


I Look for You in Every Moon

by MessusMinnow



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Marauders - Fandom, Wolfstar - Fandom
Genre: First Kiss, First Love, First Time, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Post-First War with Voldemort, Remsir - Freeform, Requited Love, Second War with Voldemort, Slice of Life, boyslove, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 53
Words: 75,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29341875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessusMinnow/pseuds/MessusMinnow
Summary: Remus and Sirius are friends, best friends even. But slowly things start to change between them into something far greater than friendship.This is a continuing labor of love that will end up being pretty long starting from when they are little babies at Hogwarts and continuing on fro there. This is a slow burn fan fiction. And... this will more or less follow canon events... so there’s your warning.Also it’s important to note that I do not in any way support JKR, she is a hateful wretch. So here is me reclaiming Harry Potter.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 47
Kudos: 34





	1. Friendship he doesn’t Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ItUKwqaBlOEujKg6iRtzx?si=Z3Lp73C7TNu1WrX9CdsJ9g
> 
> This is a Spotify playlist I’m working on that goes with the story. I may suggest certain songs from it with certain chapters.

Chapter One

Second Year

Remus leaned his head against the cool glass of the train window, he watched the trees move around with the wind as the train whipped past them. The train ride to Hogwarts was one of the most beautiful things Remus had ever seen. He remembered hearing his father tell stories of Hogwarts and feeling his heart ache for the castle he had heard so much about, but never thought he would get to see with his own eyes.

He could still remember the day he got his letter of acceptance to Hogwarts last year. He cried when reading the letter over and over again in his room. His mother and father had been sure he wouldn’t be allowed to attend Hogwarts because of his condition, but he had been allowed to go. His breath fogged the window as he continued to watch the scenery pass. He had been lucky, luckier than he ever thought he would be in his life.

The door to the compartment swung open and three young boys tumbled in, slamming the door behind them. These three boys were Remus’s best friends, his only friends really. But they were more than he needed and more than he ever thought he deserved. James and Sirius were both talking each other up to try out for the house quidditch team. They were loud and vibrant, they required a lot of attention from others, but they also kept Remus on his toes, which he enjoyed. Peter was quieter, he was the first friend Remus had made at Hogwarts the year before and the two made a good pair because Peter needed some extra help with school and Remus was a good study buddy for that because he was patient and loved to read. Not to mention James and Sirius were absolute best friends, so it was easier for Peter and Remus to hang out in the background to their glory. Peter handed Remus a chocolate frog and smiled as he opened a book.

Sirius was laughing loudly at a joke that James had made as he threw his legs over top of Remus sprawling out in the compartment. Sirius was like a storm. He was wild and yet controlled in his fierceness. He was beautiful to look at, but overpowering to be near at times. 

Remus smiled as he looked at his three best friends, amidst the happiness inside of him the impending dread threatened to come out of dormancy. He was about to start another school year, and he and the three other boys had grown closer to a point of being inseparable, which to anyone else would be a good thing, but it made Remus even more nervous. He knew that it would only get harder and harder to keep his condition a secret from his three best friends. That knowledge made his stomach jump to his throat, he knew that they would probably figure out sooner or later, and when they did... well... they would want nothing to do with the like of him anymore. And all of this happiness and fun would fade until it felt like a dream. He would be friendless once again.

The fear of someone learning of his lycanthropy weighed heavily on the twelve year old boy. He was terrified of anyone beyond the staff knowing, his father had already made it known that werewolves were not thought highly of in their world. He couldn’t blame people for hating werewolves, he hated them too. A werewolf had done this to him after all. He had done nothing to deserve the fate that he was handed. He had been scared of himself for over half of his life, he hated what he became every month. He frequently wondered if he would be kicked out of school if his classmates found out about his condition, surely there would be repercussions for him.

“Earth to Remus?” James was waving a hand in front of his face.

Remus shook his head and the thoughts out of his mind.

“Merlin you were out of it for a minute there weren’t you?” James laughed and leaned back in his seat. “Whatcha thinking about then?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “Not a lot I suppose, just happy to be going back to Hogwarts.”

“I can’t wait to get back to Hogwarts, mum couldn’t wait to have me out as well.” Sirius said crossing his legs that were still comfortably slouched over Remus.

“Still not good with her then?” Peter spouted out, his eyes still on his book.

Sirius shook his head. “Nah... you know my mum. It’s always all about how much of a disgrace I am for being placed in Gryffindor and all that.”

Remus caught Sirius’s eyes for a quick second and tried to look sympathetic, but Sirius had already changed the subject back to quidditch. Sirius didn’t like to think about his family or get too deep with his friends it seemed to Remus. Although Remus couldn’t really fault him that, as he too had secrets.

The Hogwarts Express continue pressing on with its many passengers, getting closer and closer to its final destination. And somewhere towards the back of the train the compartment of boys continued on with their antics, laughing and yelling and shoving one another, and in those moments Remus could almost forget of his impending dread. In those moments with his three best friends Remus almost felt normal.


	2. Lycanthropy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is sick, and Sirius is suspicious.

Chapter Two

Second Year

Sirius felt his head fall forward as he jolted awake once again. History of Magic was a dull subject and Professor Binns made it even worse. He droned on an on in that way that only ghosts could in a perfect lull that made Sirius’s mind go foggy. He shook his head and looked down at his sparse notes. He glanced over at James, his best friend, he wasn’t paying any attention either. He had a glazed over look and his eyes were across the room. Sirius didn’t have to follow James gaze to know they were on the red head sitting across the room from them, taking dutiful notes. Lily Evans had caught James eye at the very start of their first year at Hogwarts when they were all sat together on the train ride.

He let a yawn out and glanced over to Peter who had fully fallen asleep and was just on the verge of snoring. Sirius elbowed him causing Peter to start slightly before sitting up straight once again.

“We can’t all zone out, someone has to be paying attention.” Sirius whispered to his two friends.

James let out a whispered groan to show his annoyance. “Where is Remus when you need him?”

“Sick,” Peter whispered out followed by a long yawn.

“Sick again?” Sirius asked. This was the third time this year that Remus had missed classes because of some random illness. “He seems to be sick constantly, don’t you think?”

James shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in the benched seating. He was once again staring at Lily from across the room.

A blonde girl called Marlene McKinnon nudged Lily’s elbow and then motioned towards James staring. Lily looked up and James tried flashing her a smile. She simply rolled her eyes and went back to writing notes.

Sirius and Peter both tried hiding their laughter. “Nice try there, mate.” Sirius nudged James whose ears had now gone pink.

They all dragged their feet back to the common room. “Hey, don’t you think it’s odd how often Remus is sick?” Sirius inquired as they climbed the stairs to their dormitories.

James shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe he’s got a reoccurring illness?”

“Could he really be that sick though?” Sirius dumped his books and scrolls onto his bed. “I mean think about it... he’s not here.” He motioned around the room. “So he’s so sick that he has to go to hospital all the time?”

“It’s really none of our business though, Sirius.” Peter said helping himself to a snack as he jumped onto his four poster bed.

James shoved his hand into the bag of crisps Peter offered and leaned against Peter’s bed looking over his shoulder as he began his transfiguration homework.

“He’s right, Sirius. Don’t worry about him too much, Remus is fine. He’s allowed to have an illness you know?”

Sirius knew his friends meant well, but how could they not be curious about Remus. Could it be possible that he was proper ill? And if so, why would he try and hide it from them. It’s not like they would care either way.

He was so deep in thought that he ran directly into someone who recoiled quickly grabbing at their arm.

“Sorry... sorry.” Sirius said before looking up to find the blonde haired boy staring back at him. “Remus? Merlin! What happened to you?” Sirius surveyed the cuts bandaged up on his cheek and lower on his neck.

“N-nothing... I went for a walk last night and had a nasty fall, ended up needing a stay in the hospital wing, but I’m fine now.” Remus said.

Sirius looked his friend up and down, Remus didn’t look well at all. “We thought you were sick? Why were you out walking if you were sick?”

“I needed the fresh air...” Remus reached his hand up to cover the scrapes on his neck. “It’s not a big deal Sirius. I’m feeling much better now.”

“Remus... are you okay? Honestly?” Sirius asked.

“Yes... I’m fine.” Remus responded rather quickly.

“Okay... because you’ve been sick a lot recently, come to think of it you were sick a lot last year too. Do you have some sort of reoccurring illness?”

Remus was chewing on his bottom lip before finally looking up at Sirius. “I wasn’t feeling well last night, I took a walk, it was dark and I fell. That’s the end of it Sirius... so just drop it please.”

“Okay... I’ll drop it... sorry to worry about you I guess.” Sirius shrugged and tried to give Remus a reassuring smile, but Remus was just glaring down at the floor. “W-well... I was just coming to find you so... wanna head back to the common room together. The older kids are taking up all the good spaces, but Peter got loads of snacks so we’re just hanging out in the dormitory.”

“Actually I really need to get some studying done. I missed classes today after all.” Remus was still staring down at his shoes.

“Okay... well I guess I’ll see you back there later then.”

Remus nodded and walked off. Sirius watched him head towards the library, it almost looked like he was limping on his left side, but when Sirius tried focusing again Remus was too far away.

“Something is going on with Remus,” Sirius whispered to James as they got ready the next morning. Remus was already gone and Peter was still sleeping.

“Oh bloody hell, Sirius... not this again?” James whispered.

“Did you even see him last night, James? He’s all cut up, and the excuse he gave me was a joke.” Sirius pressed.

“He said he fell...” James responded.

“Yes... from being outside? If he was so sick that he had to go to hospital do you really think Madame Pomfrey would have allowed him to just go out on a night walk by himself?”

James rolled his eyes. “I don’t know Sirius... what reason would he have to lie to us? We’re his best mates. He was probably just playing hooky or maybe he has a girlfriend or something. I don’t know... maybe he just wanted some time alone and doesn’t want to answer your damn questions.” James struggled with his tie before more or less giving up and throwing a sweater over the messy parts. “Just leave him alone, mate. He already looked annoyed yesterday when coming in.

Sirius huffed his way through all of his classes, Remus creating some distance between the two of them for good measure it seemed.

Sirius knew he should just drop it, James was right, what did it matter anyways. If Remus wanted to keep secrets Sirius should just grow up and let him. But something about the night before kept gnawing at him, Remus almost looked scared when Sirius had asked him what had happened. Was something happening to Remus that he wasn’t allowed to talk about? Was he in danger?”

“Do you guys want to go hang out outside today?” Peter asked as their lessons finally came to an end. “It may be one of the last nice days we have before winter.”

“Sounds good,” James said as he dropped his book bag on the bed and stripped out of his uniform.

“I uh... I actually think I may head to the library. I’ve got some... studying to do.” Sirius said as he slowly began walking back out of the room.

“Studying? You never study. Failing already?” James and Peter both laughed, Remus did not join in.

“Haha... I just want to do some reading up.” Sirius began walking back down the stairs and out the door of the common room.

“Sirius, wait!” A hand was grabbing his wrist. “What are you doing?” Remus asked.

“Just what I said I’m doing Rem... I’m going to study.” Sirius tried giving him a reassuring smile.

“You never study.” Remus added grabbing Sirius’s wrist harder.

Sirius looked down at the hand that had scrapes all up it. “Ow?” He said. The hand retreated. “Maybe I’m trying to change that. Is it so unheard of?”

“Sirius... please don’t...” Remus whispered.

“The fact that you’re asking me not to means there is something going on with you.” Sirius grabbed Remus’s arm and pulled him through the door. “What’s going on? Is someone hurting you? Is someone doing this to you?”

“No!” Remus whispered harshly. “I told you yesterday. I fell.”

“Well then stop worrying about me going to the library to study.” Sirius said letting go of Remus’s arm.

It had been almost an entire month of Sirius sneaking away to try and look up different ailments to try and help Remus, not that Remus wanted him to. He kept giving Sirius this panicked look, but Sirius had gotten it into his head at this point that Remus was begging for his help. Someone was hurting Remus and making it look like an accident, he was almost sure of it. No one would hurt his friend and get away with it.

“The moon is full.” Peter was looking up at the sky through their window.

“Not until tomorrow,” Sirius and Remus said in unison. Remus glared down at his book some more.

Sirius spent most of the next day in the library, searching through different curses or ailments that could harm someone against their will.

“Mr. Black... I expect all of these books back on their shelves before you leave.”

Sirius nodded and sighed leaning his head against the back of the bookshelf. His feet felt like led as he entered the dining hall for supper that night. He found his friends and sat down, but Remus was absent.

“Where’s Remus?” Sirius said helping himself to a plate of chicken.

“Said he wasn’t feeling well when we were leaving for dinner.” Peter said passing Sirius the mashed potatoes.

Sirius began to nod before his hand stopped in it’s tracks, the massive bowl of potato falling in the middle of the table.

“Bloody hell, Sirius!” An older Gryffindor yelled as kids jumped out of the way of the splattered mash.

“You okay mate?” James asked wiping the mess up around them.

Sirius took a shaky breath in... “How could I have been so stupid?” He bolted up and began running full speed out of the dining hall.

“Sirius!” He heard Peter call after him, both of his friends hot on his heels.

They followed him into the very back of the library where Sirius was frantically searching through book after book.

“What in the bloody hell is going on with you? I’m starting to think you’ve actually lost it.” James accosted Sirius as he searched through a book of magical ailments.

“I have been dancing around the answer all month, and I can’t believe I never noticed the pattern before.” Sirius said still flipping through pages.

“What are you going on about?” Peter asked breathless. “This better not be about Remus, you know you’re really bumming him out, right?”

“I know what he’s been hiding from us.” Sirius said turning to the page he had been searching for and running his finger across the letters. “All this time I thought someone must have been hurting him, but he’s doing it to himself.”

“What?” James asked.

“Well... he can’t really help it I don’t think. Remus suffers from lycanthropy.” Sirius said shoving the book at James.

“Lycanthropy... you mean to say—“

“He’s a werewolf.” Sirius added.

They all fell silent, because it made too much sense for it not to be true. Their eyes kept darting from one person to the other, too shocked to say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget that trans lives matter!


	3. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is confronted by his friends and has to realize his fears of losing all of them at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of these chapters contain small time jumps through out the year, so keep that in mind while you’re reading. :)

Chapter Three

Second Year

Remus climbed up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower late Sunday night. He had spent almost the entire day in the hospital wing trying to recover from the full moon the night before. His breath hitched with every step he took, it had been a bad night. His body was sore and covered in new scars, there was only so much that Madame Pomfrey could do for werewolf scratches, even if they were his own.

He slowly climbed the stairs and opened the door to his room. His three roommates all turned towards him quickly.

“Are you okay?” James asked.

“Fine... just had a migraine—-“ Remus said quietly.

“Rem... we know.” Sirius said to him. “We know you’re a... werewolf.” He whispered.

Remus could feel his stomach drop. “That’s... that’s madness. Do you really think Dumbledore would allow a werewolf to come to school here?”

“He would if there was a way to control you?” James asked.

“I can’t control anything because I’m not what you think!” Remus said.

“Remus... you disappear every full moon, and always come back with new scars all over you.” Sirius said.

“You... you couldn’t just leave it alone? I asked you to leave it alone, and what did you do? You kept on... and now you’ve got everyone believing your lies!” Remus yelled.

“Remus it’s not his fault. He was worried for you.” James said.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?” Peter asked.

“Why...” Remus scoffed and rolled his eyes before feeling tears threaten to well up. He glared at the three boys in front of him. “because of the way you’re looking at me.”

“Remus...”

“You’re all scared of me now! Don’t think I can’t see it. Well... you don’t have to worry because I’m leaving Hogwarts.”

“What?!” Sirius asked grabbing Remus’s shoulders. “You think we’re scared of you? You think we’re going to force you out?”

“You must think pretty little of us, mate.” James added.

Remus could feel wet tears falling to his cheeks, burning his new scars. “I’m a monster... if people knew that they went to school with a werewolf...”

“We’re not going to tell anyone, Remus.” Peter said. “W-we’re your friends.”

“We want to be there for you. We want to make sure you’re okay.” James put his hand on Remus’s shoulder.

Remus’s breath hitched as his throat closed up and tears now poured out of his eyes. “You... you still want to be my friends?” He choked out.

“Of course Remus... you’re our best friend.” Sirius said shaking his shoulders a bit.

Remus was shocked as he crumbled onto his bed and sobs wracked his body. He didn’t know how to process this. He had always prepared himself for his friends finding out and leaving him, he never expected them to stand by him... even though he was a monster.

His friends gathered around him, Peter handed Remus a handkerchief while James and Sirius sat on either side of him.

As he calmed down an uncomfortable silence fell onto the room.

“How did it happen?” Sirius asked.

Remus sniffed and stared at his hands. “My father works for the ministry... he works in the regulation of magical creatures. He had a... disagreement with some colleagues... and spoke ill of werewolves in front of a werewolf called Fenrir Greyback. To get back at my father for the things he said he broke into our home on a full moon and attacked me... I was five.”

“You’ve been a werewolf since you were five?” Peter asked.

Remus nodded. He wiped his nose with the handkerchief.

“Is it painful?” James asked.

“Yeah... my body goes through an entire transformation. I have to get locked in the shack out past the whomping willow because if not I’ll try to run off and kill someone.”

And do you... do this to yourself?” Sirius motioned towards Remus’s scars.

Remus nodded his head once again. “I just can’t help it. The werewolf is desperate for blood, so I bite and claw myself to keep him satisfied.” Remus looked at his scarred hands. “Please don’t tell anyone. If people find out... I’ll probably be forced out. The teachers won’t be able to help me if the parents all start writing in.”

“Your secret is safe with us, Remus.” James put a hand on Remus’s shoulder.

“I... I never thought that you all would still accept me once you found out. I wouldn’t blame you if you left still...” Remus said.

“Why wouldn’t we accept you... it’s not like you have done anything wrong.” Sirius added.

“I’m a monster...” Remus choked out, another wave of tears catching in his throat.

“Remus... you are particular about how your socks are folded. You’re the furthest thing from a monster.” James said patting him on the back.

Remus couldn’t help but laugh with his friends at that. His laughter was filled with tears that he wasn’t sure were sad.

***

After that the day after full moons weren’t filled with dread as to whether or not his friends would question him about his scars. Now they would show up in the hospital wing with his favorite snacks and the homework he missed. Now his condition didn’t feel like a deep dark secret that would ruin his life.

***

It was May, the last full moon he would spend at Hogwarts. They were all sprawled in the common room. His skin had already started the burning sensation early that morning. He twitched his neck trying to get rid of the feeling.

“I should start heading out.” Remus said placing his bookmark in his copy of Pride and Prejudice.

“Rem... can we come?” Sirius asked.

“No... it’s dangerous. I’m not... me when I become a werewolf. I wouldn’t recognize you guys.” Remus zipped his jacket up and began heading towards the portrait hole.

He was met outside by Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore. “Mister Lupin, how are you feeling this evening?” Madame Pomfrey asked.

“My skin has already started burning...” Remus pulled at his sweater. “I think it’s going to be a bad one.”

“Allow me to walk with you to the shack Remus.” Dumbledore said putting his hand on Remus’s shoulder.

They walked silently for some time before Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Your friends know about your lycanthropy now, correct?”

“Yes... they figured it out earlier this year. Am I... going to be expelled because they found out?” Remus asked.

“Of course not. I’m glad your friends know.” Dumbledore spoke softly.

Remus nodded his head.

“I’m sure they’ll find ways to support you even further if you let them.” Dumbledore said opening the door to the shack.

Remus slowly slid his jacket off. He nodded his head.

“Mister Lupin, I wish you well this evening. We’ll come to get you tomorrow morning.” The door shut slowly and the sound of the lock made Remus flinch.

His fingers shook as he pulled his shirt over his head followed by his pants. He sat down on the floor staring out at the sky as the sun had finished setting completely. The moon was going to rise slowly and then it would begin. His skin was already red and burning. he wrapped his arms around himself as the burning sensation became worse. Panting and groaning as he tried to stay in a sitting position.

He itched his skin as a whimper escaped out of his throat. He looked up to the sky as the moon rose higher: his groans turned slowly into deep guttural screams as his body lurched forward onto all fours. 

“It’s just for the night... it’s just for the night.” His throat was threatening to close shut as his transformation had begun. “It’s... just...” he could feel his skin begin to burn desperately as his eyes rolled back in his head. The transformation was too much. He could feel his heart beating at a different pace as the wolf began to take over. The last thing he could see was the moon directly above him in the sky.

Remus woke up the next morning in the hospital wing already. He blinked a couple of times and looked towards the sound coming from beside the bed. Madame Pomfrey was administering a serum onto his rib cage.

“I’m already back at the castle?” Remus croaked out.

“You are. You were unconscious when I came to get you this morning. Your injuries were more extensive than usual. I’ve had to mend three of your ribs, but some of these gashes are deep, you’ll have to stay for a bit.” Madame Pomfrey finished apply the serum to his side and redressed his wounds. “Your friends are waiting outside for you. I told them you hadn’t woken up yet. Would you like them to come in?”

“S-sure.” Remus said. He jaw hurt. He reached up slowly to feel a new scar across his mouth.

Madame Pomfrey left and when she returned three young boys were following behind her, their eyes all wide with concern.

“He’s weak, so try not to touch or jostle him.” Madame Pomfrey continued bustling around.

James looked every which place and finally just crossed his arms over him. “This looks worse than usual?”

“Sometimes it is...” Remus’s throat caught as he tried to take a deep breath.

“Try not to get worked up dear.” Madame Pomfrey said.

“I wish we could do something to help you, mate. It kills me that you’re in so much pain.” Sirius said.

Remus nodded. “The fact that you all are here helps.”

“Why was this one so bad?” Peter asked.

Remus shook his head. “I think he just get restless and wants to run and kill something, and I can’t so... It just feels so... terrifying to know those feelings are...” Remus took a sharp inhale that hurt to do so. “I hate... being alone...” He took another sharp inhale and reached his hand up to cover his eyes. “When the moon comes up...” His body shook with tears and he could feel a sharp pain on his side.

“Ssh... Mister Lupin you need to calm down. You’ve burst through the serum on your ribs.”

Remus opened his eyes to see his friends all step out of the way of Madame Pomfrey.

“Boys, I’ll need you to leave for now. You can come back later.” Madame Pomfrey shooed them out as she undressed his side wound again.

“Try to calm down Mister Lupin, its all over now.” She soothed him as she pulled out her wand.


	4. Werewolves Kill People...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are desperate to find a way to help Remus.

Chapter Four

Second Year

Sirius followed James out of the hospital wing with Peter trailing shortly behind. James was moving quickly somewhere.

“Are we going back to the common room?” Peter asked.

James stopped and turned towards the two of them, his own eyes glassy. He looked between the two of them. “I don’t want to just sit back every full moon and wait for Remus to come back to us broken.”

“We can’t do anything to help though...” Sirius said.

“I don’t accept that... there has to be something we can do to help him, if we all put our heads together we can find a way to help him through this. I know it.”

“What can we do? We’re just kids...” Peter said slowly looking down to his feet.

“I don’t know... but we have to try. Don’t we? Remus is our best friend and you heard him in there.” James turned and continued on his way towards the library.

They had spent most of the day in the library, they had taken turns to check in on Remus, but Madame Pomfrey had given him a sleeping draft to help him relax enough for his body to heal.

Sirius groaned in his chair as he flipped the pages of the huge book he had been skimming through. “What are we even looking for?” he asked looking towards the other two boys who were looking just as frustrated.

“What are you three doing here in the corners of the library? I can’t imagine you’re studying.”

Sirius rolled his eyes towards the greasy Slytherin standing in front of them accompanied by the red headed girl that James was obsessed with.

James let the legs of his chair fall back to the ground. “None of your business what we’re doing here Snivellus.”

“Come on Severus, let’s find somewhere more civilized to study.” Lily added.

James watched as Lily walked away.

“Maybe we’re going about this wrong... what is a werewolf specifically?” Sirius asked.

“A creature?” Peter suggested.

James ran a hand through his hair before looking at a book in their pile they had long forgotten.

“A fully-fledged werewolf has no choice but to change every full moon...” he turned the page. “Why doesn’t this help?”

“What are we hoping to accomplish here? A way for him not to change? Because right there it says there is no way.” Peter said.

“Maybe there’s a way we could help him so he doesn’t have to bite and claw himself anymore.”

“But they said they had to have him in the shack because if not he’ll search for blood and try to kill someone.” James said.

They heard the sound of heeled boots traversing the halls. Professor McGonagall appeared and glanced towards the large pile of books surrounding the three second years.

“You’ll be sure you three put these books back when you’re finished...” she looked to their books again... “What are you studying?”

“We’re just...” Peter looked at his two friends.

“We learning about... magical... creatures...” James offered.

“And... ailments... and how to... cure them?”

McGonagall sighed and stepped closer to the boys. “This is about Mister Lupin, is it not?”

None of the boys spoke.

“I commend your efforts gentlemen... but unfortunately there is no cure for lycanthropy.” She patted Sirius’s arm.

“We just hate that he has to be stuck in that shack clawing himself up like that...” James looked at the pile of books.

“I know, trust that I don’t enjoy sending him to that shack to hear his cries, but he can’t run the grounds or the forest unsupervised, and it’s far too dangerous to do so at that. Werewolves are a danger to their fellow humans on the full moon.” She looked between the three boys before patting Sirius again. “Clean your books and make your way back to your house please. It’s late.” she shuffled off, her heeled boots clicking down the wooden halls.

Sirius and Peter both sighed and started putting the books away. James sat still for another moment before opening the book on magical creatures.

“James... come on mate, we’ve been at this for ages now. And you heard McGonagall.”

“Yeah I heard her.” James said flipping through page after page. “she said werewolves were a danger to humans.” He smiled and looked up at them, tucking the book underneath his arm.

He didn’t speak to them again until they were back in their dormitory. “Do you ever think that the teachers are trying to teach us things we aren’t supposed to know. Why did Minnie mention that bit about humans?”

“Because it’s true?” Peter offered.

“Well sure, but everyone knows that werewolves will try to kill humans, its in their nature.” James flipped the book open again and began searching frantically, his finger tracing down the page.

“You’re not really making sense anymore James.” Sirius said.

“Don’t you get it? Remus would try and kill us as a werewolf... because we’re human...” he slapped the page and turned it towards the other two boys. “But what if we weren’t?”

Sirius gave James a confused look before looking down at the page he had opened. “Animagus?”

James nodded and motioned down at the page again.

Sirius sighed and began reading. “An animagus is a witch or wizard who... elects to turn into an animal at whim?”

James’s smile only got bigger.

“You want to become animagi?” Peter asked.

“Just think about it... we could go out with Remus on full moons and supervise him so he didn’t have to be locked up in that damn shack every month.”

“Hang on... just here it says becoming an animagus takes years to master and is as difficult as it is dangerous and that all animagi are required to register themselves?”

“We can do it! I know we can!” James said. Just then the door opened and Remus walked through slowly. He looked exhausted and ill.

“Hey mate... how’re you feeling?” Sirius asked.

“Like hell...” Remus said lying down on his bed slowly.

“Remus...” James looked at the other two boys before continuing. “We think we’ve found a way to help you.”

“Help me?” Remus said his eyes already closed. “There’s not a cure for lycanthropy.”

“No... but what if we could make your transformations easier? What if we could be there with you so you could be let out of the shack?”

Remus sat up. “You can’t come with me. I’ll try to kill you. Werewolves kill people.”

“But what if we weren’t people anymore?” Sirius joined in and handed the book over to Remus.

He looked at it slowly. “You want to become an animagus?” he looked further on. “It’s impossible, it takes years to master and its dangerous. You could permanently become an animal, or be stuck with some weird mix of both human and animal.”

“But if we could do it... we could become animagi and accompany you, and you realistically would leave us alone because we aren’t human. You could run and not be trapped in that shack every month.” James said.

Remus looked at the three boys before looking back down at the book sitting in his lap. “It’s too risky. It takes years to master, we may not even be in school by the time you were able to get it down. And besides... you have to be of wizarding age before becoming registered.”

“So we don’t register. What’s so bad about that, no one else would know.” James added.

“No... I.. I couldn’t ask you to do this for me.” Remus shook his head and handed the book back to Sirius.

“You don’t have to ask, Remus. We want to help you.” Sirius sat down next to Remus on the bed. “Lets us do this for you... please.”

“You have no idea how difficult it would be to try and become animagi. It will take years.” Remus continued trying his best to talk them out of it.

“Then it will take years, but we’re doing it Rem.” Peter finally chimed in.

Remus looked at this three friends, his eyes darting from face to face. “You would do this for me?”

“You would do the same for us mate.” James smiled and grabbed the book. “I guess our work is about to begin, right boys?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to mention that all of this is happening far before Peter Pettigrew is evil. He is one of their best friends and I don’t believe he hated them all along, so he is portrayed as kind and loving and how I imagine he would have been in the group.


	5. Breathlessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has feelings he can’t fully understand.

Chapter Five

Fourth Year

Sirius stretched out in his favorite chair in the common room before popping another Fizzing Whizzbee into his mouth as he flipped the page he had been reading. There was some commotion across the common room from him, three girls had burst into laughter while reading a small scroll.

“Oi McKinnon! Watcha laughin’ at over there?” Sirius called out to the blonde girl.

She looked up and rolled her eyes at him. “None of your business, Black.” She smiled coyly before looking back down to the note in the hands of the red head next to her.

“I think she has a crush on you...” Peter nudged him in the side.

“Doubt it,” Sirius said leaning back on the couch.

Just then two boys emerged from the portrait hole, a tall and skinny blonde haired boy and a messy brown haired boy. James stopped to talk to Lily who refused to give him the time of day.

Remus rolled his eyes and began walking towards Sirius and Peter.

Sirius felt that familiar sensation as Remus got closer to him. He didn’t really know why he felt this way whenever he and Remus hung out, but there was this breathlessness attached to Remus now. Sirius eyed him up and down before he sat down next to him.

“Studying?” Remus asked peering over at the book.

“You could say that.” Sirius responded trying to ignore the breathlessness.

“Ah... the ever ongoing quest to become an animagus.” Remus reached for the Wizzbees and popped two in his mouth at once. He and Sirius met eyes briefly and Remus gave him a small crooked smile that only added to the breathlessness.

“You know... it would be pointless for you to become an animagus only to have to leave Hogwarts for failing all of your classes.” Remus eyed Sirius through his lashes, causing Sirius’s head to go foggy. 

Sirius smiled at him and closed the book. “I suppose you’re not wrong... transfiguration it is.” He reached for the hefty transfiguration book and turned to their homework he had stuffed in it’s pages.

“Good boy.” Remus reached for his own transfiguration text book and turned to the same page.

Sirius looked over to Remus and watched his blonde curls fall into his face as he began reading their required assignment. He caught a glimpse of Peter watching the two of them. Peter gave him a small smile before looking down at his own school work.

Sirius could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. Why did he feel this way about his best friend. Was this normal? He was sure he didn’t feel this weird breathlessness around his other friends, but he didn’t really understand it. He closed his book again and stood up.

“Where you going?” James said finally walking over.

“Just gonna take a walk I think.” Sirius lied as he slipped away and out the portrait hole. He needed some fresh air and some time to think.

“Hey Black,”

Sirius turned to see the blonde haired girl leaned against the tunnel in the portrait.

“McKinnon... alright?” He asked cocking his head to one side.

“Alright. Someone sent me a love note today. Wasn’t you was it?” She flipped the folded paper in his hands.

“I wouldn’t be stupid enough to send a love note. That’s for amateurs.” Sirius leaned against the wall.

“Damn... how am I meant to figure out who sent me this.” Marlene leaned against the wall.

“Well, maybe you should go for someone who isn’t trying to woo you in secret.” Sirius smiled at her and pulled his hair up out of his face before walking through the portrait hole and out again.

“Maybe I’ll do that.” Marlene called after him.

“I hope I’m the first to know if you do.” Sirius said as the portrait hole shut. Marlene sort of made Sirius feel breathless, but in a different way. She made him feel giddy and flirty. Maybe that was the normal response, and his response to Remus was coincidental. Remus didn’t make him feel giddy and flirty, Remus made him feel like he couldn’t catch his breath fast enough.

Sirius balanced on his broom as the Slytherin chaser was coming up on him fast, he steadied himself as the chaser threw the ball towards the top goal post. Sirius shot up and knocked it away with his broom right to James who raced towards the other end before passing it to Marlene.

“Go!” He yelled towards her as she launched it into the lowest goal. “Yes!”

Sirius looked towards their seeker perched on her broom higher in the sky. Still no sign of the snitch it seemed.

The Slytherin team was getting antsy, they were all yelling amongst each other.

Sirius heard a whooshing as the two seekers were suddenly on the hunt. He let out a slow breath and glanced towards the stands. The Gryffindor side was erupting in cheers and whoops as James had just stolen the quaffle and scored yet another goal on the rookie Slytherin keeper.

“Dorcas Meadowes has caught the snitch!” They heard a booming voice call. “Gryffindor wins the match!”

All of the stadium erupted as the Gryffindor cheered. “Yes!!” Sirius yelled and cheered for Dorcas as she soared through the sky, the golden snitch glittering in her hand.

The Gryffindor quidditch team were cheered back into the common room after the game. James and Sirius lifted Dorcas above them on their shoulders as everyone cheered for her. She covered her face with her hands, but she was smiling bright. Marlene caught her in her arms and hugged her as Lily joined them.

“Evans... did you see me score?” James said running a hand through his hair.

Evans rolled her eyes and put her arms around her two friends. “I saw Marlene fly circles around you and Dorcas win the game for you if that’s what you mean.”

The three girls laughed, James even joining in their laughter. Remus and Peter clapped James and Sirius on the back.

“Good game you guys! James you should have seen that Slytherin keepers face when you scored on him so quickly.” Peter said.

“Hey,” Remus said behind Sirius making the hairs on his neck stand up. “You guys did really well.”

Sirius laughed nervously, “Thanks Moony.” He turned to face Remus, the breathlessness back as he looked up at the taller boy.

A sixth year jumped up onto a table. “I’ve got fire whisky and butter beer.” He yelled as everyone crowded around him snagging drinks.

After a few shots of fire whiskey Sirius was feeling exceptional. He looked over at Remus who was leaned against the mantle talking with Dorcas. Sirius watched him for a second before a hand tapped his shoulder.

“Hey there keeper.” Marlene said behind him.

Sirius laughed. “You chasing after me then?”

“Well, someone has to.” Marlene smiled.

Sirius stared at her for another second before pulling her in and pressing a kiss to her soft lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.

They separated slowly, Sirius letting his lips linger on hers for another moment before pulling further away.

“Nice one mate,” James whispered to him, nudging his side.

Marlene leaned her head against his chest in laughter.

Sirius laughed too before looking over towards the mantle where Remus stood. They met eyes and Sirius almost thought he saw a sadness behind his hazel eyes before he gave Sirius a small smile and excused himself.

Sirius watched him leave up the stairs to their dormitory, half a mind to follow him and was only stopped by Peter coming up to them saying something about fire whiskey through a ghost.

He shook his head and tried shaking away that breathless feeling again, unsure if it had come from kissing Marlene or watching Remus walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are brewing.


	6. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus hates watching Sirius with someone else, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day babies. I don’t really care about Valentine’s Day if I’m honest, but hopefully you all have a lovely love day.

Chapter Six

Fourth Year

Remus had read the same sentence three times over. He sighed in frustration and shook his head to try and clear it once again. He leaned his hand to his cheek and tried pressing forward with his schoolwork.

The giggling across from him didn’t help in his concentration at all. He glanced up just as Sirius leaned in and kissed Marlene’s neck. She giggled some more.

He rolled his eyes and shut his book. “I’m heading back to the common room. See you guys back there.”

“Later Remus.” Marlene said amidst her giggling as Sirius pulled her into his lap.

Remus watched on for another moment before leaving in the opposite direction. He could feel the heat traveling up to his eyes as frustrated tears began to form.

“Damn,” he quickly climbed the steps to Gryffindor tower and spat out the password not stopping for a moment as he continued climbing up the steps and slamming his door shut. He threw his books on his bed with a grunt.

“You okay?” He heard from the bed opposite his.

He started and looked over to Peter sitting with a small candle and a book.

“Merlin, Peter... don’t scare me like that.” Remus clutched his heart.

Peter snickered lightly. “You must really be distracted if you didn’t notice me. No one ever sneaks up on you.”

“I guess you’re right.” Remus flopping onto his bed.

“It’s Sirius, right?” Peter said after some time.

Remus sat up and stared at him.

“You have feelings for him... and now he’s dating Marlene.” Peter offered.

“How did you...”

“You’re not as secretive in your glances as you may think, Moony.” Peter said. “Don’t worry... your secrets safe with me.”

“Thanks Peter... you’re a good friend.” Remus sighed and looked at the curtains trailing down his bed. “It’s not even just that he’s dating someone else. It’s that he never talks to me anymore. He never wants to hang out like he used to. And I get that part of it is that he has a girlfriend now and wants to spend time with her. But he still talks with you and James. It just seems like now... he wants nothing to do with me.”

“Maybe you should talk to him, just see where his mind is.” Peter offered.

“I can’t... I don’t want him to think I’m just jealous.” Remus rolled over. “I guess I’ll just have to get used to it.”

Two months had passed and Remus had been trying his best to just ignore the pair of them. Marlene would hang around them constantly at this point. The only plus side Remus had found was that this meant Lily was spending more time with them as well, which gave James ample chances to flirt and be shot down by her.

“Maybe you should just give up,” Remus offered after Lily denied him royally one day.

“Nah,” James watched the red head stomp away as Marlene trailed after her. “You don’t give up when you’re in love.”

Remus and Sirius met eyes for a moment before Sirius dropped his gaze. Remus felt the heat rise to his cheeks.

“Now that we’re alone, lets talk about project marauders.” James said pulling a large scroll out of his bag.

“I read recently that your animagus form comes from whatever best suits you... you don’t get to pick it.” Sirius said. “I hope I get something cool.”

“I’m sure you will.” Remus added. “If you can make it through the process. You all have to hold a mandrake leaf in your mouth for an entire month when you’re ready for the process. It can’t be spit out or swallowed. How exactly are you supposed to do that while still having classes?”

“I bet Sirius is more worried about how he’s supposed to snog in the quidditch room with a mandrake leaf in his mouth.” James shoved Sirius who shoved him back.

“Will you shut up... we’ve got ages before we’re ready for that anyways.” Sirius added. “We’re still working out the transfiguration side of it... I think we should ask Minnie.”

“You want to ask McGonagal about becoming an unregistered animagus? I’m sure that will go great...” Remus rolled his eyes.

“I just mean we could ask her what she did... not how we do it.” Sirius snapped back.

“I’m worried I’m not going get it in time,” Peter confessed. “Transfiguration is so difficult for me... I always second guess myself.”

“Don’t worry Peter, we’ll help you.” James said. “It says here you have to be without fear. So just be more confident in yourself.” James clapped Peter’s shoulder.

Remus leaned back in his chair. “Well... hopefully nothing goes wrong. It’s still a huge risk for you guys.”

“We want to do it, Remus... so stop worrying about it.” Sirius said.

Remus stared at him for a long moment before standing up and walking towards the end of the library. He grabbed a specific book and then walked back, slamming it in front of Sirius. “There... read that.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and looked down at the book. “If a witch or wizard does not register as an animagus with the official registry they are considered a menace to society as many use their animagus abilities to commit untraceable crimes. This could result in imprisonment in Azkaban.”

Remus looked down at Sirius some more. Finally Sirius shoved the book away. “We all know the consequences, Rem... stop trying to talk us out of it already.”

“I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into Sirius... this is real. And there are real dangers.” 

“Remus... don’t worry about us.” James offered. “You focus on getting through the full moons with out us until we can help you.”

Remus softened a little as his friends smiled up at him. “Fine... I’ll try not to worry then.”

Remus paced back and forth at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Sirius and Marlene were walking together back after quidditch practice. She shoved him away as he grabbed her and pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her perfect cheek bone.

“Hey!” He called to Sirius.

He looked up. “Hey,” Sirius smiled at him.

“I’ll meet you inside Sirius.” She smiled at Remus as she passed through the portrait hole.

“What’s up Moony?” Sirius asked leaning against the wall.

“Are we still on for Hogsmeade on Saturday? Butter beers and honey dukes, right?”

“Oh... right, well... Marlene wants to go to that tea shop in town on Saturday... so I was thinking I’d do that with her and then maybe we can meet up later?”

Remus tried to keep his face in control. “S-sure. we can just do butter beers after you’re done hanging out with Marlene.”

“Cool,” Sirius climbed in through the portrait and disappeared.

Remus hit his hand to his head. “What am I doing?”

Remus had been waiting at The Three Broomsticks for hours now. He looked towards the door once more before finally standing up and leaving. He walked slowly the ways back to the castle.

“What was I expecting to happen? That he would show up and we would hang out just like old times.” He said quietly to himself. It had been months of Sirius being obsessed with his new girlfriend and flaking on his friends.

“But the least he could do is say he wasn’t going to make it.”Remus reasoned with himself. “He didn’t have to just ditch me and leave me waiting here for hours...”

Remus could feel his cheeks get hot. “Why do I care so much anyways? It’s not like he’s my...” Remus shook his head. “But that’s beyond the point. He doesn’t need to be such a flake. I’m going to tell him he’s being an ass.”

Remus nodded to himself as he stomped through the entrance to the castle.


	7. No Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus confronts Sirius, Sirius has gay panic.

Chapter Seven

Fourth Year

Sirius sighed and looked at the clock on the common room wall. He hadn’t seen Remus all night, he wondered if he was still waiting for him at the Three Broomsticks. A stabbing of guilt cut through him as he looked down at the large scroll that was sitting in his lap. He wished their map was completed so he could see if Remus was coming, but alas, the map was just a rough outline of the castle so far. No working magic yet.

He looked up at the clock again, it was almost ten at night now. The door to the portrait opened and shut and the blonde boy walked through immediately meeting eyes with Sirius.

“Remus... I can explain.” Sirius stood up. “Can we talk somewhere else?”

“You’re an ass. If you didn’t want to come you should have just said you didn’t want to when I asked you.”

“Shh...” Sirius stood up and grabbed Remus’s arm pulling him out of the common room and through the halls.”

“Where are we going?” Remus asked. “Let go!” He ripped his arm out of Sirius’s grasp. “You’ve been a shit friend ever since you got yourself a girlfriend.”

“Shh...” Sirius opened a broom closet and shoved Remus inside.

“What are we doing in here?” Remus asked.

“You’re yelling at me... the entire castle doesn’t need to hear you yelling.” Sirius crossed his arms. “Listen... I’m sorry I didn’t come to the Three Broomsticks. I was just tired after going to tea.”

“That’s the excuse you’re coming up with? You were too tired to drop in and tell me you weren’t coming? You were down the street and you couldn’t just come say that?” Remus asked.

“I know! I’m a shit friend. I’m a git. I’m an idiot. But what do you expect me to do? You keep pouting every time I’m around and then snapping at me every chance you get. You’re making it difficult to want to hang out with you.”

“I’m making it difficult? I am? I’m not the one flaking out on my friends every chance I get.”

“I have a girlfriend now! And you’re jealous. No one else seems to be bothered by it. It’s just you.”

“And so what if it is? Does that give you an excuse to be crap just because no one else is going to call you out on it? And besides, you haven’t been ignoring James or Peter. Is it... because of... what I am?”

Sirius stared at Remus then. “You think I’ve been avoiding you because you’re a werewolf?” the guilt Sirius had been feeling was now threatening to overwhelm him. He look at the blonde haired boy standing in front of him.

Remus refused to meet Sirius’s eyes, staring down at his hands as he pulled on a loose string in his jumper. “Well I don’t know... maybe you don’t trust me now. People change, peoples minds change.” Remus’s chest was rising and falling hard.

“Remus... that has nothing to do with this. It’s never been about that.” Sirius said.

“Then what? Because you’ve been avoiding me and ignoring me for months now and do you have any idea how painful it is? To see your best friend move on.”

“It’s... it’s complicated.” Sirius looked down.

“Complicated? Then make it make sense, Sirius.”

Sirius looked into Remus’s deep hazel eyes and the breathlessness came back. He could barely catch his breath, he could barely think with his head spinning how it was.

He grabbed Remus then by the shirt and pulled him closer, pressing their lips together.

Remus shoved him off, his eyes wide.

“Rem... I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have...”

“What’s wrong with you?” Remus asked. “You ignore me for months only to kiss me when I ask why? Why would you do that? Do you think this makes it easier for me?”

Sirius shook his head and looked down at his feet. Before he could muster up the nerve to apologize again though Remus’s arms were around Sirius pulling him in and his lips were pressed firmly against Sirius’s.

Sirius pulled at Remus’s collar, his other hand bunching Remus’s sweater as he deepened their kiss.

Remus’s mouth was like fire on his as their bodies were pressed together.

Sirius moaned into Remus as his hand found it’s way to Sirius’s hair.

Sirius grabbed at Remus’s collar, his fingertips brushing the scars there.

Remus groaned as Sirius pressed kisses down Remus’s neck, sucking bruises into the flesh.

“S-stop...” Remus whispered, Sirius pulling them closer together. “I said stop!” Remus shoved Sirius off him.

“Remus... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Sirius begged trying to reach for Remus as he opened the door to the broom closet and left.

Sirius was alone in the dark now, his chest still rising and falling in silent. “Fuck...”

It had been a couple of days since the broom closet incident, which is what Sirius was referring it as in his mind. Remus hadn’t spoken to him, but now as they all said their goodbyes and made their way to the hogwarts express Sirius was desperate to speak with him before the summer hit.

“Hey!” Marlene wrapped her arms around Sirius from behind. “I’m sitting with my friends, but I wanted to give you my home address in case you wanted to stop by sometime this summer.” She handed him a piece of paper.

Sirius smiled at it, “Thanks Marlene. I’ll stop by as often as I can, I’d say you do the same, but my mum would kill me.”

Marlene gave him a smile and wrapped her arms around him and Sirius tried not to think of Remus doing the same only days before. He reached for her chin and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

“Marlene stop snogging your boyfriend already and come sit with us!” Lily called after them.

“I’ll see you around Black.” She smiled.

“Not if I see you first, McKinnon.” Sirius said pressing another kiss to her cheek this time.

He watched her walk away, his smile fading as he found his way to the back of the train and the compartment that contained his three friends. He opened and closed the door as the train started and lurched forward.

“Saying goodbye to Marlene?” James asked.

“Yeah...” Sirius said trying to make eye contact with Remus who refused to look up from his book. Sirius glanced down at his neck where a mark from his lips was barely visible.

Peter cleared his throat and he and James both looked at the two of them.

“Uh...lets go grab snacks from the trolley...”

“Yeah... just behind you.” Peter responded and they both stood up and walked out the door, shutting the compartment.

“Rem... I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have kissed you... and I shouldn’t have taken it as far as I did.”

Remus said nothing, he just continued looking down at his book, but Sirius saw he was now biting his lip.

“I don’t know what I was thinking... I just got so caught up in everything and I couldn’t control my feelings—“

“It’s fine.” Remus cut him off. “Let’s just forget it happened. It’s not like it mattered anyways.”

Sirius flinched at Remus’s words even though he knew he wasn’t wrong. “Yeah... alright.”

They were quiet for some time before Remus finally spoke again.

“Are you going to tell Marlene?” He asked.

“No...” Sirius answered honestly. “It would just hurt her and it was a mistake... I’m not going to tell her something that will only make her feel badly about herself.”

Neither said anything after that as Peter and James came back in. “Promise we’ll all see each other this summer?” James said.

“Of course, we have to keep studying and working on the map.” Peter.

“Yeah, just the four of us... like old times.” Sirius added glancing to Remus who met his eyes.

“Like old times,” he echoed. They held each other’s gaze for another moment before Remus shook his head and looked back down to his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop there it is! Please don’t be too hard on Sirius during this time, while his judgement is askew, he is having a full on gay panic.


	8. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There do be some feelings a brewing.

Chapter Eight

Fifth Year

Remus stood in the space between platforms nine and ten and looked back to his mother and father. His mother pulled his jacket around him tighter and gave him a hug.

“You’ve grown so big I can scarcely wrap my arms around you.” She smiled at him and cupped his cheek with her small hand.

“Have a good year, son... try and be safe.” His father offered him his hand. Remus took a slow inhale and grabbed his father’s hand. His father has blamed himself for Remus’s condition all his life, and it had put an unfortunate strain on any relationship they may have had.

“Alright, well... I’ll write.” Remus gave his mother one last smile before walking into the wall and through the tunnel revealing the Hogwarts express. He took a deep breath and began walking towards to entrance to the train.

“Moony!” He heard his nickname called from behind as Peter ran forward waving at him.

“Peter! Alright?” Remus reached an arm around his friend as they continued together towards the train.

“Yeah, haven’t seen you in a bit, you missed the last planning session.” Peter added.

“Well, it was too close to the full moon and my parents don’t like me going places when it’s near.” Remus said.

“Uh huh...” Peter smiled at Remus. “You’ve never been a good liar mate.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh with his friend as they boarded the train and slowly made their way to the back. He wasn’t a good liar, he had been avoiding Sirius because every time they were near each other it made Remus ache with envy. Some small part of him had hoped that Sirius would end things with Marlene and be with him. And although he and Marlene did break up randomly a couple of times over the summer, they always got back together, and Sirius never came running into his arms either way.

It was awkward to be around Sirius now, no matter how hard Remus tried to put what happened the year before out of his memory, every time he saw Sirius he could practically taste his lips. He didn’t want their friendship to be ruined, especially since Sirius was still trying desperately to perfect the transfiguration so he could become an animagus. But Remus wasn’t really sure how to continue on in their friendship with these feelings looming over his head.

They opened the last compartment and to Remus’s dismay Marlene was there, leaned against Sirius as his arm rested lazily around her shoulder. Lily was there too and Severus to everyone else’s dismay.

Peter and Remus found seats in the cramped compartment, Remus opting for the seat next to Severus to avoid having to sit directly beside Sirius.

“Can we leave?” Severus whispered to Lily.

“I wish...” she whispered back.

“Don’t stay on account of me,” Remus retorted.

“If you wouldn’t mind staying out of someone else’s conversation, Lupin.” Severus added.

Remus rolled his eyes and met eyes with James who was trying his hardest not to laugh. He had been trying to impress Lily for the better part of the ride, but she continued to ignore him and talk with Severus and Marlene.

Remus snuck a glance over at Sirius who’s fingers were now running across Marlene’s collarbone. Remus wondered if they had been together yet. He felt his cheeks get hot as he refocused on his book. He had been reading up on the homunculus charm they had hoped to use to charm the map, but it was incredibly powerful magic that even he couldn’t come close to achieving yet.

His pinky was running over the skin of his bottom lip as he continued reading on, a nervous tic he had picked up in his youth. He sighed and looked up, meeting eyes with Sirius for the first time. Sirius’s cheeks were a light shade of pink and his chest was rising and falling slowly.

Sirius took a deep breath in, holding it for a moment as he kept eyes with Remus. Remus felt breathless, like his air wasn’t his own in those moments. They stared at each other for another long moment until Remus finally had to drop his gaze. His heart was beating desperately in his chest. He glanced up again only to see that Sirius was still watching his every movement.

They all carried their large trunks up to the top of the stairs to their dormitory.

“I know I’ll be the first to get it.” Sirius kept saying, they had started their conversation about animagi again.

“No way... I’ll be practicing all night long until I get it right. I’m definitely going to be the first one.” James retorted. “So Sirius... now that you’re dating McKinnon and Remus is a prefect with Lily... you guys are going to talk me up to her, right?”

“I don’t know if any amount of talking up will do the trick James, she’s just not interested.” Remus added.

“Did you see the way Snivellus was trying to overtake her on the train. He’s so bloody possessive and she’s not even his girlfriend.”

“That was annoying, someone needs to teach him a lesson.” Sirius added.

“And are you going to be the one to do it, Mister Black?” Remus asked.

Sirius looked up and caught Remus’s eyes again, giving him a small smile before looking back down. “I bet I could.”

Remus opened up the wardrobe and began filling it with his sweaters and robes.

“Oi! Save some room for us in there!” Peter said always running over to put His hanging clothes away as well.

Remus laughed and reached to grab his pile of Gryffindor ties laying each flat against a hanger, taking extra time to hang them straight against one another.

Sirius filled his side with his hanging clothes in messy fashion right next to Remus’s side.

“Could you not make your bit look a little neater there, Sirius?” Remus asked pushing his clothes further away to make room for his ties.

“Don’t think so...” Sirius said reaching up to move his hanging clothes back.

Remus moved his fingers down and closer to Sirius who reached his pinky over and let it run across Remus’s fingers.

They both let out a breath and glanced quickly at each other before dropping their hands.

“Oi, Moony, look!” James called to him.

Remus turned to see a moon chart hanging on their bedroom wall.

“Now we can all follow your moon cycle.” James said.

“That looks cool, I’m getting that tattooed on me.” Sirius said walking over to take a closer look.

“Thanks guys....” Remus said sitting down on his bed. They all turned and looked at him. “You know... for accepting me.”

“We accept every piece of you Remus.” James sat down next to him.

Remus smiled at his friends who were all surrounding him now.

“Now come on! Let’s go down to the common room to see everyone else.” James and Peter both jumped up and began racing down there leaving Remus and Sirius alone together.

“We should join the others before they come back up here.” Remus said, his stomach fluttering into his chest.

Sirius took a breath and nodded his head taking a step back so Remus could stand without bumping into him.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered before turning away.

Remus’s heart swelled as Sirius looked up at him and his stomach began to drop. What could he possibly say, Sirius was still dating someone. Someone Remus didn’t entirely hate. “Uh... nothing... lets join the others.”

“Okay,” Sirius brushed his fingers down Remus’s arm, letting them linger at his wrist while he passed make Remus’s eyes flutter shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so tired, but I wasn’t home last night and couldn’t upload, but here... take it!


	9. Fine Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus are skating across a fine line currently, but something has to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play Fine Line by Harry Styles. 
> 
> Also, please be gentle with Sirius as he is navigating his feelings.

Chapter Nine

Fifth Year

Sirius was conflicted. He felt like an ass for continuing to date Marlene, but at this point she liked him so much that he just felt guilty breaking up with her.

“It’s not like Remus and I are doing anything even...” he grumbled to himself as he walked to the hospital wing.

“Hey!”

Sirius flinched as Marlene came up behind him. “Where are you heading?” She reached for his hand.

“Oh... umm...” Sirius looked towards the hospital wing that housed a post full moon werewolf in it. “Looking for you. Want to go study together?”

“Study? Sirius Black wants to study in the first week of school?” Marlene giggled. “Or by study did you mean something else?” She wrapped her arms around his back.

Sirius looked towards the hospital wing once more before pulling her into a kiss. “Probably something else.”

“Well, why don’t we go somewhere a little quieter then?” Marlene said leaning in again.

“Yeah?” Sirius pulled her closer pressing kisses down her neck.

“Uh... hey?” James and Peter were standing there.

“Oh... hey guys.” Sirius said.

Marlene laughed and hid her head against Sirius’s shoulder.

“Well... we’ll just be leaving then.” James said walking past them.

“Actually, I should probably go with them. Can we take a rain check on...this?”

“Uhh... sure. Okay.” Marlene smiled and stood back while Sirius caught up with his friends.

“You didn’t have to leave her there.” Peter said quietly.

“We always go together the day after. I don’t want to miss it.” Sirius said.

They walked into the wing and Madame Pomfrey smiled at them and nodded towards a closed off curtain at the end of the hospital wing.

They walked in and opened curtain.

“Hey Moony.” James said.

“Hey guys,” Remus smiled at them from the bed. He tried to sit up but flinched grabbing his side and falling back down.

“Last night was a bad one?” Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged.

“Well fear not, we’ve brought your assignments and chocolate, and snacks.” Peter hopped on the bed and laid out the goods.

“Yeah, and we had to traverse through Sirius and Marlene making out to do so. You should feel very special.” James said.

Remus and Sirius met eyes. “Sorry.” He mouthed.

“Yeah... I definitely feel special.” Remus said. “I’m pretty tired though guys, mind if I catch up with you once I’m out?”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll catch up with you.” James said.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you guys out there in just a second.” Sirius said. “Just gotta ask Moony something real quick.”

The other two left and Sirius sighed sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Sorry...” Sirius said quietly.

Remus took a deep breath before reaching his hand towards Sirius, “There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s not like we’re... anything... right?”

Sirius looked at Remus’s hand before letting his fingers touch Remus’s, lacing them together. “Right... we’re just friends.” Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. Remus was right, they were just friends. He didn’t need to feel guilty about Marlene.

Things were different between them, Sirius didn’t fully understand what exactly they were, but he didn’t want to question it either. He and Marlene were till together, and they were getting closer and closer to becoming animagi. And Sirius and Remus were just friends, at least that’s what both of them were telling themselves. They would all hang out the three of them, and things seemed fine. And Remus and Sirius weren’t doing anything incredibly scandalous, he wasn’t even sure it could be qualified as cheating. He would be willing to do any of it with James or Peter, but he knew it would mean nothing then. 

“Hey, do you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?” Marlene asked. “Remus you could bring Dorcas if you wanted to come too.”

“That sounds good, Marlene.” Sirius squeezed her hand in his.

“Okay, I’ve got herbology now, so I’ll meet up with you later?” Marlene said as she brushed a kiss on Sirius’s lips.

“See you on the pitch later!” He called to her. She smiled and waved goodbye.

Sirius glanced over at Remus whose head was down as they walked towards Potions. He let his hand fall next to Remus’s, their fingers brushing against one another’s until Remus linked their fingers together, hidden by their robes. Sirius inhaled sharply, the breathlessness washing over him. He moved his bag over to cover their hands as he gripped Remus’s tightly in his, letting his thumb trace down one of his scars. 

“Do you want to study tonight?” Remus asked as they reached their potions classroom, their fingers still secretly locked with each other’s.

“Yes.” Sirius said finally letting go of Remus’s hand.

Severus passed them both and rolled his eyes. “If you two are done could you please leave the middle of the doorway?”

Sirius let his foot slide out to trip Severus on his way in. He tripped and dropped his books to the ground.

“Watch yourself Snivellus.” Sirius said.

“I could hex you where you stand, Black!” Severus said scrambling for his wand.

Sirius’s wand already in his hand.

“Don’t be idiots... both of you. We’re in class.” Remus shoved the two boys away from each other.

Severus straightened his uniform and picked his books up. “You’re lucky your boyfriend was around to stop me.”

Sirius tried lunging for him only to be blocked by Remus.

“Just let it go, Sirius.” Remus pushed him in the opposite direction towards their seat.

“Someone needs to teach that slime ball a lesson. And trust me when I say its going to be me.” Sirius said.

“Oh I don’t doubt it, just kindly wait until we’re out of class please.” Remus said nudging Sirius with his elbow.

Sirius rolled his eyes before nudging Remus back.

“Oi Oi Oi!” James threw his arm around Sirius. “Butter beers in the common room?”

“I think I may go study in the library tonight. Rem is going to help me study.” Sirius said.

James pulled him back towards him. “Remus is?”

“What? He helps Peter study all the time.” Sirius added.

“You don’t like studying though... what’s going on with you two?” James asked.

“Nothing.” Sirius said, but the heat traveling to his cheeks proved otherwise.

“Sirius... you have a girlfriend. Who happens to be very nice by the way...” James said crossing his arms around him.

“I know that... nothing is going on between Remus and me. We’re just friends.” Sirius said again, more firmly this time.

“I just... don’t want you doing something you might regret.”

Sirius looked down. “I know...” Sirius pulled his shirt over his head. “We’re not doing anything, we’re just hanging out.”

“But when does just hanging out end up being more than that?” James asked.

“What do you want me to never hang out with Remus again? I tried that last year and it blew up in my face. Remus is my friend, I want to hang out with him.” Sirius grabbed his bag. “Just don’t worry about it, James.”

He turned and walked away, heading towards the library. His brain was twisting every which way. James was right, of course. He was being selfish, he was being an idiot. He couldn’t keep doing this to Marlene, she was a good person and she didn’t deserve to be hurt. He stopped in his tracks and turned around heading towards the common room instead of the library where he said he’d meet Remus.

He climbed through the hole and immediately saw the blonde sitting with her friends on the couches.

“Hey...” he said walking up to her.

She smiled. “Hey. Great job at practice today.”

Sirius smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Come take a walk with me.”

Marlene nodded and got up, grabbing his hand and leading him through the portrait hole.

After some time they finally stopped by Great Hall. “So what’s up?”

Sirius locked eyes with the floor. “We need to break up...” he said barely loud enough to hear himself.

Marlene said nothing.

“I’m sorry Marlene... I just can’t keep doing this and I... don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s Remus... isn’t it?” She whispered quietly.

Sirius’s head shot up. “You... knew?”

“I mean... not really.” She wiped her eyes. “But you sort of just confirmed my suspicions.”

“I’m sorry Marlene, I should have ended things sooner, I didn’t want to hurt you... and I didn’t really know what I wanted for a while...”

“So you cheated on me to figure it out?” Marlene asked.

“No! I didn’t... well... kind of.. I guess... last year I sort of kissed him once. But it never happened again. It hasn’t happened since then. But i still should have ended things because I do feel things for him.”

“Yeah probably...” Marlene wiped her eyes again.

“I’m sorry Marlene. You deserved better from me.” Sirius whispered.

“Yeah I did.” Marlene said quietly. She took a couple of steps back. “Goodbye Sirius.”


	10. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! They are on their way to being a couple!

Chapter Ten

Fifth Year

Remus glanced at his pocketwatch again before sighing and gathering his books up. He hated that he couldn’t even be annoyed at Sirius.

“Damn it...” Remus said hitting his head against the end of a bookshelf.

“You alright?”

Remus shot up to see Sirius standing in front of him. Heat rose to his cheeks as he looked at his pocket watch again. “I suppose I should be thankful you showed up at all... even if you’re two hours late.”

“Sorry...” Sirius said fumbling with the end of his sweater.

“What were you doing?” Remus asked shifting his books to his other arm.

“I was with Marlene...we—“

“Oh great...” Remus rolled his eyes. “I hate this, Sirius. What am I to you even? Your friend? More than that?”

“You’re more than that.” Sirius said quietly.

Remus slammed his books on the table next to him. “Then break up with Marlene. Because I can’t keep doing this with you. It’s not fair to me! And it’s not fair to her either. Stop being so damn selfish and just make your choice.”

“I did.” Sirius said.

“What?”

“I was with her now because... I ended things with her.” Sirius looked over at Remus then, his blue eyes piercing into him.

“You ended things with her?” Remus echoed him.

“Yes... just now.”

Remus took a deep breath before clearing the distance between himself and Sirius and pressing his lips to the black haired boys. Sirius wrapped his hands around the back of Remus’s neck, his fingers getting lost in his blonde hair.

Sirius pressed Remus against the dusty library books sliding his hand through Remus’s hair again.

Remus looked down at Sirius. “So... I suppose I should apologize for yelling at you then?”

Sirius laughed. “I mean... you could?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t even think I realized how jealous I was until I was exploding at you.” Remus let his head fall onto Sirius’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I put you through it... I’m sorry I didn’t make the choice sooner.” Sirius wrapped his arms tighter around Remus.

The four boys all sat together in the common room reading through their transfiguration homework. James scrunched his hair up out of his face. “What’s all this about having to wait until an electric storm to say the incantation?”

“I told you it was a complicated spell...” Remus said under his breath.

“You may be the least grateful person in the world Rem,” Sirius shoved him and they all laughed.

“Oh hey, Lily.” James said bolting up towards Lily and Marlene and Dorcas.

Lily glared at James even harsher than usual. “Your best mate over there dumped my best friend after cheating on her, don’t come over here and ‘hey Lily’ me.”

Sirius and Marlene met eyes quickly before she turned and walked away towards the stairs.

James sat back down. “You cheated on her?” James whispered.

“No... well... sort of... it was an accident.” Sirius whispered. “Come on James... I broke up with her before things got out of hand.”

Remus stared down at his book, heat rushing to his face.

James rolled his eyes. “Great... now my chances of Lily dating me have dropped by about half.”

“And they already weren’t great.” Peter mumbled. Remus snorted out a laugh before bringing the book closer to his face.

“Shut up, Peter.” James grumbled.

“Well... I’m so sorry that your prospects on dating a girl that doesn’t even like you have dipped there mate.... I’m fine by the way.”

“I know you’re fine. You got what you wanted all along.” James side-eyed Remus. Remus pretended not to notice and raised his book higher.

“Are you dating someone else now then?” Peter asked.

“Uh... I mean... no... not exactly...”

“Not exactly?” Remus asked lowering his book. He knew they hadn’t talked about it, but Remus had assumed that him breaking it off with Marlene meant they could start dating.

“It’s... complicated. I don’t want to just start dating someone right after ending things with Marlene. That would just feel like showing off.”

“Ah... well I guess you won’t be trying to sneak off to broom cupboards and the like then?” James said again.

Sirius shot his eyes to Remus in the hopes of getting some sort of encouragement. Remus only raised his eyebrows at him because he was curious too.

“This conversation is stupid. I don’t have to explain myself to any of you.”

“Well... I don’t know about that.” Remus said under his breath, loud enough for Sirius to catch.

“Look James. I’m sorry that my breakup has diminished your chances of dating Lily. But I’m glad I ended things with her. You told me to anyways.” Sirius added.

“Let’s just drop it and focus on something else.” Remus offered. “Term exams are coming up.”

“Don’t remind me...” Sirius grumbled. “I’m going to fail my Herbology exam... I just know it.”

“I’ll help you.” Remus offered.

“I bet you will.” James added under his breath.

“Shut up!” Sirius growled out.

As the common room cleared and Remus and Sirius were becoming more and more alone Remus finally gathered his nerve and brought it up.

“So... you don’t want to date?” He whispered quietly so the group of third years across the room wouldn’t become interested.

Sirius sighed and let his hand fall next to Remus’s. “Of course I do. I just want to wait a bit... at least before we make it a thing. I didn’t do right by Marlene and she doesn’t need that rubbed in her face everyday seeing us together.”

Remus sighed and slid his hand slowly over Sirius’s.

“I’m sorry I didn’t bring it up earlier.” Sirius flipped his palm up as Remus ran his fingers across the skin there.

“It’s alright... I understand what you mean.” Remus let his thumb slide over the pulse there at Sirius’s wrist, desperately wanting to press a kiss against his veins. “So... just friends then?”

Sirius looked up at him through his long lashes. “Well... I wouldn’t go that far.” He laced their fingers together, glancing around the common room before leaning across the table towards Remus. Remus smiled and leaned over too, meeting his lips. “Let’s just keep it quiet right now, just between us.”

“And apparently James...” Remus snorted.

“Heh... yeah... and apparently James.” Sirius smiled.

“... and sort of Peter...” Remus blushed.

Sirius cocked his head in confusion. “He... sort of knows I fancy you is all.”

Sirius raised his eye brows. “knows?”

Remus shrugged. “Figured it out last year while you were busy snogging the pants off McKinnon.”

Sirius smirked and looked down at their laced hands. “Fine then... just the Marauders.”


	11. The Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Prank. Need I say more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no fam... here it comes.

Chapter Eleven

Sirius leaned back in his seat as Professor Slughorn stirred a large potion at the front of the class. He glanced over at Remus who was absentmindedly twirling a strand of hair around his finger.

Sirius leaned closer in his chair, the weight causing the legs to slam down.

“Mister Black, please keep your seat legs firmly on the ground and stop concerning yourself with what Mister Lupin is working on.” Professor Slughorn said turning to give him a crooked smile.

James and Peter were turning red trying to hold in their laughter.

“Apologies professor.” Sirius said sitting up straight in his chair. 

Professor Slughorn nodded his head and turned back towards the cauldron.

“Pay attention, Black.” Remus whispered.

“Stop making it so difficult then, Lupin.” Sirius whispered back. He glanced back towards Marlene in the back of the class.

She stared at him as well for a long moment before sighing and looking down at her book once again. She was chewing on her lip.

Lily looked towards Marlene and nudged her with her arm before looking over towards Sirius.

Sirius tried giving her an apologetic smile but it seemed to miss the mark.

As they walked out of Potions class Sirius pushed forwards to catch up with Marlene.

“Hey...” Sirius touched her shoulder. “Can we talk?”

“No.” Marlene moved further away from him, Lily following.

Sirius sighed and threw his hands in the air. “Shit.”

“Stop trying to make up with McKinnon, she’s pouting for attention.” Severus shoved past Sirius.

“Isn’t she your friend?” Sirius asked.

“No. Marlene McKinnon is ditsy and has never had an original thought, but for some reason Lily takes pity on her.” Severus said.

“Lily must be a saint... it seems she takes pity on everyone around her.” Sirius said. “She’s friends with a slimy snake like you, after all.”

“Well... your friends must feel the same way about you then.” Severus shoved Sirius away.

“You better watch who you try to shove there, snake.” Sirius said.

“You better watch who you call a snake... blood traitor.” Snape said so quiet Sirius almost thought he heard wrong.

He stopped and stared after the black haired boy as he continued walking on.

“What?” James said. “Did he say something?”

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

“He called you a what?” James was pacing their dorm room.

“You heard me the first time.” Sirius said.

“He’s disgusting.” Remus whispered from his bed.

“He needs to be taught a lesson.” Peter said.

“How can he think so backwards? His best friend is muggle-born.” Remus said.

“He’s a Slytherin, what do you expect, Rem.” Sirius flopped his head down on Remus’s bed.

“Your brother’s a Slytherin... do you think he feels that way?” Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’s hair.

“I know he feels that way... at least the rest of my family does.” Sirius said. He met eyes with Remus. Remus smiled and stared down.

“Well... there needs to be a shift in education then, this pure-blood supremacy has gone on long enough.” Remus added sliding his hand down Sirius’s chest until it finally reached Sirius’s own hand, their fingers lacing together.

“You’re not wrong there mate.” James cleared his throat. “So... is this just how its going to be now?”

“Yeah...” Sirius said quickly, still staring up towards the blonde haired boy above him.

Remus smiled down and bit his lip. “Yeah.”

They were all standing out by the whomping willow the night of the full moon. “Well... I suppose I should be heading that way.”

“You won’t have to do this alone for much longer, Rem. We’re so close to being able to begin the process. I can feel it.” James put his hand on Remus’s shoulder.

Remus smiled and nodded. “You’re all good friends.” Remus caught Sirius’s eye before looking back down.

“We’ll... see you back in the common room, Sirius.” Peter nudged Sirius before he and James both made their way back into the castle.

Remus was still staring down at the ground kicking a rock around with his foot.

“I’ll... uh... see you tomorrow?” Sirius said reaching for Remus’s fingers.

“Are you sure about this?” Remus asked.

“About?”

“Us I mean... what would happen to you if your family found out?” Remus asked.

“Do you think I give a damn what my family thinks of me?” Sirius said.“You matter far more than they do to me, Remus.”

Remus smiled and caught Sirius’s fingers in his. “Okay.” He turned and began his journey alone.

Sirius turned and began walking away before running into a Slytherin boy who glared at him. “What are you doing lurking around, Black?”

Sirius glared back at Severus Snape. “Why do you care, Snivellus?”

“I think you’re up to something... maybe a late night rendezvous with your little boyfriend, maybe something worse. But don’t think I won’t—“

“Hey I’ve got an idea, Snivellus... why don’t you just piss off and mind your own business.”

“Blood traitor...” Snape whispered under his breath.

Sirius swallowed down his anger. “Or better yet... why don’t you go down the hidden tunnel under the whomping willow and see where that leads you to. Never know what you may find.” Sirius walked away, Snape watching with wide eyes.

Sirius walked through the portrait hole, his best friend sitting and writing across a scroll.

“Hey,” Sirius flopped into the soft cushion next to him. “Where’s Peter?”

“He said he was tired and went up for the night.” James slammed the book shut on the scroll. “You and Remus get to say your goodbyes?”

“Yeah... then I saw Snivellus on my way back.”

“He’s such an idiot...” James growled out.

“Yeah... I told him to go follow the tunnel under the whomping willow to see what he finds.” Sirius laughed out.

It was silent next to him for a long moment. “You did what?”

“You know... I told him to...” Sirius looked up to see James wide eyed. “Follow... the tunnel... oh no... oh shit... I’ve fucked up!”

“Lets go.” They both raced out of the common room and to the grounds of the castle.

“Why did you say that? What were you thinking?” James yelled as they both jumped into the tunnel of the whomping willow, Remus’s groaning already becoming amplified.

“Well I didn’t think he’d actually do it.” Sirius said back. They began climbing up the stairs, the ground turning into guttural screams of a young boy beginning the transformation into an animal. Sirius felt sick hearing Remus like that, and even worse seeing Snape perched behind the door watching it happen.

“Severus...” James whispered. “You need to come with us... it’s dangerous here.”

“He’s.... he’s a...” Severus whispered back.

“Do you really want to stay and find out?” Sirius asked. He flinched as Remus screamed louder from inside the door.

They pulled Snape away and all raced back through the whomping willow. “He’s a werewolf! You tried to have me killed, Black!”

“Well I didn’t think you’d actually go down there.” Sirius said as they all gasped for breath, the faint sounds of screams from the shack still audible.

“We came back to find you, didn’t we?” James asked.

“I suppose you think I owe you something now, Potter. Well I don’t... if it wasn’t for your recklessness I wouldn’t have almost been murdered by a werewolf. I can’t believe his kind is allowed at this school.”

“Don’t say anything about him!” Sirius yelled.

Severus made to lunge forward, but instead he turned and walked in the opposite direction.

“Shit... do you... do you think he’s going to tell everyone?” Sirius asked.

James sighed. “Yeah I do... you really fucked up Sirius.” James left him there, walking ahead.

Sirius’s head felt filled with sand. “Yeah...” he slowly began the climb up to Gryffindor tower alone, the weight of what he had done sinking into him threatening to suck him into the stone below him.


	12. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a lot to think about.

Chapter Twelve

Remus walked through the portrait hole, his eyes scanning for the black haired boy. He climbed the steps and opened the door to their dormitory.

“What the hell happened last night?” Remus asked.

Sirius looked down. “Remus... I thought it would be funny to tell Snape to follow you through the tunnel...”

“You did what?” Remus asked his eyes going wide.

“I’m sorry... I wasn’t thinking... I thought it would be funny.” Sirius looked down.

Remus walked up to him and in an instant punched him square in the jaw. He was almost more shocked than Sirius was as his fist made contact.

“Remus!” James called.

“No I deserved that...” Sirius said.

“Why would you do that? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Remus yelled.

“I’m sorry Rem... I wasn’t thinking—“

“No you weren’t! You never think about if your actions hurt others. You never think of anyone but yourself. You’re a selfish little prat whose never dealt with the real world.” Remus yelled.

“Remus... I’m so sorry. I know you’re right. You’re right about all of it. I don’t know why I did that.”

“This is my life, Sirius... can you even think of what would have happened if I had killed him? I would have been sent to Azkaban... or just killed.” Remus’s eyes welled with tears as he took a few steps backwards. “I’m done.” He turned and began walking away.

“Remus... please don’t leave. We can talk about this.” Sirius grabbed Remus’s wrist.

Remus turned around and shoved Sirius off of him staring into his blue eyes as tears began to catch on his cheeks. Remus bit his lip before standing further away. “I said I’m done... with all of it. Stay away from me, Sirius.”

He turned and left the room slamming the door shut. He bit hard at his lip, the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He took a deep breath and walked away.

Remus made his way up to the top of the astronomy tower and sat at the window’s edge. He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes.

“I thought I might find you up here,” a soft voice was behind him.

Remus turned to see an elderly man with glittering lavender robes and a long beard.

“Professor Dumbledore...” Remus turned back to the astronomy tower.

“It would seem you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of trouble.” Dumbledore offered.

“I didn’t get myself into it!” Remus cried pulling his knees closer together. “I assume Severus came and told you.”

“He did...” Dumbledore said.

Remus sighed. “I suppose I should go and pack my trunk then...”

“Mister Lupin... I invited you to join Hogwarts with the knowledge of your condition. Your friend made an error in judgement which had nothing to do with you. You are not being expelled.”

Remus breathed a sigh of relief, his eyes once again filling with tears. “Yeah... an error in judgement that almost got someone killed.”

“A grave error in judgement it was... but possibly an error none the less?” Dumbledore said.

Remus shook his head. “It doesn’t matter if it was an error in judgement. They think of me as a monster, that much is clear to me now.”

Dumbledore put his hand to Remus’s shoulder. “I wonder if they would go to such lengths to try and help you if they truly felt that?”

Remus’s head shot around to Dumbledore, he didn’t dare say anything, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Dumbledore knew.

Professor Dumbledore gave him a small smile, saying nothing of it if he did know.

Remus turned back towards the open sky. “It doesn’t matter now anyways.”

“I cannot change your mind, but I hope you don’t give up on your friends so easily Mister Lupin.”

The sound of heeled boots began to grow quiet as Dumbledore walked down the many steps of the Astronomy Tower.

Remus walked into his transfiguration class glancing towards his friends. Sirius made to stand but Remus took a step back shaking his head before finding a seat in the back of the class.

Remus was trying to get out of class quickly. “Rem! Remus please! I’m sorry! Please just talk to me.” Sirius reached out for Remus.

“No Sirius! Just... please just leave me alone.” He turned and walked away away as quickly as he could.

Someone was shaking him awake from his favorite spot in the library. He glanced up to see a red head looking down at him.

“We have the grounds tonight.” She smiled.

“Right... sorry.” Remus grabbed his robes and threw it on.

“Have you been sleeping here?” Lily asked as they began walking.

“Yeah... just last night and tonight.” Remus said.

“Remus... are you okay?” Lily asked.

Remus was silent for a moment before looking over. “You know... don’t you?”

“Yes... Sev told me.” Lily said.

“Are you freaked out?” Remus asked.

“Why would I be freaked out? It’s not like you asked to be a werewolf.” Lily continued walking, stopping to pick up some scrolls that had been forgotten in the Great Hall.

“Is Severus freaked out?” Remus asked.

“He was... but Dumbledore sort of set him straight. I told him it wasn’t your fault.” Lily said.

“Head back to your common room.” Remus said to some third year Ravenclaws. “I know it wasn’t my fault. None of this was.”

“I know...” Lily stopped and looked to him. “You should forgive Sirius. He’s a mess. He feels terrible. I can see it even as a bystander.”

“He deserves to feel terrible. That prank could have killed Snape and destroyed my life.” Remus said.

“It could have gone terribly, but he did try to fix it and... don’t you love him?” Lily asked.

Remus looked over. “You know?”

Lily smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “You boys don’t give us nearly enough credit.”

“I thought you hated Sirius, why do you want me to forgive him so badly?” Remus crossed his arms as he continued walking.

“I hate what he did to my friend... what you both did to her. But I think Sirius is a good person still.”

“Do you think James is a good person too? I mean... he did rescue Sni— I mean... Severus.” Remus nudged her with his arm.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I still think he’s a toe-rag, but... and you better keep this to yourself... I guess he’s not completely terrible.”

Remus looked down to the red head, her cheeks a light shade of pink. “Don’t worry, Lily... your secret is safe with me.”

“As is yours.” She said smiling up at him. “Come on... we still have to go check the dungeons and the kitchens. And by the way... I know that you’re hurting still. I can’t say I blame you. But maybe you should consider if this moment is worth losing Sirius over.”

“I... how am I supposed to know that? I’m still so angry at him. I know it was an accident, but... he is closest to me and he didn’t even consider the repercussions of his actions. He didn’t think of me at all.”

“I think only you can decide if its worth trying to fix for him or not Remus.” Lily squeezed his hand once before letting go and walking away.

Remus stood there a moment longer, he looked down at his fingers, scarred and damaged from biting and clawing at himself every month. He had never thought he would be accepted, let alone loved and cherished by someone. He didn’t know that he was ready to give that up. Remus sighed and followed the red head down the steps towards the dungeons.

He had been mulling over everything in his head for the last couple of days now. He knew that Sirius felt terribly for everything, he knew that he was just being his idiot brained self and not thinking of the consequences before leaping, but was that enough? Things had been handled with care, but it could have been terrible, he could have in an instant become a murderer. He felt incredibly strong feelings for Sirius, but what if that wasn’t enough to forgive him?


	13. A Chance at Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby boys working it out.

Chapter Thirteen

“This is getting ridiculous. Remus hasn’t been to the dorms in two days. You have to find him and apologize again.” James was pacing back and forth through their dorm.

“I’ve tried... I feel like every time I try to apologize I just hurt him more though.” Sirius pulled at his shirt. “I’m... I’m gonna speak with McGonagall today after classes. I’ll ask to be moved to a different dormitory. You two didn’t do anything so hopefully that will help Remus to come back. He shouldn’t lose his friends because of me.”

“But if you go we may get stuck with some chav who doesn’t know his left from his right.” Remus said from the doorway.

They all stopped and looked over to him.

“Remus!” James and Peter said in unison as they raced towards him wrapping him in an embrace. “Where have you been?” James asked.

“We were worried about you. Where were you sleeping?” Peter asked.

“Just in the library. I needed some time.” Remus said.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Sirius said from his bed. “You should’ve slept here.”

Remus met Sirius’s eyes. “I wanted time away from you.”

“I know... I’m—“

“What you did was selfish, and reckless, and dangerous... not to mention you completely disregarded the effect it would have on me.”

Sirius swallowed down the tears forming in his throat. “I know... I’m... I’m so sorry Remus. I understand if—“

“But...” Remus looked down at his feet before taking a small step towards Sirius. “I know you... and I know your heart... and I... I love those parts enough to forgive you for this.”

Sirius could feel the tears already catching at his chin as he raced up to Remus practically throwing himself into his arms. He nuzzled himself into Remus’s shirt, his tears soaking through the fabric. He knew he should be trying to hold himself together more, but spending two days thinking the boy you had fallen in love with hated you was too much for him to hold in any longer.

“I’m so sorry Remus... I’m so sorry...” he scrunched Remus’s already wrinkled shirt in his fingers.

Remus reached up and pet Sirius’s hair down as he held him close. “I know, Sirius... I forgave you already.”

James and Peter joined in the hug and wrapped their arms around the two boys. “The Marauders are together once again!” Peter said resting his head on Sirius.

Remus and Sirius nuzzled in closer until their noses were touching.

“Oh stop staring like that and just kiss already you idiots.” James said. Neither him or Peter making any attempt to un-suction themselves from their sides.

Remus rolled his eyes and laughed, but did look at Sirius in that way that he was sure he’d never get to see again. Sirius smiled and wrapped his hands around Remus’s neck pulling him closer until their lips finally brushed together.

“Okay that’s enough of that.” Remus said.

“Yeah, it’s too weird when you guys are still hugging us.” Sirius added, but refused to remove himself from Remus.

James laughed and just hugged them both tighter.

“And now for the best news.” James finally said as they all parted from their group hug. “We’re ready to begin. Next full moon we’re ready to start the process.”

“I’m even ready... thanks to you all.” Peter said.

Remus let a breath out. “I can’t wait to run with you guys at night.”

“Us too Moony.” James said.

It wasn’t until later that night after classes were finished and Sirius was done with quidditch that he finally had an opportunity to be alone with Remus.

“Can we... talk for a minute?” Sirius asked as they all sat around the fire in the common room.

Remus nodded and stood up. They walked out of the portrait hole and down the stairs, neither saying anything until they reached the greenhouses.

“I want you to be aware of how badly I feel about what I did Remus.” Sirius said facing Remus.

“We don’t have t—“

“No... I do. I didn’t think about how hard it had been for you to tell us that you were a werewolf. I didn’t think in that moment of the trust you had placed in me as your friend to keep your secret. I know I’ve said it already, but I cannot describe how sorry I am for breaking that trust Rem... I swear to you I’ll never do it again. I’ll even make an unbreakable vow to you if you want.”

Remus chuckled and stared down at the stone below them. “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, Black. Thank you for apologizing. It means a lot to me. You... mean a lot to me.”

Sirius smirked as he reached for Remus’s hand. “I believe your exact words were that you loved me.”

Remus turned beet red and shoved Sirius away. “Oh come on... give me a break I was trying to be eloquent.”

Sirius laughed and pulled Remus back by his hand. “Does that mean it wasn’t true then?”

“I’m... not saying that it wasn’t true...” Remus said.

Sirius pulled Remus closer and wrapped his hands around the taller boys neck, his fingers touching his blonde hair. “Well... I love you too, you know.”

“We’re not even dating and you’re already saying you love me? You’ve been spending far too much time with James.”

“That may be true.” Sirius and Remus both laughed. “But... that doesn’t change the way I feel.”

They met eyes before Remus brought his hand to Sirius’s cheek. He nodded before pulling Sirius into him wrapping him into a hug so tight it almost hurt Sirius.

“Missed you...” Remus whispered, his voice shaking.

Sirius bit his lip.“Missed you...” he whispered as tears pricked at his eyes.

Sirius leaned closer and pressed their lips together. It felt so different than the few times they had kissed before. Remus sighed into the embrace in a way that he had never really allowed himself before. Sirius wondered if Remus had been holding back his feelings in fear that Sirius would leave or get tired of him or if it was just a phase he was going through.

Remus wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius pressing their bodies together as close as possible, deepening their kiss even further and successfully making Sirius feel breathless once again. He knew he didn’t deserve a chance at redemption with Remus, but he would be damned if he wasted it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to spend too long on the prank because it makes me sad and they need some good times. It may be brought up further on, we’ll see. But for now, back to your regularly scheduled Wolfstar fluff.


	14. Animagus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys become animagi.

Chapter Fourteen

Things had apparently gone smooth at the very start of the animagus process, they each had their mandrake leaf, trying to make extra care to keep it in place under their tongues. James and Peter were taking extra care to make no notice of it, Sirius on the other hand was being dramatic, as usual. He spent the entire first few days refusing to speak to anyone and only speaking through closed lips. Remus called him out quickly though as James and Peter seemed to have no problem what-so-ever speaking still, to which Sirius gave one of his huge smiles and winked.

After the first week though, none of them seemed bothered by it, there was a small scare that Peter had swallowed his, but only a momentary panic before realizing he in fact had only moved it to a different location in his mouth.

Remus was sitting on the floor by the fire, his favorite place in the common room to study, his legs were crossed and he was feeling perfectly warmed. James and Sirius were both seated opposite him across the small coffee table.

“Remus?” a girl called behind him. Remus turned around to his shock to see Marlene holding a large book in her hands. “S-sorry to bother you lot... but I am completely lost in History of Magic, can I borrow your notes?”

“Yeah, course. Come sit.” Remus offered. She walked over slowly and sat down on the couch behind Remus.

Sirius watched her, offering her a small smile. She met his smile even if it did look slightly forced.

Lily and Dorcas both plopped themselves down on the couch next to Marlene.

“Marls, you won’t believe what’s just happened?” Lily offered.

“Hey there Evans...” James gave her his best smile, she rolled her eyes at him.

“Marcus Bolster just asked me out.” Dorcas said looking rather annoyed.

“Did he really?” Marlene asked.

“Marcus Bolster is a git,” Sirius said without thinking. “You should hold out for someone who can form a sentence.”

Remus snickered as he continued searching through his book bag.

All three girls stared at Sirius then. He immediately looked back down. “Sorry... s’pose I should stay out of it.”

“You’re not wrong though,” Dorcas added causing the entire group to giggle.

“Yeah, you’d be better off dating one of the Slytherins than Marcus... at least they might hold conversation.” James laughed stretching out.

“Let’s not go that far.” Marlene added. “Marcus may have pudding for a brain, but at least he’s not a pure-blood prick.”

“Oi!” James and Peter both said in unison. Sirius was unsurprising quiet.

“Sorry... present company excluded.” Marlene said. She and Sirius seemed to meet eyes for a moment, both giving each other small a kind nod.

Remus couldn’t help but smile too, thankful that maybe they could all just be at peace with one another finally. He handed Marlene the notes she was asking for, but no one made to budge as they all sat in comfortable silence together.

Remus and Sirius met eyes then, Sirius’s blue eyes burning holes into Remus. His heart felt lighter than it had in ages. Sirius must have noticed this because he gave Remus that crooked smile that he knew made Remus melt.

The month of mandrake leaf came to a close, which Remus was thankful for by the end. All three boys had grown a bit tired of having to swish it around to eat and drink and talk in class. Not to mention Remus really wanted to kiss Sirius, which had proven far too difficult.

Remus had been accompanying the boys every morning and night as they repeated their incantations, and finally on the night of an electric storm, they all stood, a good distance from one another. Remus watched his friends. Their wands all pointed at their hearts, he tried to calm his own nerves, worried they might sense it and get scared themselves.

“No turning back now, mates.” James said confidently. But it was Sirius who transformed first, just as he had promised them all he would. He turned very suddenly into a huge black dog Remus actually stumbled back watching it unfold. Sirius was the largest dog he’d ever seen in his life and looked positively ferocious.

“Yes!” James yelled before turned to face outwards again and immediately transforming himself into a massive stag, Peter following only seconds afterwards as a fat brown rat.

Remus gasped at his three friends as animals. “Bloody hell...” he whispered. “You’ve all actually done it.” The large dog came up to him and Remus couldn’t help but laugh as he ran his fingers through the dogs soft fur. Peter had climbed onto his shoulder, which only made him laugh more as the massive deer came up too nudging him with his antlers. Remus gasped. “You’re incredible. You’re all incredible.”

Dog Sirius seemed very excited by this and began wagging his tail and prancing around. They all transformed back and began laughing grabbing onto one another. “We’ve done it!” They cheered.

“You’re all bloody brilliant!” Remus cheered with them. “I am so impressed I could kiss the lot of you.” Remus couldn’t help the smile that was plastered to his face.

“Hey there... not all of us want to be snogged by you there, Moony.” James said.

Remus just laughed and grabbed James by the face planting a kiss on both cheeks before grabbing Peter and doing the same.

“Oi Moony!” Peter wiped both sides of his face.

Sirius was laughing as Remus pulled him into a far more intimate embrace than he had given the other two marauders.

“We’ve fucking done it!” Sirius cheered as rain plastered their clothes to their bodies. “We’re fucking brilliant!”

They were all racing back inside just as Lily turned the hall. “Remus!”She yelled stomping towards him. “We were meant to start our patrol ten minutes ago! And you’re all soaking. What were you thinking going out into a storm.”

“Couldn’t be helped, Evans.” James said throwing an arm around her as she squirmed away.

“Get dried and then meet me by the Great Hall.” Lily ordered Remus who was still all smiles. “The rest of you are out past curfew.”

“Come on, Lil...” Remus said giving her a nudge. She nudged back, but smiled.

“Don’t worry your highness, we’re on our way back to the dorms now.” Sirius gave her a bow before they all began heading towards Gryffindor tower.

“Five minutes, Lily!” Remus called back to her.

As the first full moon with the marauders joining in drew nearer and nearer Remus became more and more wary of their entire plan. He was trying his best to not worry the others, but no one had ever seen him transform, apart from the incident earlier this year, but even then no one had really seen him as a werewolf. And even through extensive research, Remus still feared for what could go wrong.

“James,” he grabbed the brown haired boys cloak as they were leaving potions.

James turned and gave Remus that toothy James grin.

“Can we... talk...” Remus asked, a knot already forming in his throat. They walked for a while before it was finally private enough. “About tomorrow...”

“Oh Moony, don’t worry—“ James tried calming.

“This is important...” Remus cut him off. “I need you to promise me something.”

James took note of Remus’s tone and nodded slowly.

Remus let out a breath. “If... things go wrong. If it looks like I’ll hurt you all. If it looks like I’m going to try and k-...” Remus closed his eyes and took another deep breath. “Kill you all... I need you to do it first.”

James eyes widened with the knowledge of what Remus was asking. “Remus...”

“Please James... you have to promise me.” Remus pleaded. “I can’t ask Sirius to do this... only you can.”

“Why do you think—“ James was cut off again.

“Because he loves me. And I know you do to, but not in the same way. And I know Peter loves me too, but he doesn’t have the resolve. I can’t be allowed to murder my best friends. Please... do this for me James.”

James was quiet for a moment before giving one slow nod.

Remus nodded too, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.

Finally the evening was upon them, the plan had been worked out and come 7 in the evening his three friends had sneaked into the shack with him and they all waited.

Remus bounced his legs up and down and took a deep breath. “I’m scared...” he admitted. “This is... really... you know... it’s vulnerable.” His skin had already started burning.

“We love every part of you, Moony.” Sirius had said.

Remus took a shaky breath and nodded. He pulled his coat off followed by his shirt. “It’s pretty intense...” he tried warning.

They all nodded.

“And you’ll need to be changed before I transform.” Remus was now unbuttoning his pants.

The three boys tried to all look other way as Remus finally shed the rest of his clothes and sat down naked on the floor. He shivered as a shooting pain went up his spine.

He met eyes with James who gave him another nod. Remus took another slow breath in, the burning in his blood beginning to set in. He glanced over to the moon and then met eyes with the beautiful blue eyed boy who’s eyes were burning into his soul.

“It’s...” Remus let out a low groan. “It’s time.” He whispered.


	15. The First Full Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders share their first full moon together.

Chapter Fifteen

The three marauders changed into their animagus forms and sat patiently watching their friend. Remus was groaning and his face was scrunched into a deep grimace. He began groaning louder and suddenly he was on all fours, the groans becoming guttural and deep. Sirius could feel his heartbeat quicken inside his chest. He felt a whimper escape him as he watched the boy he loved writhing on the ground as his body changed. Intense did not begin to cover how horribly gruesome it was. Remus was screaming now as his body elongated and fur began to grow out of him. His screams were slowly turning into pained desperate howls as his face mutated into the snout of a werewolf. His hands ripping open as the claws of the wolf came out.

James put a long hoof out in front of Sirius who was whimpering incessantly now. He knew what this meant, he needed to calm down, they needed to be calm for Remus. He willed his heartbeat to slow and sat once again.

Finally the transformation seemed to be over. Moony the wolf was whimpering and sniffing around before his eyes fixed on the three of them in front of him. He growled and prowled towards him. Peter’s whiskers twitched, but he didn’t dare move.

The eyes of the wolf caught onto him. Sirius felt compelled to step forward letting out a low whimper. Remus crawled closer to him and began circling him, sniffing him before finally doing something that almost shocked Sirius enough to change him back to a human. The wolf rubbed his head against the side of Sirius scenting him. He could feel the energy pulsing through Remus then, desperate and vicious, but trusting. James and Peter began slowly coming closer, Remus gave them each the same once over before rubbing himself against them, scenting them as well. They spent the rest of the moon getting acquainted with wolf Moony. Sirius pranced around him and Moony actually seemed to enjoy that and would chase after them in a sort of cat and mouse game. Moony would lunge at the walls of the shack throwing himself against the wood and clawing desperately. But Sirius and James seemed capable of forcing him away. Moony howled out, Sirius felt desperate to join, so he did. They followed Moony around the shack that first night, testing his limits and their own to what the wolf allowed of them. As the moon slowly began to set the wolf, perhaps knowing his time was coming to a close, shoved Sirius down before scenting him once again. The smell was heavy on him and he wondered if it would stay after he transformed back.

Watching the transformation back to human was just as painful. They changed back to as it seemed the worst was over. Remus was lying naked on the ground gasping for air and heaving and coughing into the ground. Sirius raced up and dropped to his side pulling a blanket over him.

His eyes finally focused and met Sirius’s. Remus let his head fall against Sirius. “You’re... all still alive?”

James and Peter were there now too, huge smiles on both of their faces. “Yes.” James whispered grabbing Remus by the shoulder.

Remus let a slow breath out.

“That was bloody brilliant.” Sirius smiled at him.

Remus let out a weak smile as well before letting his head fall back into Sirius.

“We should go.” Peter said quietly.

“Yeah... you should.” Remus added lifting his head from Sirius.

The other two boys made to leave. Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’s sweaty hair. Before pressing a kiss to his lips. “I love you.” He whispered into Remus’s hair.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Such a sap.”

Sirius laughed before finally standing to leave.

They slept most of the morning before Sirius finally heard stirring. James was leaned against the poster frame of his bed. “That was amazing, right?” He asked.

Sirius didn’t make to get up but turned. “Yeah...”

James let out a little snicker. “Wolf Moony seems to be pretty... forward with you.”

Sirius felt himself laughing too. “Yeah... I don’t know what that’s about... but wolf moony gets what wolf moony wants.” The scent did not fully wear off of him, but it was a lot milder. It smelled strongly of dense fur, but somewhere mingled in there was hints of cinnamon that were distinctly Remus.

They came to the hospital wing come noon and knocked. Madame Pomfrey let them in and ushered them to the back where the curtains were drawn.

“Wotcher Moony!” James called out busting through the curtains. “You decent?”

Remus laughed. “Doesn’t matter now I guess seeing as you’ve already barged in innit.”

“How do you feel?” Peter asked noticing Pomfrey still bustling about.

“Yeah... okay... it was an okay moon I guess.” Remus said smiling at his three friends, their secret life buzzing between them.

Sirius couldn’t help but smile at the incredible feat they had all performed. They all continued chatting passing around snacks. Remus had a confused look on his face as James and Peter were both talking quite animatedly of Severus’s head getting ballooned up from an engorgio that had ended backfiring last week. He sniffed the air before turning towards Sirius and giving him a confused look followed by a knowing look that in turn caused Remus to blush fiercely.

This made Sirius have to bite down on his lip to keep from laughing. Remus looked away and opened his book pulling it close to his face.

As they all four slowly made their way back to the Gryffindor tower, taking it easy as Remus was still pretty sore from the transformation.

“So... do you remember any of it?” Peter asked.

“Not really... there are a few blurs in there. I remember weird flashes from time to time, but nothing terribly concrete.” Remus said.

James and Sirius both glanced at each other, Peter trying his best to keep his face straight. “Well... we had loads of fun Rem. You really seem to enjoy chasing us... all safely of course.”

“Yeah.... you were even hyper away of how much larger you were than Peter and never batted at him or tried to hurt him.” James said.

They were all apparently trying to skirt around the fact that werewolf Moony had a particular fascination for Sirius.

“Well... you all smell like wolf now.” Remus said decidedly to break the ice.

“Yeah... I think you scented all of us to like... assert your dominance.” James wanted to give Remus every piece of dignity.

“Some more than others...” Sirius said quietly only to be nudged in the ribs by Remus.

“Yeah... I definitely don’t remember doing that so... sorry.” Remus was once again pink.

“Honestly Rem... if scenting us makes the wolf feel more in control, so be it. We don’t mind. Besides, it mostly wore off one we changed back.”

They helped Remus to a comfortable seat and he laid his head back.

“You need anything, mate?” Peter said. “I can go to the kitchens?”

“Yeah actually... I’m still starving.” Remus said.

“I’ll come too,” James gave Sirius a little smirk accompanied with an eyebrow raise.

They both left and the common room was quiet once again. “So...”

Remus smiled and immediately blushed. “Stop... I don’t know what happened.” His eyes were closed.

“It seems the big bad wolf likes me just as much as you do... even in dog form.” Sirius whispered into Moony’s hair.

“Shut up.” Remus covered his face with his hands. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why? For all we know it was because I was a dog and you felt the need to assert your dominance over such a close breed.” Sirius added.

“Sure... Let’s just go with that then. Also... you smell terrible. Did you not shower?” Remus asked.

“Trust me I did... I’m sure it will wear off soon enough.” Sirius let his arms fall around Moony who leaned into him, his eyes still closed.

“What was it like?” Remus asked quietly.

“It was... hard to watch. You transform that is. It looked so painful...” Sirius cringed at the memory.

“It is that.” Remus added.

“But once you were there as a wolf... it was actually kind of cool. You were huge. The biggest animal I’ve ever seen. And you just powered over us. Like... the energy and the magic could almost be tasted in the air. You were... incredible.”

Remus was silent.

“Sorry... was that insensitive?” Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head. “I just always thought I was probably psychotic and terrifying and... I don’t know.”

“I don’t know what nights looked like before we joined, but... last night was one of the best nights of my life.”

Remus leaned his head up from Sirius shoulder so they were eye level. Sirius took a quick glance around the room before letting their lips brush together.

Remus sighed and leaned against Sirius once again as their two friends returned with plates of snacks and drinks.

Sirius and Remus detangled just enough to grab snacks before settling back into one another, spending the Saturday how they had spent the entire night. Together just the four of them.


	16. Lassie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute boys.

Chapter Sixteen

Fifth Year

“We all need nicknames now.” Sirius said that night as they all were laying down in their beds.

“Nicknames?” Remus said his eyes close to closing.

“Yeah, we call you Moony... you know for obvious reasons. But we should all have nicknames. We could put it on the map once we’ve finished. It will be like our trademark.”

“Okay...” James sounded more alert now. “So what should they be then?”

“Something to do with our animals.” Peter said matter of factly.

“Rat boy?” Remus offered followed by snickers from James and Sirius.

“No! Absolutely not.” Peter cried from the far bed.

“Rat tail?” James offered. Another round of laughter.

It was quiet for a moment. “Wormtail?” Sirius finally offered.

“Actually... I kind of like that one.” Peter resigned.

“What about me?” Sirius asked.

“Lassie?” Remus suggested more laughter.

“Fido?” James said, whooping laughter from all sides.

“Toto?” Remus said said as they continued laughing.

“Fine... we’ll come back to mine.” Sirius grumbled from his bed. “James is obvious right?” They were all silent. “Well... he’s a stag so... Prongs?” Sirius continued.

“Prongs...” James let it sit with him. “I love it. It suits me.”

They all began drifting off into sleep slowly, but Remus was taken back out of his near sleep by the shuffling of his curtains. He glanced up to see Sirius climbing up onto his bed, shutting the curtains again.

“Muffliato...” Sirius whispered. “Hey.” He smiled at Remus.

Remus sat up. “Hey.” 

“How do you feel after everything? After this moon and all that?” Sirius asked.

Remus looked down and nodded. “It was good. I didn’t cut myself up or bite myself. And it seems like the wolf trusts you lot so...”

“It really seemed like you wanted to run as the wolf. I think next moon we should be able to take you out.” Sirius said.

Remus smiled. “Yeah maybe.” He felt nervous for some reason. Having Sirius in his bed at night felt almost too intimate for him.

Sirius was quiet for another minute. “James told me what you made him promise.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Bastard... can’t keep a secret even if I ask him to.”

“I think he would have if last night hadn’t gone so well.” Sirius fiddled with pyjamas. “Why didn’t you talk with me about how you were feeling?”

Remus shrugged fighting the urge to close himself off. “I don’t know... I guess because I didn’t think you would listen. You always want to believe the best in me, but the wolf was an unknown variable.”

Sirius nodded slowly. “But you trust me, right?”

“Of course Sirius... I just... I didn’t want that responsibility to be your burden to bare.” Remus reached for his hand lacing their fingers together.

Sirius looked up at him before leaning forward and pressing a slow kiss to Remus’s lips, reaching up to grab his cheek before sliding himself on top of Remus’s legs. He wrapped his arms around the back of Remus’s neck and seemed to sigh into him.

Remus reached his hands up Sirius’s back, allowing Sirius to pull him closer and deepen their kiss. Slowly Sirius separated them letting his lips linger against Remus’s for another moment before finally leaning back slightly.

Remus didn’t want to open his eyes but he slowly looked towards the other boy. Sirius was still sitting on Remus’s lap his arms still wrapped around Remus’s shoulders.

“You’re so beautiful...” Remus whispered despite himself.

Sirius smiled and kissed Remus again softly before finally separating the two of them.

“I’ll see you in the morning Moony.” Sirius began slowly climbing out.

“See you in the morning, Lassie.” Remus smiled as Sirius shoved him down before extinguishing the silencing charm and climbing back into his own bed.

Moons after were almost an enjoyable affair, once Remus got past the actual transformation part. His friends had started leading him out of the shrieking shack to allow him to run. He could remember bits and pieces and the feelings of wind whipping through his fur.

He woke up the morning after the full moon in the shack his body covered in sweat but no gashes, a blanket already covering his body. His three friends were lounging around him as he finally came to.

“Morning sunshine,” James said standing up.

“Is everyone okay?” Remus asked.

There were nods all around.

“You lot should clear off, Pomfrey will be around soon.” Remus slowly reached for his clothes, his muscles still aching.

Sirius handed them to him before nodding as they all stood up. “See you soon, Moony.” He whispered sending chills down Remus, a sight which did not go unnoticed by Sirius Black. He smirked as he walked away.

“Tell me about the moon,” Remus asked as they were all crowded on Remus’s bed. He had not been ordered to stay in hospital longer than to sleep, but was required to rest.

They all seemed to look at one another. “We ran a lot.” James offered. “You liked running.”

Remus closed his eyes scrunching his nose. “Clearly I still scented all of you. Merlin it smells like fur in here.”

“Yeah... mostly just Sirius though.” The amusement not going unnoticed in James’s voice.

“Ugh...” Remus covered his face with his sheet. “That is so incredibly embarrassing. I don’t know why the wolf is so... possessive. Did I do anything else?”

“Just ran. You were easy to move in certain directions. We mainly circled the outskirts of the forest. Honestly the most difficult part it seems will be getting you out of the shack. I think you may have felt a little overwhelmed when first seeing the open air.” Sirius said sitting down next to Remus his fingers immediately finding their way to Remus’s hair.

Remus nodded. “Yeah... I almost remember that.” He closed his eyes. “I feel like I can remember more when I’m not caged up.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about being caged up anymore, Moony.” Peter said reassuringly.

Remus smiled and nodded.

“Now... let’s discuss the party next weekend.” James offered with wicked grin.

“Not this again.” Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re mad if you think Lily is going to let you lot get away with this.”

“Lily doesn’t need to know.” Sirius chided.

“I’m a prefect... you’re putting me in a bad position.” Remus tried again.

“Oh come off it!” Sirius nudged Remus gently. “You know you’re going to be getting just as pissed as the rest of us.”

With that they all started laughing, because of course they weren’t wrong.

The night of the massive rager was finally upon them and Remus tried finishing his patrol rounds quickly.

“So... are we going to talk about the party your little gang is throwing tonight or not?” Lily asked.

“Do you really want to talk about it Lil? Shouldn’t we just make sure no one dies and let them have their fun?”

Lily rolled her eyes but seemed to agree to this. They climbed through the portrait hole as loud music was blasting through the halls.

The common room was crowded with more than just Gryffindors. Students from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were also crowded into the common room.

Lily gave Remus an exasperated sigh, but he just laughed.

“Oi Oi! There he is!” Sirius called over clearly already drunk. He swayed over to them. “You look like a goody goody in your uniform.” Sirius let his fingers run down Remus’s robe before sliding his hand around Remus’s waist.

Lily stifled a giggle. “I’m off then to change.”

“You need a drink!” Sirius said.

“I need to get out of my stuffy robes first.” Remus pushed Sirius away only slightly. “And you are being very obvious.” Remus whispered.

“Don’t care.” Sirius whispered back.

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed past Sirius. “Let me change, Black.”

“You sure you don’t want some help?” Sirius leaned in closer wrapping his arms around Remus.

Remus rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile. He reached behind him and unlinked Sirius’s hands from around his waist. “You’re insufferable you know.”

“Yeah, but you love it.” Sirius whispered.

“Yeah...” Remus smiled and stepped away. “Now give me some peace and let me change.”

“Fine.” Sirius faked pouting but stepped aside as Remus climbed up towards their dormitories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to remind you all that this is a slow burn so I wouldn’t expect much smut right away.


	17. Persevere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s hard to just be normal kids with a war going on.

Chapter Seventeen

Fifth Year

Sirius had already had one too many shots and was feeling very much like his head was swimming. He looked around and saw a long blonde haired girl leaned against the mantle. Marlene was chatting with Dorcas both girls giggling incessantly.

“Oi, McKinnon!” Sirius stumbled towards the two girls.

Marlene looked over and turned towards Dorcas, clearly whispering something as she left just as Sirius was making his way to her.

“Alright?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah... alright.” Marlene glanced back over to Dorcas. “You?”

Sirius nodded. “Listen Marls... do you think we could ever be friends again? I know I fucked up, but you are so fun and I don’t want to never talk or hangout again.”

Marlene gave Sirius a small smile. “I think we could work something out, Black.” She looked down swirling her drink. “I know it must have been difficult for you to understand your feelings.” Her cheeks were suddenly red. “I think it was rather brave of you to make the decision you did.”

Sirius cocked his head. “You alright, McKinnon?” Sirius asked wishing now he wasn’t quite as drunk as he was.

“Yeah... course.” She shook her head and gave him a smile. “I’ll see you around then, Black.”

Sirius smiled at her. “Not if I see you first, McKinnon.”

She gave him a light shove and returned to her friends.

“What was that about?” He heard James come up behind him.

“Just apologizing again I s’pose.” Sirius shrugged.

“Good man.” James clapped him on the back. “You seen Evans?” He was searching for the red head everywhere he could.

“Not for a bit. Her and Moony got back from prefect duty and both left to change.”

Remus appeared from the boys stairs and Sirius could feel his stomach pull tight. He looked so good in a tight fitted t-shirt and matching black denim jeans. He donned his favorite sweater to hide the scars on his arms.

“Bloody hell...” Sirius whispered.

James snickered and gave Sirius a shove. “You have it worse than me, mate.”

“Too right...” Sirius whispered back downing his drink before finding his way back to the blonde haired boy.

Sirius summoned a drink and shoved it into Remus’s hand. “Cheers.” Remus said as he downed the first drink. “Gotta catch up, don’t I?” Remus responded to Sirius’s wide eyes.

The party was going off without a hitch, James had even talked Lily into dancing with him, which was hilarious to see because James got so nervous that he tripped himself a few times.

Peter had even started chatting up a Ravenclaw girl. Sirius and Remus were just sneaking off to the boys stairwell, Sirius desperate to wrap himself around the taller boy, when someone burst through the portrait hole.

“There’s been an attack!” He yelled waving a newspaper around.

The music quieted as everyone stared at the Gryffindor sixth year. Before they all began crowding around him. Remus got there first and grabbed the newspaper. His eyes scanned the page quickly before looking at everyone else.

“A number of muggle families in South London have been killed... suspects still at large...” Remus took a deep breath. “Dark mark present...”

The party became somber.

“My family lives in South London,” one of the muggle-born third years whimpered.

Remus handed James the newspaper as he and Lily both walked towards the girl. “Come, Aubrey, lets go to McGonangall. She can check in on your family.”

The two prefects and the young girl all left through the portrait hole. Everyone was whispering quietly amongst themselves as some of the older students began cleaning things up. “James...” Sirius whispered.

James looked up to Sirius. “Does it say anything about...” Sirius couldn’t say it out loud, but he knew his family must have been involved.

“All it says is that the suspects are still at large.” James gave Sirius’s shoulder a squeeze. “Let’s go wait for Remus back in the dorm room.”

The other three marauders waited for as long as they could, but Remus never returned.

Finally at almost five in the morning the door creaked open and Remus slumped in immediately walking into the bathroom shutting the door.

Sirius stirred and woke up creeping out of his bed and knocking softly on the bathroom door. He opened it slowly, Remus was sitting on the ground his head in his hands.

He glanced up and looked over to Sirius.

Sirius cast a silencing spell and walked closer sitting down next to Remus. “Is it bad?”

Remus sniffed, his eyes red with exhaustion. “Her parents are dead...”

Sirius inhaled sharply. “Shit...”

“Her nan is coming to get her, but... she’s not staying at Hogwarts this year.” Remus let his head fall against the wall.

“Did... do they know who did it?” Sirius asked wringing his hands together.

Remus looked at him and leaned his head against Sirius. “They still don’t know, love. Not that they’d tell me... there’s an assembly tomorrow and classes have been cancelled.”

Sirius leaned his head against the top of Remus’s. “I’m scared.” He admitted.

“Me too... it’s easy to forget everything going on out there while at Hogwarts. But it’s getting scary...” Remus sighed closing his eyes.

“Bad time to be a blood traitor...” Sirius mumbled.

Remus nodded. “Or a werewolf.” He added. “What’s going to happen with your family?”

Sirius shrugged. He was trying not to think of what would happen in a few months when they were home for the summer holiday. He was sure his family at the very least knew of the attacks, if they weren’t specifically involved.

The next day the assembly was a solemn affair. The four houses sat in the Great Hall and listened to Dumbledore speak on the attacks and how important it was now to cling to each other and to truth and what is right. The Slytherin house were all squirming uncomfortably in their seats. Sirius’s eyes searched for his younger brother. Regulus Black was sitting with the third years, his head down. He was chewing on his bottom lip before almost sensing Sirius’s eyes on him. He looked up and they met eyes from across the hall. Regulus glared over at Sirius. Sirius felt his stomach drop and he dropped his head, reaching for Remus’s hand. Remus laced their hands together tightly letting out a shaky breath.

“That was depressing,” Peter said flopping on his back on the bed.

“Of course it was bloody depressing. A girl’s family just died.” Sirius shoved Peter’s knee.

“I know that!” Peter yelled standing up.

“Oh leave him alone, Sirius!” James spat out.

Sirius groaned and flopped onto his own bed.

“We’re all just stressed,” Remus said leaning against James’s bed frame.

“Sorry...” Sirius huffed out towards Peter who gave him a quiet nod. “I think my family had something to do with it. I caught Reg’s eyes during the assembly.”

They all sat up and stared at him. “How can you know?” James asked.

“I... don’t know for sure. It’s just a feeling.” Sirius added. He looked over towards Remus who was now pacing the space around their dorm.

“We need to keep our heads on straight. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Remus said.

“I’m so fucking sick of this war!” James yelled throwing a book across the dorm room. “I hate being stuck here while the war is going on just under our noses.”

“There’s nothing to be done yet.” Remus said. “We’re still just kids.”

“We’re not kids.” Sirius retorted.

“Yes we are.” Remus said. “You’re sixteen... what good do you think you can be at sixteen?”

“We can still do something!” Sirius yelled.

“Of course we can. We need to continue school so we’re ready for the war when we leave this place.” Remus squared up to Sirius. They glared at each other for a moment before Remus finally softened. “I know that it feels hopeless right now, but we just need to keep pressing forward. Once we’re done with school we’ll join in the fight. I promise.”

Sirius glared at Remus for another minute before letting out a long sigh. “Yeah... we’ll just have to keep on persevering here I guess.”

“Moony is right, we’ll have our time.” Peter said.

Sirius sighed and flopped back down on his bed. He didn’t want to fight with Remus, but he didn’t agree either. He wanted to start fighting now, his family definitely was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any readers are from the UK I would love some constructive criticism on the dialogue. I am not from the UK and am really only writing based off of reading and watching things based in the UK. SO let me know if you see things that need changing. :)


	18. Mudblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This contains bits of Snape’s Worst Memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Contains wizard slur.

Chapter Eighteen

Things had been tense at Hogwarts since then, the Slytherins were short tempered and shifty as ever, muggle-born students had taken to keeping to well trafficked parts of the castle only. The other houses all seemed to exhibit the same restlessness that the Marauders felt. It had truly been so easy to pretend there wasn’t a war going on right outside the castle gates, but the muggle attack had been a rude reminder of the bubble they all lived in.

The weather had started to clear up and all of the students had taken to spending as much time outside as they possibly could. Remus, James and Peter were all sitting comfortably in a sunny patch of grass. James tossing around that damned snitch he had been playing with for the better parts of two years.

“What do you think it will be like... once we’re out of Hogwarts?” James asked looking up at the clouds.

Peter sighed and rolled his scroll up. “All I can say is that I hope the war ends soon so we can actually have a chance to get jobs and be normal.”

James nodded in agreement. “Dad wants me to apply at the ministry to work with him, not sure if that’s in the cards for me though. May want to join a quidditch team first.”

“Well... I’m sure you’ll have your pick.” Remus said gently, trying desperately to push down the bitterness that kept surprising him in the way of life after Hogwarts. He knew his life after Hogwarts specifically would be bleak at best. Werewolves were not well thought of in the wizarding world after all.

“Fucking hell...” Sirius plopped down next to them. “Why did you lot not talk me out of fucking divination?”

“We tried, mate. Can’t go blaming us.” James added letting the snitch fly just above his hand before it settled back into the palm of its owner.

“Well you should have tried harder.” Sirius groaned.

“You were dead set on taking it because Marlene was taking it. How were we supposed to know you’d end up shagging Remus instead?” Peter said shocking all of them.

They all stared at him in disbelief. He just shrugged his shoulders and laughed.

“We’re not... by the way.” Remus added. “Just to clear up your dirty minds.”

They all laughed and it had felt more care-free in those moments than it had all week. So carefree that James perked up when he saw his favorite target sauntering across the lawn with a few of his Slytherin friends.

“Careful there, Snivellus!” James yelled after him. “Got so much grease on that head you could fry an egg in this heat!”

Remus was actually shocked, they had been more or less leaving Snape alone since the incident, but apparently today was the day the war started up again.

“At least I’m not a blood-traitor that associates with half-breeds.” Snape called out, his fellow Slytherins laughing along.

Sirius’s head shot to Remus, Remus just bit his lip and looked down at his notes.

“Levicorpus!” James called out suddenly standing to his feet, his wand pointed directly at Severus.

Snape was suddenly flung upwards into the air, his greasy hair falling unnaturally down around his face. The two Slytherins were reaching for their wands but Sirius was faster.

“Expelliarmus!” He called and their wands flung to him as he caught them in his hands.

Remus and Peter stood and Remus couldn’t help but bite his lip to hold in a laugh. It was rather funny. The two Slytherin boys were now trying to jump to grab at Snape, but every time they did James just lifted him higher and higher.

“Why not take a whiff of your own disgusting hair there, Snape!” One Ravenclaw boy yelled, causing the entire grounds to begin erupting with laughter.

“Stop!” They heard a girl screaming as she raced forward. “Stop!” She yelled grabbing at James’s arm.

“Oh come off it, Evans! He deserves it!” Sirius tried yelling.

“Stop it now or I will!” Lily shouted at James. He slowly lowered his wand, Snape falling to the ground.

Everyone was still laughing as Lily hurried towards Snape. “Sev!” She called. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t need a little mud-blood defending me!” Snape spat out.

It seemed within an instant everyone was silent. Lily stood for a long moment staring down at Severus before she turned away quickly.

“Lily!” Marlene, Dorcas and Mary MacDonald were all running after her.

Snape scrambled to his feet and ran the other direction. The marauders were silent as they made their way back to the common room.

“Can’t believe he said that.” Peter said quietly.

“I can.” Remus said. “He calls everyone else that when Lily isn’t around.”

“Yeah... but Lily is like... the love of his life or whatever.” Sirius added.

“Sometimes you say things when you’re hurt or embarrassed.” Remus added quietly.

As they came up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower there was a scene playing out at the entrance. Snape was standing there, yelling at Marlene to be allowed in to speak with Lily.

“She doesn’t want to speak with you!” Marlene was squared up to Snape.

Snape turned around his eyes red and stared at the four marauders. “This is all your fault, Potter! You tricked me!”

“We never tricked you into saying anything, Snape. You mucked up your only friendship all on your own.” Sirius spat out stepping in front of James protectively.

Snape contorted his face like he was trying to find something to say but instead he just huffed off.

James sighed, he hadn’t said anything after the whole mess had happened. He walked in quietly to see Lily surrounded by her friends on the couch. He walked up slowly.

“Lily...” he said quietly.

She glared up at him her eyes red and her face splotchy with tears.

“I’m really sorry. I feel awful that I pushed him into saying that to you. It’s not right...”

Lily sighed and stood up. “You should feel sorry that you hexed him... but you shouldn’t feel sorry for what he said. That wasn’t your fault.” she bit at her lip and stared down at the ground.

“Either way...” James was fiddling with his fingers. “I hope you know that you’re not... what he called you. Blood purity is a load of bollocks anyways.”

“Thank you, James.” Lily turned and walked towards the girls stairs, Marlene and Dorcas and Mary all following after her.

They climbed the stairs up to their own dorm slowly. “Can’t wait for this year to be over.” Sirius said quietly.

Remus couldn’t agree more. This year had been exhausting and filled with intense ups and downs. He wanted desperately for some peace.


	19. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains torture.

Chapter Nineteen

The End of Fifth Year

The end of year had come and gone. OWLS were even less painful than Sirius’s had expected, all thanks to his personal prefect who forced him to study non-stop.

“Spending the summer with James?” Remus asked as they packed quietly.

“Yeah... but... mum is making me come home for two weeks. Says I have to learn my place and all that.” Sirius tried for nonchalant, but could tell it missed the mark because Remus was now staring at him in earnest.

“No worries Moony. It’s only for two weeks.” Sirius squeezed Remus’s arm. “You coming as well?”

Remus nodded. “Not until after the moon though.”

“Where do you go when you’re home?” Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head, the invisible walls sliding up around him.

“Rem...” Sirius whispered. “You don’t have to be so strong all the time you know?”

Remus sighed and nodded. “I s’pose you’ve seen the worst of it. Alright. They put me in the cellar. It’s just the most logical spot. It’s dark and below ground so it’s harder to hear me. You know...”

“That’s horrible.” Sirius said.

“They’re doing their best, Sirius.” Remus turned away as he continued trying to hide those particular emotions.

Sirius sighed and wrapped his arms around Remus’s back. “Sorry... I know it’s delicate.”

“S’okay...” Remus whispered letting their fingers lace together. They both stood like that for a long while. “This years been shit...”

“It has.” Sirius whispered against Remus. “But... there have been a couple of good things still, right.”

Remus turned so he was facing Sirius. He reached out and stroked his hands through Sirius’s hair. “Yeah... there have been some good things.”

Sirius was leaned against Remus as the train whipped past the trees.

“Oi... Moony...” James said. “Be a dear and open the window please.”

Remus got up slowly and Sirius allowed himself to fall into Remus’s seat with a groan.

“Well if the windows open.” Sirius jumped up and began rummaging through his bag, pulling out a small white cylindrical stick. “Anyone for a fag?” He wagged his eyebrows up and down.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me? Where the bloomin’ hell did you get that?” James rolled his eyes.

“One of the sixth years.” Sirius put the cigarette between his lips and struck a match against the box. Inhaling slowly the delicious tobacco fumes.

Remus rolled his eyes but closed his book and outstretched his hand. “Alright, give it here.”

“Moony!” Sirius smiled and handed the cigarette off. Remus took a long drag off of it and exhaled slowly and Sirius had to catch his breath at how gorgeous he was.

Remus seemed to notice this because he smirked slightly and raised his eyebrows. “Not my first time.”

“You smoke?” Peter asked looking shocked. “But you’re the straight and narrow one.”

“Only once or twice. I’ve got to have something to mellow out my furry little problem don’t I?” Remus took another long drag before handing it back to Sirius. An image Sirius would hold in the back of his mind as he had to spend two entire weeks with his family.

Not long after the cigarette was extinguished and the compartment smelled less of tobacco the train started slowing down.

Sirius tried to not let his mood dip, but of course his friends picked up on it immediately.

“It’s just for two weeks Sirius. And you can contact us if you need to, right?” James said.

Sirius nodded as they slowly came to a halt at the Hogwarts express. He looked out as the smoke plumed to see a tall mean woman standing on the platform.

“S’pose I should be off then.” Sirius slowly got to his feet.

“James grabbed his arms and wrapped him in a hug. “Please contact me.”

“I will mate.” Sirius wrapped his arms around his best friend too.

He turned to Remus standing behind him. Sirius hugged him tightly letting his head be buried in Remus’s chest.

“You’re going to be okay,” Remus reassured, although Sirius didn’t know who exactly he was reassuring.

Their goodbyes were wrapped up as they all began stepping off the train. The Potters were grinning and smiling widely at James as he jumped off the last step. Sirius gave the two people who felt far more like his parents a longing look and they smiled at him too. Mrs. Potter gave a soft nod.

He glanced over very carefully towards Remus who was now being greeted by his own father.

“Wouldn’t stare too long at your little boyfriend.” He heard someone snide behind him. “Wouldn’t want mummy dearest to see.”

“Piss off, Reg.” Sirius said back as they both walked towards the woman dressed in all black.

“Come along,” she said holding her hand out for Regulus first before a loud crack.

Sirius took another breath before looking back to Remus, who was still watching him. He gave him a soft nod before reaching out for his own fathers arm and being pulled along by an apparation.

Another crack and his mother had returned, holding her arm out for him. They were in the house now.

“Kreacher!” Walburga yelled. “The trunks.” She walked away, leaving Sirius on his own in the hallway.

“Blood-traitor...” Kreacher swore at Sirius as he appeared.

“Oh come off it already.” Sirius grumbled as he climbed the stairs into his room. He dropped his bag to see his Gryffindor posters were once again ripped down.

“Are you actually dating that thing...” Regulus was now outside his door.

“What’s it to you?” Sirius snapped.

Regulus huffed and rolled his eyes. “Mum will kill you if she finds out. Not only is he not pure-blood... he’s a he... and a fucking w—“

“Get out Regulus! Merlin when did you become such a prick!” Sirius slammed the door in his face and flopped onto his bed.

The first week was actually bearable, Sirius kept to his room mostly apart from meals.

But he knew his luck had run out when he was finally called down stairs at half past eight in the evening.

His mother and father were both sitting down in the parlor. “You have been given many leniencies, Sirius Black.” His father started. “That ends now. It’s time to truly become a part of the Black family. We are the Great and Noble House of Black. We must maintain our blood purity. It is time to pick a side.” Orion Black pulled his sleeve up to reveal the dark mark tattooed on his porcelain skin.

Sirius could feel his blood boiling up to his skull. “I’ve already chosen a side. And you can bet it doesn’t involve Him or any of his followers.

“Petrificus Totalas.”Walburga said quietly.

Sirius went rigid and fell to the ground, his mother getting up and standing over him. His body turned over to his back as his mother leaned closer to his ear.

“It is important, Sirius, that you consider where your loyalties lie. With your friends at school. Or with your family.”

Sirius’s shirt tore open and he screamed as the blade of a knife sliced down his spine, drawing in blood what he was.

“If your loyalties do not lie with your family, then you are our enemy.” She whispered again as she cut his back. They both left the room then, leaving Sirius shaking on the floor.

He didn’t know how long he laid there before he finally could get up, but it was dark when he did. He climbed up slowly, whimpering at the lasting pains of his back. He walked himself up the stairs slowly before finally making it to his doorway, the strain causing him to gasp for air. He opened the door and began gathering his belongings.

“What are you doing?” Regulus was once again leaned against his door.

“Leaving.” Sirius said not looking up. “I’m not coming back.”

Regulus was silent for a long moment watching him. “I wish you wouldn’t go...” he said quietly.

Sirius stopped and stared at him. “They’re death eaters Reg... you get that, right?”

Regulus looked down. “Please don’t leave?”

“Come with me?” Sirius met his brother’s eyes.

Regulus looked down again.

“No? Then get out of my way.” Sirius lugged his trunk and bag to the stairs. “Good luck, Reg. I hope you make the right choice some day.”

He stood outside in the night air and reached for his wand, holding it outward. The Knight Bus appeared quickly.

“Where to?” The wizard said.

He rambled off James’s address and climbed in.

When he got off again he walked slowly to the door only for it to be opened before he reached it.

“Sirius,” James ran out and grabbed him, pulling him inside. Mrs. Potter was already standing there waiting for them. “What happened?”

“They have the mark... my parents. Wanted me to pick a side. Told them I already had. They...” Sirius bit his lip desperate to hold back the pain of his emotions.

James inhaled sharply through his teeth as Mrs. Potter grabbed Sirius into her arms.

“You are never going back to that house again.” She whispered to him.

Sirius bit his lip and allowed himself to cry as he was embraced by his best friends mother and father. He allowed them to tend to his wounds and make him up a bed and he allowed them to hold him more as he cried harder.

Mrs. Potter healed his wounds, but the words would last forever on his porcelain skin: Blood Traitor


	20. This Spot Taken?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly some fluff. And a touch of drama!

Chapter Twenty

Sixth Year

Remus was already seated in the compartment, a book in his hand. Just outside the compartment there was a bustling of students clambering around.

“Oi...” The compartment door opened. “This one free?” Sirius’s beaming face was smiling at him from the entrance.

James and Sirius shoved in at the same time followed by Peter.

Sirius made to sit down next to Remus.

“Oh, sorry. That seat is saved for my tosser of a boyfriend.” Remus gave Sirius a small smile that got the exact reaction he was hoping for. Sirius bit down on his bottom lip before grabbing Remus’s face and pressing a kiss to his lips. Remus inhaled the scent of Sirius, he always smelled so good, like woodsmoke and lavender. It made Remus’s stomach turn heat pulling in his abdomen.

“Oh bloody hell...” Peter complained. “Is this how its meant to be all the time now?”

“Oh come off it then Peter, haven’t seen each other in a while have they?” James pulled his golden snitch out of his bag and let it float above him.

“Yeah, come off it Wormtail.”Sirius said grinning over at Peter.

He shot his middle finger at Sirius before grumbling to himself and leaning back.

Remus and Sirius shared a look and with a little silent argument between the two of them Sirius finally conceded and settled in the seat next to him, but did proceed to throw his legs over top of Remus.

The door to the compartment opened then and Lily Evans was standing there, already in her robes with her prefect badge perfectly in place.

“Remus!” She scolded. “You’re not in your robes yet? We have to round on the compartments.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Ugh... can we just not?”

“Oi Evans!” James said sitting up straight. “Have a nice summer then?” James was scanning her up and down.

Lily just rolled her eyes. “Potter, do you have no shame?”

“Not much,” he smiled brightly at her.

She huffed.

“Sorry Lil, just coming.” Remus threw Sirius’s legs off him which landed on the ground with a thump.

“Alright then.” She turned and left the compartment as quick as she came.

Remus stood up and grabbed his robes from the top of his compartment. “S’pose I‘ll be seeing you all a bit later then?” He was pulling his shirt over his head, not unaware of how his boyfriend was watching him.

“Yeah Moony, be seeing you.” James said not looking away from the little golden orb floating above him.

It took far longer to patrol the entire train than Remus had expected and when he finally returned to the compartment the other three marauders were already in their robes and gathering up their things.

“Merlin, took you long enough!” James said shoving Remus’s bag into his arms.

“Prefect duties.” Remus shrugged.

They all loaded off the train and began to load into a carriage shared with Marlene and Dorcas.

“Alright lads?” Marlene said giving a brilliant smile.

“Alright McKinnon.” Sirius said smiling back at her. Dorcas rolled her eyes and Remus noticed Marlene giving her a small nudge.

“Dorcas, have a nice summer?” Remus asked sitting down.

“Lovely Remus, you?” Dorcas gave Remus a smile.

“Good yeah.” Remus opened his book and began reading.

“Honestly, Remus... how can you read? It’s so dark.” Marlene was leaned against Dorcas now.

“Good eyesight,” was all Remus offered her.

The sorting hat was a long affair, but Remus couldn’t deny that he loved watching it. He could remember his sorting so clearly. He had been so nervous and desperate to prove himself. His father was in Ravenclaw, so he had been hopeful to get in as well, but the hat seemed to know better.

He got placed with the three boys that would become his best friends. He could still remember the young boy with shoulder length black hair and big blue eyes crying as silently as he could in his bed that first night after being placed in Gryffindor. Remus hadn’t fully understood why when he was so young and naive, but now he understood greatly the ramifications of not becoming a Slytherin when you were the heir of the most noble house of Black.

Remus let his chin rest in his hands as another young girl was placed in Hufflepuff.

“We shouldn’t all have to be subjected to this... its so boring.” Peter laid his head on the table.

“You’re not wrong there, Wormy.” Sirius pressed his fist onto Remus’s thigh.

“Easy there.” Remus whispered to him, which only encouraged Sirius who flattened his hand against Remus’s thigh now.

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

Dinner was delightful, and Remus was just tucking into his third serving of pudding when Lily Evans tapped him on the shoulder expectantly.

Remus sighed before standing up. “See you all in the common room then.”

Peter tried to give him a sympathetic look the other two only snickered at him.

“Alright then, Gryffindor first years follow me!” Remus yelled in his prefect voice.

He and Lily led the wide-eyed first years through the castle until finally reaching Gryffindor Tower.

“This is Gryffindor Tower,” Lily said smiling down at the small first years who were still shocked into silence. It was obvious to see which of the young students were muggle-born, they always had an extra air of wonder and awe about them.

Remus and Lily turned towards the large portrait of the fat lady.

“Password.” She required of them.

“Whizzingerbee.” Remus said cooley.

The first years all gasped as the portrait swing open from them. They filed in through the portrait hole all gasps as the common room opened before them. The common room was buzzing with students as the first years followed them into the main sitting area.

“This is the Gryffindor com—“

Sirius wolf-whistled loudly from his favorite spot next to the fire.

Remus closed his eyes. “As I was saying,” Remus continued. “This is the common room, you’re free to spend as much time as you want down here. You’re dormitories are up to the left and right.”

“Girls can follow me,” Lily said smiling and turned to walk over towards the girls dormitory.

“Right... er... boys you can follow me.” Remus led the boys up to their dorm room as they all seemed to pair themselves off. He finally made his back down to the fireplace and plopped himself down next to his friends.

“Really?” he looked over at Sirius who was lounging with his hands behind his back.

“What? Can I help it if you’re so bloody hot when being all official?” Sirius snickered shoving Remus lightly.

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Umm... Remus?” One of the young first years was now standing behind him.

He turned around. “How can I help you?”

“My brother is in Slytherin, can I go to see him?” The boy was wringing his hands.

“Tonight you’re all meant to get settled. You can see him tomorrow at breakfast in the Great Hall.” Remus gave the small boy his best prefect smile as he turned and walked away.

Sirius was staring down at the fire now. “You okay?” James asked.

Sirius nodded and said nothing more.

Sirius told him that he was now a permanent resident of the Potter house when he and Peter visited, and showed Remus his scars when they were alone. Remus was furious, but Sirius didn’t want to talk about it beyond showing him the scars. Remus respected that, he understood the desperate need to not speak about something until you were ready, if at all.

Later that night Remus was lying down in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He heard the shuffling and then a stark white head popped through his his curtains.

“This spot taken?” Sirius smiled at him.

“Nope.” Remus moved so Sirius could come and lay next to him. He laid his arm out and Sirius immediately cozied close to him.

“Muffliato,” Sirius said quietly as a sound barrier formed around them.

“You alright then?” Remus asked.

“Course,” Sirius breathed into Remus.

Remus nodded and turned to wrap his arms tighter around Sirius. “You know I’m here, right?”

Sirius kissed Remus’s neck letting his breath linger. Sirius was diverting, but Remus wouldn’t press him. He took a long deep breath and held Sirius closer.

“Missed you...” Sirius murmured into Remus’s skin, pressing another kiss against the crook of his neck.

“Missed you...” Remus whispered back. This, Remus had come to learn was how Sirius showed that he in fact did know that Remus was there, and in turn, how Remus showed it back. Remus’s skin burned where Sirius pressed his lips against him, he couldn’t be sure if it was the full moon coming up, or if it was just Sirius. But he could feel that familiar pull in his gut that was desperate for it.

He swallowed hard as Sirius straddled himself on top of Remus smiling before pressing long sloppy kisses up Remus’s jaw before finally reaching his mouth.

Remus could feel the hunger growing in the pit of his stomach as he reached up and grabbed at Sirius’s arms.

“We should umm... take a break... I think.” Remus huffed out trying to even his breathing.

Remus could see what looked like hurt flash in Sirius’s eyes quickly before that radiant smile plastered his face again. “No problem Moony, we can just sleep then.”

He let himself fall into the bed again next to Remus and wrapped his arm around him. Remus pulled him close to try to show Sirius that he still wanted him there, hoping desperately it would do the job.

Remus couldn’t quite describe why he got so scared every time Sirius wanted to be closer, he just did. He wanted to be close like that, desperately, but maybe that was part of the problem. The desperation didn’t just feel like Remus in those moment. It felt hungry and terrifying too, like the wolf.


	21. Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has urges...

Chapter Twenty-One

Sixth Year

The three other marauders were now sneaking towards the shrieking shack that held a pre-transformation Remus. They made it in and all smiled at Remus who was sitting on the bed that had been laid out for him.

“Took you long enough...” Remus spat out, immediately flinching at his harsh words. “Sorry... sorry... its going to be a bad one tonight. I can tell. Maybe it’s best for you lot to not be with me this time?”

“No chance, Moony.” James said that chivalrous grin plastered on his face.

Remus let a long breath out follow by a shiver that ran through his neck. He groaned and rubbed his hands over his arms. “Probably should change then. I think it may come on fast.”

Sirius bit his lip as he watched sweat begin to from on Remus as he pulled his shirt and pants off and took his place on the floor.

“Right, lets do it.” Sirius quickly turned into a dog before padding up to Remus to sit next to him.

Remus smiled at him and pet his fur softly before he closed his eyes and immediately crumbled onto all fours. Sirius slowly backed up, he hated this part so desperately, watching Remus change had not gotten any easier, and Remus had been right when he said it was going to be a bad night. He was writhing on the ground screaming and clawing at his skin before he was even fully transformed. When the wolf had finally come he immediately locked eyes with Padfoot and lunged towards him rolling him onto the ground.

Padfoot growled back but allowed himself to be scented by the wolf, he knew it was what Moony needed from him. The wolf was particularly keen and obsessive that night, nipping at Prongs if he ever got to close to Sirius even as they ran he was desperate to keep the large stag at bay. They led him back to the shrieking shack as the moon was setting and watching him shrink and transform back into Remus was just as painful to watch.

Remus laid on the ground afterwards clutching his arms around his ribs crying out in pain as his body finally transformed back fully. They all turned back quickly and raced over to him. James was holding his ribs, trying not to look in pain.

Remus looked over at him and his eyes got wide. “Don’t worry... I was a stag when it happened, I’ll be fine. It was my fault anyways.”

“Prongs... I’m so sorry.” Remus grabbed his clothes and scrambled to cover himself.

“No harm no foul, Moony. Seriously.” James put a hand to his shoulder as he stood up straight, despite the pain.

They all three walked back quietly and Sirius hoped James wouldn’t bring it up, but he knew better. Peter immediately passed out and James turned on him. “That didn’t feel... is everything okay with you two?”

Sirius wasn’t sure what to say, he had thought everything was fine. “I think it was just a bad night, Prongs. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, already stopped bleeding.” James tore his clothes off and flopped onto his bed. “Maybe you should mention it to him.”

“Not yet.” Sirius fell onto his bed as well. “Maybe if it keeps happening. I don’t want him to feel guilty. He already does so much.”

“Yeah alright.” James was lulling to sleep quickly then, Sirius on the other hand couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. It was unlike Moony. Sure he had always been more interested in Padfoot than the others, but he had never tried keeping Prongs away like that. He closed his eyes and tried to find a rhythm into restless sleep.

He was seated by Remus’s hospital bed flipping through a quidditch magazine he had nicked from James last week when Remus finally stirred.

Sirius looked up and folded the magazine watching Remus blink a few times. He turned over and looked at Sirius then, a soft smile on his lips.

“Hey there,” Sirius said leaning forward.

“Mmm... missed you.” Remus whispered his voice hoarse, probably from the howling.

“Missed you.” Sirius whispered back letting his fingers run across Remus’s shoulder.

Remus seemed to remember suddenly about Prongs and his eyes got big and he looked at Sirius.

Sirius shook his head. “He’s fine,” he whispered even quieter.

Remus let out a slow breath and relaxed once again.

Madame Pomfrey shuffled in and smiled at Sirius, clearly pretending to not notice how close the two boys were to each other.

“How are you feeling dear?”

“Alright, just sore.” Remus said.

“Well, you’re free to go then.” She gave Sirius a light smile before walking away.

Remus changed into his clothes and they walked back in silence. “So... are you going to be honest with me?” Remus asked quietly.

Sirius turned and looked at him. “What do you mean?”

Remus gave him that exasperated look. “I know that something was weird with last night. I can feel it, I can remember feeling this weird desperation and then James got hurt.”

Sirius bit his lip before letting out a sigh, the talk would have to come now then he supposed. “It’s just... are we okay?”

Remus stared at him for a long moment. “Of course we are. Why... did something happen last night.”

Sirius tried to pick his words carefully. “It’s nothing, you were just pretty intense last night. I mean, you’re usually more than a little interested in Padfoot, but last night you were a bit... protective of me. You got a bit angry if the others got too close and it was just different.”

Remus’s face was unreadable.

“It’s alright though, Rem. Everyone’s fine honest.” Sirius glanced both ways before reaching for Remus’s hand.

Remus took a breath and nodded. “Alright then.”

Sirius was in his bed when Remus pulled the curtains and smiled at him. Sirius was so shocked he barely responded, Remus was never the one to initiate any sort of bed-sharing. But none the less Sirius smiled and sat up as Remus climbed in and shut the curtains tight before casting a silencing spell.

“Can we talk?” Remus sat down.

“Yeah, of course.” Sirius waited for Remus to get comfortable before he began.

“I’ve been having... some...” Remus looked down to his hands. “It’s difficult to say.”

Sirius waited, getting nervous for whatever Remus was going to say.

“It’s about the moon I guess.” Remus was fiddling with the end of Sirius’s duvet cover. “I was feeling before some discomfort with erm... closeness...”

“Closeness?” Sirius asked.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Merlin, Black... do I really need to spell it out for you?” Remus was blushing, Sirius didn’t even need to see him to know he was blushing.

“Oh!” Sirius felt his stomach flutter. “You mean when we’re close...”

“Y-yes... especially before full moons I just feel a little overwhelmed and like I can’t control things. I don’t know if it affected the moon, but it sounds like the wolf was anxious too, so...”

“So... how can we fix that?” Sirius asked, hopeful for the answer.

“I’m not sure, we may just need to be careful.” Remus said.

Sirius deflated only slightly. “You know... we don’t have to be careful. Maybe being reckless will help.” Sirius leaned forward pressing his lips to Remus’s.

Remus chuckled and pushed Sirius away gently. “You are incorrigible. Come on... I’m serious.”

Sirius raised his eye brows, which only gave him another over exaggerated eye-roll from the boy across from him.

“Don’t even go there,” Remus gave him a light shove again.

“Just for a while, can we...”

“Take a step back?” Sirius offered.

“Maybe just until the next moon?” Remus looked at him like he was asking too much.

“Of course we can, Moony.” Sirius smiled and hoped it looked genuine.

Remus let out a sigh of relief, which only helped in making Sirius feel guilty.

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?” Sirius offered. “Or is that too...”

The corners of Remus’s mouth twitched. “I can sleep here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A soft reminder that this is a very slow burn fiction piece.


	22. The Wolf

Chapter Twenty-two

Sixth Year

Things had been going well with Remus and Sirius, at least Remus hoped. He was nearing the full moon again and the desperation had yet to return, Remus hadn’t decided if that was a good thing or not.Sirius didn’t seem on edge or upset about the sudden lack of physical touch, but he had always been difficult to read when he felt like it.

They were sitting in the common room together well past midnight, Remus pouring over his arithmancy homework, Sirius trying to write his History of Magic essay. Remus was rubbing his pinky to his lips, trying to refrain from biting his nails down further than they already were bitten. He heard Sirius sigh across the table from him and looked up.

“That’s not fair,” Sirius was staring at him, the lightest of pink gracing his perfect porcelain cheeks. “You know what that does to me.”

Remus dropped his hand down and shut his book looking over to Sirius. He listened in every direction, they were very much alone. “C’mere...” he said.

Sirius happily obliged and snuggled in next to him. His smell was as intoxicating as ever, but it wasn’t overwhelming him yet. Sirius let out a long sigh, his fingers sliding into Remus’s with ease. “What’s going to happen if this doesn’t work?” Sirius whispered into the fire.

“I don’t know.” Remus had thought about that a lot. He didn’t want to be possessive of Padfoot when he was in wolf form. He didn’t want to try to attack Prongs just for coming close to them, but he worried about what would happen if he was still all of those things come next week.

“You... wouldn’t... you’re not considering...” Sirius was staring down at their hands still laced together.

“I’m not going to break up with you if that’s what’s worrying you.” Remus said letting his body relax against Sirius. “If anything I may just have you guys sit out a few moons.”

“Not bloody likely.” Sirius turned to face him.

“Sirius,” Remus said.

“Moony... no. I’m not standing by only for you to hurt yourself again. It wasn’t that big of a deal last time anyways, and we can roll with the punches either way.”

“It’s not just about that,” Remus shook his head.

“Then what?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t...” Remus bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t know how he could explain to Sirius.

“What?” Sirius pushed.

“I don’t want to be this possessive monster forcing you into submission. It doesn’t make me feel good that I do that to you.” Remus said.

Sirius huffed and looked at Remus. “Remus...”

“No you don’t get it. You all say its fine that I want to scent you or whatever bollocks and assert my dominance, I don’t want to try and hurt someone for coming near you. And don’t tell me I didn’t because I know I did.”

“Remus...” Sirius grabbed his shoulders and moved in front of Remusstaring directly into him with those incredible blue eyes. “Listen to me.”

Remus took a deep breath calming his nerves. “It is worth it. Every piece of it is worth it, because do you know what else we get to experience? We get to run with you for ages, we get to be there when you wake up knowing that we made it easier on you. The rest doesn’t matter. We love you. You’re Moony.”

Remus wanted to argue with Sirius, he wanted to tell him he was wrong, but how could he? He couldn’t rightly say they were wrong if this was how they truly felt.

“Lets just... see how it goes.” Remus finally conceded as best he could.

Sirius sighed. “Fine, we’ll see how it goes.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, just the crackling of wood on the fire to make a sound.

“I don’t hate it... by the way?”

Remus looked up at Sirius to find him blushing in front of him. It took him a moment before realizing what Sirius meant, he tried to hold in the shock that was manifesting itself in uncomfortable laughter.

“Oh come off it... it’s not like I’m saying it gets me going or anything like that you pervo.”

“I’m the pervo?” Remus said.

“I’m just saying... it’s kind of nice in a sort of weird way. It feels like you know me. You know what we are to each other, and that’s the only way you can communicate that to me.”

Sirius was very red now, which was a start contrast to his usual demeanor, but it was incredibly endearing to Remus all the same. He let out a chuckle.

“Come here you big sap,” Remus said pulling him closer.

The moon was upon them once again and they all sat patiently waiting for Remus to change.

“I’m sorry... in advance...” Remus said feeling his blood begin to boil. he would be embarrassed about bringing this up out loud if he wasn’t already in pain.

“Don’t worry about it, mate. We don’t care. You could shag Padfoot and we’d all just look the other way.” James laughed clearly trying to diffuse the tension.

They all laughed, even Remus, but it turned into a groan at the end. “Oh god... do not let me do that.” He groaned again.

“Oh don’t worry... I won’t.” Sirius said, clearly beetroot red.

Remus whimpered and held his legs closer to him. “Better change now...” he was interrupted by a low guttural groan. “It’s coming.”

The last thing Remus saw before his eyes were forced to roll back in his head were his three friends in their animal forms.

The Wolf: Searching... Searching... Where is he? The wolf sniffed the air until finally locking eyes with the three animals before him. The stag stood tall, the wolf didn’t like that. He caught the scent of the dog and turned to it. Mine. He lunged at the dog scenting him heavily, desperate for his scent to be the only one there. The small tiny one had snuck out, he was the one who gave him freedom.

Run. Run. Fucking Stag. Always comes to close. Mine. The wolf shoved the stag away stopping to growl and scent the dog again. Mine. Run. Smell. Run Fast. Keep the stag away. Mine.

Stag knows he’s done wrong, lowers himself down. The Wolf scents him to show his place. He rubs against the dog again, the dog does it back. Mine.

Run. Run. Run. Chase. Smell. The dog smells good. Like him. Mine. The wolf rubs his head against the dog again, the smell can’t fade. He nips at the dogs neck lightly, running his scent down the dogs neck and snout. Mine.

Run. Run. Time is running out. Pain. Delicious pain. The wolf began to crawl slowly back into the wooden house. Pain. His eyes found the dog’s again. Mine. He crawled back over and wrapped himself around the dog. Mine. The dog rested his head against the wolf who could no longer move. The wolf didn’t want to lose control. He didn’t want to go. He licked at the dog nipping him gently again before he was paralyzed by the pain.

Remus choked and coughed, whimpering as his bones snapped back into place, tears stinging his eyes. He reached a hand out to feel soft fur against his fingers. He blinked his eyes open slowly, his two friends were standing in front of him smiling, Padfoot was snuggled into him.

“Pads?” He let his fingers fist at the soft fur.

The dog let out a huff before finally transforming into Sirius. He stood up quickly and threw a blanket over top of Remus’s naked body. He smiled down at Remus.

“Alright then?” James asked coming closer.

Remus stretched his aching body, taking a mental note of no broken bones.

“We should go,” Peter said. “The transformation back took a while, Poppy’s probably on her way.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Sirius whispered. The other two started down the tunnel. Sirius dropped down and pressed a kiss to Remus’s chapped lips.

“Was everything okay?” Remus whispered.

Sirius nodded kissing him again.

“Better go then,” Remus whispered not unaware of how strongly Sirius smelled of the wolf. “See you later.”

Madame Pomfrey helped him to the hospital wing, still marveling at how he had stopped trying to rip his skin off. If she knew anything about the animagus, she never let on.

He slept most of the morning and was only woken by the loud whispering and occasional laugh next to him. He slid his eyes open, his body still mildly sore but all in all alright.

“There he is.” James smiled flopping down on the edge of the bed. “Alright, mate.”

“Yeah good.” Remus closed his eyes again.

“Make way gentleman.” The three boys parted for Madame Pomfrey quickly. “Remus dear, how are you feeling after your rest?”

“Good as new,” Remus said.

“Well then, you’re free to go love.” She patted his shoulder and handed him his clothes.

“So...” Remus started once they were back in their dorm room. “It was alright then?”

“It was bloody brilliant!” Peter cried out his eyes filled with excitement. “We found a waterfall and you leapt across the entire thing into the water. I didn’t know werewolves could swim.”

Remus chuckled. “Me neither.” he hesitated, already feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. “And... the other thing?”

“Also fine,” James said giving Remus that brilliant marauders smile. “I think we sorted out how to make you happy in that realm as well.”

Remus let a sigh out and closed his eyes. He couldn’t be sure if his friends were being truthful with him or not, he knew that Sirius had clearly been scented far more than once by the wolf, and he was sure he could smell it on Prongs as well.

“We’ll let you rest then,” James said looking over to Sirius who was leaned against the top of Remus’s bed. James and Peter left quickly.

“Was it okay, really?” Remus asked.

“It was good. I actually think having me near you makes you more calm as the wolf. It seemed as though the transformation back was a lot less traumatic on you.”

“No shagging then?” Remus asked making Sirius laugh that glorious bubbly laugh that Remus loved.

“No... no shagging. Don’t really want our first time to be like that.” Sirius laced their fingers together before sliding into bed next to him, nuzzling into the crook of Remus’s arm.

Remus closed his eyes again before scrunching his nose. “You smell terrible.”

Sirius laughed again. “But you can smell you too, right?”

Remus inhaled deeply against Sirius’s hair. It smelled very strongly of wolf, but underneath that was a very low lace of something spicy, like cinnamon. Remus closed his eyes, unsure how he felt. “Yeah, I can smell me too.”


	23. Coming Up For Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is dating someone, Sirius is good at giving advice.

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Merlin Sirius, why do you smell like a dog?” Carlotta crinkled her nose at him.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and then nudged Remus lightly. It had been another moon the day before and the smell lingered for days, even after copious showers.

Carlotta Meloni had been spending quite a bit of time hanging around the Marauders these days, particularly James. Sirius thought this was a waste of her time, and he wasn’t particularly fond of her either way. But James wasn’t keen on telling her to bugger off either. Remus had deduced that perhaps James fancied her too, which Sirius upon first hearing thought was entirely mental, but now wondered if it was true as Carlotta had been spending more and more time with them.

“Be honest, have you smuggled a dog into Hogwarts?” She asked leaning closer to the group.

Sirius gave her a crooked smile. “Sorry love... marauders secret I’m afraid.”

Carlotta giggled. “Well, s’pose I can’t argue with that then can I. You boys practically run the school these days.”

“Well... not the whole school.” Remus added not looking up from his book.

More incessant giggling. Remus let out an exasperated sigh that Sirius had to agree with.

“Right well, I’m off lads. James, walk me to the library?” She had her hand on his wrist.

“Yeah sure.” James popped up with her and they both walked out of Great Hall.

“Bloody hell I thought she’d never leave.” Peter finally said after some time.

“Soot for brains that one,” Sirius added only to be slapped on the hand by Remus.

“Be nice,” Remus was quiet, “You’re not wrong though.”

“Oi! Check the map. Let’s see if they’ve hurried off to some broom cupboard.” Peter offered.

“James took the map,” Remus said.

“Clever bastard.” Sirius said. He let his fingers slide to Remus’s knee, something he had been waiting to do until Carlotta left.

James came back flushed and smiling a dumb goofy grin.

“Nice move taking the map then.” Sirius said as he sat back down with them.

“Well couldn’t have you lot watching my every move now could I? Not that it’ll stop you from taking the piss.”

“So that’s it? You and and Carlotta?” Remus asked.

James shrugged his shoulders staring down at his books. “S’pose so.”

“But what about Lily? Ow!” Peter glared at Sirius who had promptly kicked him in the shin under the table.

James was biting his lip not acknowledging the question for some time before finally shrugging. “Can’t spend my whole life pining for someone who wants nothing to do with me.”

That was the end of it, none of them felt right with teasing James about his new girlfriend anymore.

Sirius waited until everyone else had started walking on, Remus having that keen extra sense to leave as well as James gathered his things. “You alright then?” Sirius asked.

James just shrugged his shoulders. “Fucking Wormtail... why’d he have to go and bring her into it?”

“Pete’s an idiot. Listen, if you want to move on I think it’s a good idea. Bout time you’ve had some snogging.” Sirius said causing James to huff out a laugh.

James bit at his lip some more. “Can I ask you something?”

Sirius nodded.

“What’s it like?”

“What snogging?” Sirius cackled.

“Piss off... I mean... what does it feel like you know... being with Moony?” He was careful to lower his voice.

Sirius thought for a while. “It feels like coming up for air after being under water for too long.”

James laughed. “When did you turn into such a bloody sop?”

Sirius laughed too and shoved James as they both walked out of the Great Hall together.

After that Carlotta was around a lot more, so much that they could scarcely have any time to themselves. She was with them in the library, and the Great Hall, and the common room. The only place she wasn’t with them was in their dormitories which meant Sirius, Peter and Remus had taken to heading off to bed far earlier than they wanted to get some time away from her.

“It’s like she has him under a spell.” Peter grumbled seated on Remus’s bed as they played a game of chess. He gasped. “You don’t think she slipped him a love potion do you?”

Remus laughed at that. “Come off it, Pete. She’s a fifth year and we all already know she couldn’t pull that off. He’s just excited about having a girlfriend is all.”

“Well he could be a bit more respectful of personal space is all I have to say.” Peter said, his knight moving across the board. “If I have to sit there while they snog each other’s faces off any longer I’m gonna be sick... fuckin hell Moony! How do you always win?”

Remus had just taken Peter’s queen.

“That’s the price you pay for playing against him Wormtail. He’s a mastermind. I think he cheats.” Sirius said from James’s bed where he was flipping through a quidditch magazine. Sirius looked over to the book on his own bed. “Oh shit! Gotta run lads, forgot this book needs back.”

“Want company?” Remus asked as Peter reset the board.

“Absolutely not! You lot can’t ditch me too. Rem, White or Black?” Peter crossed his arms.

“Just be a minute.” Sirius took the stairs two at a time, careful to pass by the couch that was now being exclusively used for snogging.

He dropped the book off at Madame Pince’s desk.

She tutted and shook her head. “Two weeks late, Mister Black.”

“Sorry,” he shrugged his shoulders.

She gave him a stern glare that made his spine go rigid. “Well, since you seem to be free, you can put these books back.”

Sirius huffed but grabbed the stack of books she was now holding out to him. He began walking about the library, lifting the books up as they floated to their respected spaces when he heard a quiet sniff.

Sirius stopped for a moment and listened, another sniffle. He walked over to where the sniffling was growing louder to see a mess of red hair and a very red faced Lily sitting in a quiet corner with her books sprawled out around her. She brought a handkerchief up to her face holding it to her mouth as a tear slid down her nose.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked.

She started and looked up at him. “Yes...” she wiped her face quickly. “Yes I’m fine.”

Sirius walked over and sat the remaining books on the desk. “You’ve been crying.”

“Very astute observation skills, Black.” She sniffled again and looked down at her parchment that was littered with tear drops, making the ink spread. “Please just go away.”

Sirius looked down at her again. “Bloody hell... is this about James and Carlotta?”

Lily’s head shot up and she turned an even brighter shade of pink. “Of course it’s not! He’s free to date who he likes!”

“I know he is, but that doesn’t mean you’re not upset about him. Didn’t think you cared for him though.”

“Oh piss off Sirius... leave me alone.” Lily crossed her arms around her.

Sirius made to turn around but instead pulled the seat up next to her.

“Did you not just hear me tell you to leave me alone?” Lily snapped.

“You fancy James, and he’s dating someone else. But you realize he’s only with her because he’s got it in his thick head that you don’t return the feelings.”

Lily shrugged. “Didn’t think I did if I’m honest. Dated Harvey last year, but I dumped him because he just didn’t feel right you know. And then seeing James with Carlotta has just... I don’t know. It doesn’t matter though. It’s too late now.” She slammed her books shut. “He’s with Carlotta and I wish him all the best.”

“That’s bollocks and you know it.” Sirius stood as well, forgetting the task he was meant to finish. “James is still mental for you. I can tell and so can he. I’d wager you ten galleons that if you told him how you felt you two would be together that very night.”

“Come off it, Sirius.” She gathered her things. “It’s fine... don’t... don’t tell him about this, please.”

Sirius nodded as Lily turned to walk away. “Oh shit... Evans... may want to wait a bit before going to the common room.”

She bit her lip but nodded a thank you and continued on her way.

Sirius sighed wishing desperately he hadn’t promised not to tell James. He would be over the moon, he’d have to tell Moony just so it wasn’t his secret alone.


	24. Something to Miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains talk of death and illness.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Christmas Sixth Year

Things with James and Carlotta had run its course it seemed as she was very suddenly avoiding the four of them.

“What happened then James, finally tell her to bugger off?” Peter budged him.

“S’pose... she was just ready for you know... and I don’t know it just didn’t feel right.” James was working his way through his second helping of toast.

Sirius smiled and shook his head. “Just not the right girl to lose it to eh?”

Remus kept his face straight. Months earlier Sirius had confided in him about Lily and they were both trying their best to be unbiased in the situation. Remus was not unaware of how James eyes were on Lily once again though as she sat and chatted happily with her friends.

“Plans for Christmas, Rem?” James asked not removing his gaze from the red head down the table.

“Not a lot, just going home.” Remus unfolded his newspaper and began reading, mostly scanning for deaths and disappearances.

“Want to come for Boxing Day?” James offered. “Mum and Dad would love to have you all.”

“I’ll be there,” Peter said cheerfully.

Remus nodded his head as well. “Have to check, but I’m sure that will be fine.”

Lily was passing by them now. “Have a good Christmas, Evans.” James offered as she passed.

“You as well, Potter.” If she had feelings she hid them rather well. “Remus, don’t forget that we have to round on the train ride.”

Remus groaned. “Do the other prefects do nothing?”

She rolled her eyes and continued on.

“What I don’t even get acknowledged?” Sirius called for her as she continued, she raised a hand in a lazy goodbye.

They were sitting in their usual compartment, Sirius was now taken with smoking cigarettes, and Remus couldn’t deny that it was a sight to behold.

Sirius raised his eye brows and offered it to him. Remus took a good long drag off of it, but didn’t dare to continue on as he was sure his father would instantly notice.

Sirius settled in and leaned against Remus, “Gonna miss you.” Sirius muttered to him.

The other two boys clearly tried to make themselves look busy.

“Are you?” Remus asked relishing at the smirk that graced Sirius’s perfect features.

“Oh bloody hell I can see where this is going. Pete, come help me find the trolly.” James stood up, Pete along with him.

“You gonna miss me?” Sirius asked.

“Is there something to miss?” Remus fell into this type of banter with Sirius like second nature now.

Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’s neck, peppering them upwards letting his breath linger on Remus’s ear causing his eyes to flutter shut and his breath catch in his throat. ‘God he was perfect’. Sirius’s scent of woodsmoke and lavender was now permeating the entire compartment threatening to drown Remus, burning down his throat. He bit down on his lip as Sirius’s kisses were now trailing across his jaw finally meeting his lips which Remus sought after greedily. The moon was too close and it made him too desperate for Sirius.

“God...” Remus breathed as they finally parted both breathless. “Yeahs’pose I’ll miss that a bit.”

They both laughed, still breathy before Sirius pressed his lips to Remus’s again, gentler this time, like he wanted it to last forever, and at this point Remus wouldn’t mind.

The others showed up shortly after, arms full of sweets and respectfully ignored the blush present on both their cheeks.

They filed off the train, the smell of woodsmoke and lavender still permeating Remus’s senses. He let a strand of Sirius hair catch in his fingers, the silkiness odd against his rough scarred fingers.

The Potters were waving the two boys over, and Remus noticed Peter’s dad chatting with Mr. Potter.

His own father was waiting at the entrance more or less, alone and out of place. The three other marauders turned to Remus to wish him goodbye. Sirius wrapped him in a tight embrace.

“See you soon?” Sirius whispered, Remus having to hold his breath to keep the scent of him at bay.

“Yeah...” Remus whispered.

The other two joined in on the hug then and they all had a good laugh before parting ways. Remus watched James and Sirius walk to the Potters both greeted with a warm embrace. He was glad Sirius had found a family in the Potters.

He made his way to his own father then. Giving him a half smile. “Ready?” Lyall asked.

Remus nodded and grabbed the arm his father had offered as they apparated away with a loud crack. They appeared in the back garden of Remus’s childhood home.

He walked in dropping his bag on the kitchen floor. “Mum?” He called.

“She’s having a rest.” Lyall said quietly.

Remus nodded. “Will she be up before the evening hits?”

“Should be, but you’ll see her in the morning if n—“

“Is that Remus?” his mothers voice called from the hallway as she wrapped a robe tightly around her small frame.

Remus smiled and made his way to her open arms. “My darling boy,” she hugged him tightly. “Come sit I want to hear all about the term.”

“There’s not much time,” Lyall said flicking his wand and putting the kettle on.

“There’s still time,” Remus retorted. “Nothing will happen for hours still.” He knew he shouldn’t snap at his father, but he hated how he controlled him.

“How are your friends?” Hope said sitting down across from Remus as he made himself comfortable on the couch.

“Yeah good. They’re all good.” Remus wanted to be careful what he said in front of his parents in regards to his friends.

“And classes?” Hope nodded at her husband who brought the tea over and sat everything out.

“Good,” Remus said taking tea and biscuits. “History of Magic is still my favorite, even if the Professor is a bit boring.”

“Binns still teaching?” Lyall asked.

Remus nodded. “Doubt he’ll ever stop.”

“My he must be old if he was both of your professors.” Hope put her hand in to her cheek.

“Well... he’s dead.” Remus said. His mother’s eyes got huge. “He’s a ghost.”

“Plenty of ghosts at Hogwarts, love.” Lyall added.

Remus sipped his tea, ignoring the burning that had begun back on the train.

“Any girlfriends?” Hope asked.

Remus shook his head, not ready to have that conversation with his mother.

“For the best,” Lyall added. “Wouldn’t want them finding out about your condition.”

“Oh Lyall, he’s allowed to have a life still.” Hope patted Remus’s hand with hers. “But probably best to keep your marks the top priority, plenty of time for romance after school.”

Remus smiled gently to his mother, catching his fathers eye. They had both agreed to try and keep the war hush hush when it came to Hope. She was fragile and didn’t need to worry more about the two of them.

Remus sucked in a breath at the burning sensation now taking over his body. He checked his pocket watch then. “Should probably be heading down.”

Hope’s face dropped and she nodded slowly. Lyall stood up and followed Remus outside and to their outdoor cellar. “Come to let you out in the morning then, son.”

Remus nodded as his father opened the door. He was anxious for this moon. The wolf had gotten so used to having a pack to run with, he knew it was going to be bad when he realized they weren’t going to be there.

“Remus...” Lyall said that all too familiar guilty face present once again. “Hope the night goes alright.”

“Thanks dad.” Remus walked down into the cellar and shivered as the door shut and locked, the handful of spells to hold him in and silence him also falling into place. It was pitch black in the cellar. He took his clothes off quickly and sat down, the pain slowly becoming unbearable. He tried desperately to hold it in, he didn’t want his mother to hear his screams, but after so much he knew he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

He coughed awake the next morning, aware of the blood and broken bones, unable to move. The wolf had been angry. Angry to be kept in a cage, and angry to be away from his pack. The sound of locks clicking from above him let him know his father was one his way. He would repair the worst of it before his mother saw.

“Bloody hell,” he heard him say. “Lumos... bad night then?”

Remus said nothing, he was in too much pain. His father healed his wounds and helped him up throwing his arm around him and helping him limp inside.

“Your mothers still asleep, she never sleeps well on moon nights, even when you’re off to school. Busy worrying.” Lyall said.

“She doesn’t need to be.” Remus breathed, his voice hoarse and painful from the howling.

He slept most of the day away, waking up finally past noon. He limped out, his body not healing as well as when he was at Hogwarts.

The Christmas Tree was decorating itself as Hope sat watching, still amazed by magic.

She smiled at him, cringing at his sealed up gashes. “I’m alright mum. Promise.”

He sat and watching the Christmas Tree with her. “I love watching the lights string themselves.” She marveled. “Beautiful magic.”

“Was thinking I’d go to the Potters for Boxing Day this year.” Remus said reaching for the food that had been laid out.

“Remus... we’d like you to stay home this break.” Lyall said coming in from his study.

“Why?” Remus asked trying his best not to sound defiant.

Lyall and Hope seemed to share a look before his father came to sit down as well.

“Darling...” Hope began. Remus looked to her and realized only then how much smaller she was and how tired she looked. “I’m ill. Can’t be helped I’m afraid.”

“It’s a muggle illness.” Lyall added.

Remus felt like his world was crashing around him.”How long?” He asked.

Hope shrugged her shoulders. “They’re not quite sure. Couple of years hopefully.”

“A couple of years? That’s it? Can nothing be done, dad?” Remus looked to his father.

Lyall sighed. “Muggle illnesses are complicated Remus. There isn’t magic to fix them. All we can do really is make sure she’s comfortable. Spend as much time together as we can.”

“Sorry my love, we were going to wait until after Christmas to tell you.” Hope grabbed Remus’s hand.

Remus then could smell the sickness hanging in the air, how had he not noticed it before. “Sorry... I need to...” Remus got up and walked to his room.

He pulled out parchment and quill before sitting down to write.

_Sirius,_

_Can’t come for Boxing Day. My mother is not well._

_Remus_


	25. The Lupins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys visit for Boxing Day

Chapter Twenty-Five

Christmas Sixth Year

“I hate the muggle underground transportation.” Peter complained as they boarded the tube.

“Oh come off it, Wormy. This is exciting!” James said. Sirius had to agree. They had made the decision simultaneously to surprise Remus at his family home since he couldn’t come to them and had to travel the muggle way for part of it. Sirius’s brain couldn’t catch up fast enough. The sounds and the lights all whirring past them, the muggles bustling around, so blissfully unaware.

They finally made it to the small muggle town and had to walk from there.

“Look there’s a cafe over there!” Sirius pointed. “Do you think Moony has muggle money so we can go?”

“Well his mother is a muggle after all.” James said, hands in his pockets. He was smiling over at some pretty girl on the opposite sidewalk.

“Just over this bend gents.” Peter continued pushing them forward.

“What if we go to the wrong address?” James asked.

“We won’t. I can smell him.” Sirius wiggled his eye brows.

“Bloody dog.” James shoved Sirius who shoved him back as they laughed.They continued walking until they reached a small Tudor style cottage at the far end and James knocked a bit more enthusiastically than he needed to.

There was some shuffling on the inside before an older gentleman opened the door only slightly. He looked almost exactly like Remus, slightly smaller framed and quite a bit of grey hair, but it was obvious they were in the right place.

“Yes?” He asked still keeping the door mostly closed. “Can I help you?” His eyes were shifting between the three boys.

“Er... sorry, we’re friends with Remus. Thought we’d pay him a visit.” James smiled as congenially as he could.

“From school?” The older man asked.

“Dad?” Remus walked to the door and the older gentleman finally relented and allowed it to be opened further. And there he was, absolute perfection. Sirius could feel his insides turn.

“What are you lot doin’ here?” Remus asked, but a huge smile was already plastered on his face.

“Well... figured since you couldn’t come to us, we’d go to you.” Sirius said, feeling mildly nervous as Lyall Lupin stood on.

Remus’s smile only grew though as he pulled all three of his friends in a gripping hug.

“Cheeky bastards,” he whispered to them. “Come on in. I’ll show you around.”

They followed Remus through the door and into an open den. It was smaller than Sirius’s bedroom, but far more cosy than his entire house.

“Mum...” Remus put his hands on a small woman’s shoulder who was sitting in a chair reading. “These are my friends from school. Thought to drop by and pay me a visit.”

She smiled and stood up turning towards them. “What a pleasant surprise. We never have visitors. Now, tell me all your names.”

“James Potter,” James stepped out and grabbed her hand gently.

“You Fleamont’s boy then?” Lyall Lupin asked still hovering by the door, clearly hoping the boys would leave quickly.

“Yeah,” James gave him a smile.

“Tell your father I wish him well then, lad.” Lyall nodded.

“I’m Peter Pettigrew.” Peter extended out his hand and seemed mildly disappointed to not receive the same acknowledgment from the senior Lupin.

“Peter, so lovely to meet you dear.” Remus’s mother said.

She finally turned to Sirius and his stomach felt like it was going to escape from him. “Sirius,” He said. “Sirius Black.”

The tension became thick as Lyall quietly grunted to himself and Remus stepped between the two of them.

“We all share a dorm, mum.” Remus said still glancing back at his father.

“How lovely.” Hope said sitting back down. “And how kind of you to stop in to see Remus. Warms my heart to know he has such good friends. Can I make tea?” She offered.

“I’ll do that, mum.” Remus patted her shoulder and walked into the other room. Sirius was desperate to follow, but Mrs. Lupin was now asking each of them questions about their favorite classes.

Remus returned shortly with six cups of tea with milk and sugars all laid out.

“Remus is hard to keep up with in classes though, he’s really good.” Peter offered. “He helps out the rest of us a lot.”

“Oi! Speak for yourself there!” Sirius said nudging Peter.

“Oh really, Black? So I supposed you won’t want me to read over your History of Magic essays anymore then?”

They all had a good laugh at that.

“And do you lot all have girlfriends then?” Mrs. Lupin asked smiling between the three boys.

Sirius caught Remus’s eye only briefly and saw the corners of his mouth upturn like the beginnings of that crooked grin before he dropped his gaze again.

“Not yet.” James answered for all of them.

After a while longer of chatting Remus showed the three boys to his room. It was littered with books everywhere you looked, towering throughout the room.

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” Sirius said letting his fingers touch Remus for the first time since he came into the home. Just lightly against his shoulder, squeezing gently.

Remus leaned his head forward and Sirius had to fight every urge to press a kiss into his skin.

“Right, let’s continue on then.” Remus lead them out the the small back garden where a massive blackberry bramble spindled every which way.

“Mum makes the best blackberry tarte.” Remus said. He bit his lip then and looked down at his hands.

“You wanna talk about it, mate?” James put a hand on his shoulder.

Remus shook his head. “Not just yet.”

Sirius watched Remus build up the invisible wall and give a weak smile to his friends. He wished the other two weren’t there so he could speak with Remus. So Remus could be vulnerable.

What’s this then?” Peter was kicking at the locked door of a seemingly small compartment with concrete on all sides.

“Oh... er... that’s our cellar.” Remus said walking over as well.

Sirius’s skin crawled at the thought of Remus going down there everymoon.

“You alright?” Remus was now standing next to Sirius as the two others had found Remus’s old gobstone set.

Sirius nodded before looking up to Remus. “Are you?”

Remus sighed and stared out at the end of the garden before shaking his head. He let his fingers drop down next to Sirius, so he did the same allowing their pinky fingers to just brush against one another.


	26. A Bad Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Remus’s seventeenth, but it doesn’t go as planned.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Sixth Year

Remus took the stairs up to the Gryffindor Tower two at a time, before stopping outside his bedroom door. He could hear nothing, but not just nothing. Complete silence, which could only mean one thing, someone had performed a silencing charm on the room.

Remus scrolled through any potential situation quickly, did James have a girl up there? Did Peter? He knocked quietly, whatever it was he needed his books for his next class.

The silencing charm was clearly extinguished as there was now a bustling to the door.

“Shit.” He heard someone say before Sirius’s face appeared. “Hey...”

“Hi...” Remus said. Sirius leaned in quickly and pressed a kiss to Remus’s lips. “What’s going on in there?”

“What? Oh nothing.” Sirius said shrugging his shoulders too much.

“Sirius, you’re a terrible liar and I already noticed the silencing charm. What do you have a girl in there you’re hiding from me?”

“Oooh...” he heard James’s snicker in the background.

“Sorry love... you cannot come in here. Important of age celebration planning happening. Very secret.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I need my Arithmancy book and some fresh parchment.”

Sirius smiled and shut the door again before opening it back up with his books and parchment in tow. Remus shook his head and shoved his Ancient Runes book back at Sirius.

“You lot realize that my birthday falls on the moon this year, right?” Remus offered. Usually this would have been a horrible, but since the marauders became animagus Remus almost found himself enjoying full-moons.

“Doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate you idiot.” He heard Peter yell from inside the room.

Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes, but even his pretend annoyance couldn’t hide the fact that he was beaming.

“Now run along Mister Lupin, we’re very busy here.” Sirius grabbed him by the back of the next and pulled him into a kiss which elicited a wolf-whistle from James.

“Fine.” Remus tried his best to seem annoyed as he turned to leave.

The moon was a good one. He actually remembered some of it. Bounding through the forest, swimming in the waterfall. And running. Running so fast that Padfoot could scarcely keep at his heels. Prongs and Wormtail nowhere to be seen.

He woke up the next morning sweating and sore, but exhilarated as well. Sirius had already dropped a blanket on him and dropped down next to him, the smell of wolf on him now almost comforting to Remus the next day.

“Happy birthday.” He whispered as Remus took deep inhales to catch his breath.

“Birthday Boy! Birthday Boy!” James and Peter were both chanting.

“Right right... now piss off all of you before Poppy comes in and finds you here.”

The day dragged on and he was tired but his bodies needs would have to wait because they were having a massive party for him that night and Remus figured he deserved to get proper pissed.

“Happy Birthday Remus!” Marlene smiled at him as he sat down for lunch in the Great Hall.

“Thanks Marlene.” Remus sat down slowly, trying his best to hide the twinge that he was feeling in his legs as he did so.

A gasp from the Ravenclaw table as one girl screamed and ran out of the Great Hall.

“What was that all about?” Marlene asked.

Dorcas ran to sit next to her. “There’s been another attack. A werewolf attack.”

Remus’s stomach dropped and his throat tightened. A hand reached for his under the table and he squeezed hard at it.

“Where?” Lily was suddenly next to them.

“Bath. A muggle family. All killed.” Dorcas was pale and looked sickly.

“Do they know... was it him?” James asked.

Dorcas shrugged her shoulders. “Does it matter really? All werewolves are on his side aren’t they? They’re dark creatures after all.”

“Oh God...” Marlene whispered. “Do you think they’ll try to come to Hogwarts?”

The marauders were all silent, Sirius’s hand the only thing grounding Remus in that moment.

“Not bloody likely!” Another girl said. “Hogwarts is probably the only safe place left.”

Remus’s head was swimming, he thought he was going to be sick. “I think...”

Sirius seemed to understand because he immediately got up pulling Remus to his feet. They rushed quickly the way to Gryffindor tower, Remus didn’t even check to see if James or Peter were following, only able to focus on Sirius’s hand now firmly on his shoulder.

Sirius led him to their room and shut the door immediately wrapping Remus into his arms. Remus couldn’t see or hear anything but his blood coursing through his veins.

“Fuck...” Remus breathed.

“Shhh...” Sirius was running his fingers through Remus’s hair soothing him down. “Take deep breaths Moony.”

Remus tried breathing deep, but his head felt like water. He shoved his face into Sirius’s hair and breathed in the smell of him. The woodsmoke and lavender almost over-permeated by the smell of wolf and fresh air and cinnamon. He clung to it like a lifeline praying the other boys weren’t just outside the door as his deep breaths turned quickly into harsh ragged tears.

“I hate what I am! I hate what he did to me! I wish they had killed me when they had the chance!” he didn’t even know those thoughts still haunted his brain until they were pouring out of him.

“Shh...” Sirius continued to soothe. “It’s going to be okay, Remus.”

“No its not! There’s a war going on and I’m a fucking werewolf!”

“Moony... we are going to win this war. And we are going to fight. And I am always going to stand beside you.” Sirius whispered.

Remus just held onto to Sirius tighter, he was sure that it hurt, but he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t risk sinking.

Eventually the other two marauders came up as well, and they all sat in silence for a long time. Classes had been cancelled and the students were anxious.

“I hate this war.” James said his eyes to the ceiling.

Remus still couldn’t speak. He was lying down on his bed staring at something, but his eyes still refused to focus. Sirius’s hand was still holding his.

“We need to do something about it, don’t we? We’re all of age now. What’s stopping us from fighting?” Sirius asked.

“Fighting what?” Remus whispered not even sure if the others could hear him. “What is there that four seventeen year olds can do. We’re useless to a war front.”

“That’s not true.” Sirius said squeezing Remus’s hand even harder. “Just because we’re young that doesn’t mean we can do incredible things.”

“Sirius is right,” Peter added. “We just need to be patient. Our time will come.”

“Yours might. I can’t think of what our side would want with a werewolf.” Remus said.

They were quiet again then until night time, no one much feeling like eating.

They dressed for bed in silence and Sirius looked at Remus with those striking blue eyes and Remus clung even tighter to him.

“Please don’t leave me.” he whispered as quietly as he could.

Sirius laid down next to him and wrapped his arms tight around Remus. “Never.” He breathed back.

Sirius put a silencing charm around them and held Remus close. “Is this your worst birthday?”

“No.” Remus whispered. “My fifth birthday was on the first full moon.”

“Sorry Rem. Shouldn’t have asked.” Sirius was running his fingers up and down Remus’s arm and it did soothe him into closing his eyes.

“S’alright. I’m glad you’re here with me.” Remus murmured into Sirius’s chest.

“Always,” Sirius whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry babies, they don’t get nice things.


	27. Moons and Amortencia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mix of dark and light hearted because honestly I needed it.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Things were tense from that point on. Students had begun to take it upon themselves to learn more about werewolves, which only made Remus more anxious.

The wolf seemed anxious as well, desperate to keep Prongs and Wormtail away, desperate to run as far as he could. McGonogall thought it best he not miss classes so after the moon came up Remus had to continue school, which had been difficult to watch.

The sleep he got right after did a lot more for him than Sirius had realized. After every class Remus would race to the bathrooms to vomit because his body was sick with pain. Sirius waited outside the bathroom for Remus, he emerged looking sweaty and exhausted.

“You alright Remus, love?” Dorcas asked as they all sat for lunch.

Remus nodded. “Haven’t been feeling well, think I caught something.”

“Worried I may have as well,” James said to try to move the eyes from Remus.

“You should eat something?” Marlene shoved food in front of Remus.

Sirius watched him force down the meal in front of him, desperate to not show any sort of weakness in front of these people who had been searching up on werewolves for the last month.

Sirius followed him out of the lunch room and to the bathroom where he once again vomited up all of the food he had just forced down.

“Merlin, maybe you should just go to bed.” Sirius said putting a hand to Remus’s back as he bent down over the toilet.

“Can’t...” Remus wiped his mouth and stood up slowly his hands shaking. “Not with everyone paying all this attention to recognizing werewolves.”

Sirius rubbed Remus’s back as he washed his mouth out in the sink. “It’ll blow over soon enough and no one will think anything of your missing classes again.”

Remus just shrugged his shoulders. “If I’m honest, I’ve just been waiting for my luck to run out ever since I received my acceptance letter. It may just be my time.”

“That’s a load of bollocks.” Sirius tried.

“Is it?” Remus said as they left the bathroom and began their walk to Potions. “Not all of us are meant for greatness, Pads. Some of us are just meant to make the most out of a bad hand.”

Sirius said nothing more because he wasn’t sure if he could honestly disagree with Remus. Sirius had been given everything in life apart from loving parents. Remus had loving parents, or a loving mother at the very least, but could that really be enough to compensate for the rest. He had the marauders of course, and Sirius knew all three of them would stand beside Remus no matter what. And they had each other, a piece of luck Sirius had never thought possible.

Sirius opened the door for Remus and they both walked to their desk, the other two marauders already there waiting for them.

“Good of you to join us gentleman.” Professor Slughorn gave them both that uncomfortable crooked smile of his. “Now, today we will be learning about Amortencia, thought a nice lovely lesson would lighten hearts given the state of things. Now, who can tell me what exactly is Amortencia?”

Remus raised his hand slowly. “Most powerful love-potion in the world.”

“Excellent Mister Lupin, five points to Gryffindor. And what does Amortencia smell like?”

Severus raised his hand on the other side of the room. “Amortencia does not smell like one specific thing, rather it smells like what the particular person inhaling it finds attractive.”

“Very good Mister Snape, take five points.” Professor Slughorn said.

“Two guesses what Snivelli’s smells like then...” Sirius whispered causing snickers from the two marauders, Remus to unwell to muster more than a smile.

“Thank you for volunteering Mister Black, please come up and describe the scent.” Professor Slughorn and the rest of the class was now looking at him.

“Me?” Sirius asked.

Professor Slughorn nodded and motioned for him to come to the front of the class.

Sirius let out a long huff before walking towards the front.

“Give it a good inhale and describe what you smell.”

Sirius took a deep inhale and immediately felt a rejuvenation he hadn’t experience since before they learned of the werewolf attack. He felt light and comfortable. He shook his head and tried to focus. “Uh... woodlands, cinnamon...” he took a long inhale and almost felt like passing out. “And...” His eyes darted briefly to Remus who was now watching him. “Fur...”

“Very interesting,” Professor Slughorn replied. But Sirius could no longer hear him because it was all he could do to not immediately race to the blonde boy who was trying to hide his smile. “And how do you feel after that?”

“Me? Oh... bloody amazing.” Sirius let out a sheepish laugh.

“Yes. That is one of the better side effects of even just inhaling Amortencia: euphoria. Now, everyone form a line, we will all be describing our scent.”

James’s and Severus’s were oddly similar which caused the marauders to hold their mouths to keep from dying of laughter.

“Miss Evans,” Professor Slughorn said.

Lily walked to the bubbling pot. She closed her eyes as she inhaled and even Sirius could admit that she was a sight. “Wind... books... broom varnish...”

James perked up and they met eyes briefly before Lily became an odd shade of pink and walked quickly away.

“Well done then, mate.” Sirius nudged him.

“Mister Lupin?” Professor Slughorn offered.

“Think I’ve fallen ill, Professor... best not to be sick in the cauldron.”

“Trust that this will pick you up then.” Professor Slughorn motioned towards him again. 

Remus walked up slowly and inhaled deeply, color almost immediately returning to his cheeks.

“Now... describe the smell.”

“Woodsmoke, lavender... and...” he stopped and smiled to no one. “Cigarettes.”

“Cigarettes? That is an odd one, but to each their own I suppose.” Professor Slughorn added smiling.

“And what do you smell Professor?” Lily asked.

“Me?” Slughorn chuckled. “Let’s see here, my scent hasn’t changed since I was a young lad.” He walked up and gave a long sniff, wafting the potion towards him with a hand. “Lemon, brandy, and worn leather.”

Remus nudged Sirius lightly, both boys clearly feeling elated.

“Bloody hell, that actually helped. I feel loads better. Maybe I should always just sniff Amortencia afterwards.” In fact the entire class seemed to experience a wave of comfort they had been missing. All except for Severus Snape who stormed out of class immediately after lesson.

“Think Snivellus is a bit distraught there.” Peter nudged James who was all grins, but trying to hide it.

“Oi Evans!” He called out. “Fancy a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend then?”

“Oh piss off, James.” Lily said as she passed him, but they could all see that she was also smiling.

“You feeling alright?” Sirius asked Remus who was still smiling as they changed into casual clothes.

He turned to Sirius and nodded. “Bollocks to greatness, if you always smell me and I always smell you then bollocks to the rest.”

Sirius smiled and let his hand touch Remus’s chest, his fingers running against the silvery scars before pressing a kiss to his lips. “Bollocks to the rest.”


	28. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly a fluffy summer chapter because I wanted it in my life.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Hogwarts Express

“Do you think it will be different now?” Lily asked the over-crowded compartment. She was purposefully not sitting next to James, but did accept the invitation to join their compartment none the less. Which in turn meant that Marlene and Dorcas were also there.

“Will what be different?” Marlene asked.

“You know, everything. The war is only seeming to pick up speed, do you think everything will change?” she asked.

James gave her a small smile. “Yeah probably. But change isn’t always terrible.”

Remus nodded in agreement without looking up from his book. He was seated in between Sirius and Lily and Sirius was fully leaned against him, a cigarette hanging lazily from his mouth.

“Ugh... Sirius do you have to smoke that in here?” Dorcas coughed.

Sirius just shrugged his shoulders and gave a brilliant smile to the girl. “Alas I must, you see this wanker is damn near in love with it.”

Remus’s head shot up and he turned to Sirius. “Fuck off!”

All three girls were now giggling. “You two are like an old married couple aren’t you?” Marlene said. Remus wasn’t unaware of how Sirius puffed up with pride at Marlene jibing him on his relationship.

“Well either way your smoking out the entire compartment.” Dorcas added crossing her arms and leaning against Marlene.

Sirius chuckled and took one more long drag before handing it off to Remus. He only smoked with Sirius, but it had become tradition that he would hand the fag to Remus for a drag before taking the last one for himself. Remus inhaled slowly and practiced the French inhale that he had been working on, catching Sirius watching him.

“Fucking show off,” Sirius jabbed him in the ribs, but not before Remus had noticed him blushing.

Sirius took one last long drag before tossing it out the open window. “So... anyone have plans for the summer?”

“Not sure, but getting around will be loads easier now that we’re allowed to apparate.” Lily added.

“Speak for yourself,” Marlene slumped in her seat. “I’m still terrified of getting splinched.”

“You’ve successfully done it every time, Marls. What’s there to worry about?” Dorcas patted Marlene’s knee, leaving her hand there afterwards.

“It will be nice to just pop in on you lot whenever I please I suppose.” Remus shrugged his shoulders.

“Will you come to visit then, Lily?” James asked.

Lily smirked before nodded. “Perhaps if I find time.”

Sirius and Remus shared a look. “So it begins...” Sirius whispered into Remus’s hair.

*******************************************************************************

Summer

Moony,

Come to visit?

Padfoot

“Mum, I’m off.” Remus said grabbing his bag from the chair.

“Where are you popping off to then?” She asked smiling from her seat. She had gotten thinner since Christmas.

“Just off to James’s house. Sirius and Peter are there as well. I’ll be home in a few hours?”

“I’m so thankful that you have such good friends, love.” Hope held her hand out.

Remus smiled and took it. “Yeah, they’re good. Are you sure you’re alright with me leaving? I can stay with you instead.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m perfectly fine. Just going to have a rest and then read my book.”

Remus walked to their back garden to apparate away from snooping eyes and quickly ended up on James’s doorstep. He knocked a few times and waited as the sound of footsteps approached.

“Moony!” James and Sirius were at the door, followed by a redhead hanging back slightly.

“Oi... Evans... is that you?” Remus asked being pulled in by Sirius.

“In the flesh it would seem.” Lily shrugged.

Sirius had already laced their fingers together as Remus pulled him into a hug.

“Missed you,” Remus whispered.

“Missed you... how was...” Sirius didn’t finish his sentence, glancing towards Lily who was leaned against the hall archway.

“S’okay, Lily knows.” Remus added. Both Sirius and James gave him surprised looks.

Lily looked sheepish. “Severus told me.”

Remus made sure to squeeze Sirius’s hand a little extra hard then.

“It was okay,” he admitted.

“Don’t see why we couldn’t just apparate somewhere.” Sirius whispered to Remus as they all made their way down the street to a pub, Peter now in tow as well.

“My dad wouldn’t allow it.” Remus added.

“So he’d rather you stay locked away in that bloody cellar?” Sirius said.

Remus sighed. “Sirius, it’s more complicated than just that.”

“You’d think he’d want it to be as easy as it could be given—“

“Given what?” Remus stopped and looked at him. “My dad didn’t do this to me, Sirius.” The others had continued walking, not realizing the two boys were no longer following behind.

“I know that. Sorry I just meant—“

“It’s not that simple. I’m his responsibility. And how would I even go about that conversation? My mates want to apparate with me to some forest so that I can turn with them as unregistered animagus?”

“That’s... fine... sorry it was stupid to bring it up at all. I just hate that you’re trapped in there.” Sirius said pulling a cigarette out of his jeans.

Remus sighed, taking the cigarette from him and lighting it before taking a good long drag off it. “I know... but it’s only a few times a year now thanks to you lot.”

“Well, pretty shortly it will be never.” Sirius said as he continued walking.

“What?” Remus asked.

“Once we’re done with Hogwarts I mean.” Sirius said. “Then you’ll never have to transform in the cellar again.”

“Oh really and why is that?” Remus asked holding the door open for Sirius who took one last long drag out of the cigarette before dropping it in the bins.

“Because we’ll be living together of course.” Sirius said this as if it were the most obvious thing imaginable, but Remus was still shocked into silence, unsure if Sirius was joking or not.

*******************************************************************************

Summer

Moony,

Please rescue me. Lily is now over every day and they are insufferable.

Pads

Padfoot,

Come here?

Moony

A knock at the door and Remus was bustling through the house making sure to kiss his mum on the way to the door who was napping in her favorite chair by the fire.

“Hiya Moony!” Sirius was there, clad in black denim and a fitted tee and sunglasses of all things pulling his hair out of his face. He looked like a rockstar.

“Nice look there, Black.” Remus was eyeing him up and down, he couldn’t help it. He was perfection.

“Is someone at the door, Remus?” His mother mumbled waking from her nap.

“Yeah, sorry mum. You remember my friend Sirius?” He asked opening the door further so Sirius could step in.

“Pleasure Mrs. Lupin,” Sirius nodded at her coming in closer.

“Oh please just call me Hope.” She was smiling between the two of them.

“Mum we were just going to pop out to the cafe, shall I bring you back a toffee bun?” Remus asked.

“That’s very sweet of you dear. Remus, could you start some tea for me?” She sat up a little more.

“Course,” Remus walked towards the kitchen, Sirius following him. Remus was tapping different cupboards and drawers with his wand as the kitchen erupted into life.

Suddenly Sirius’s arms were around him and his head rested on Remus’s back which all felt very domestic.

“So how insufferable are they exactly?” Remus asked as he grabbed the tray of finished tea to bring out to his mother.

“Lily stayed over last night...”

Remus laughed at that.

“James swears nothing happened, and to his credit, she did sleep down the hall, but I didn’t hear her creeping into her room until after three in the morning.”

“So it’s happening then?” Remus asked.

“Bout bloody time if you ask me.” Sirius said following Remus back out to the living room where he sat the tea down for his mother.

“Have a good time lads,” Hope said as they left out the front door.

They had been sitting outside the cafe sipping espressos and munching on pasties while sharing a fag before Remus finally gathered the courage to broach the subject.

“Sirius,” he started.

“Hmm...” Sirius was now reading the newspaper his sunglasses covering his blue eyes. God he was so beautiful.

“What did you mean by us living together?” Remus asked.

Sirius looked up from the paper. “What did you think I meant? I’ve been sharing a dorm room with you for six years, you think I just want to stop once we’re out of Hogwarts.”

“So is this you asking me to live with you then?” Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged and took a drag off his cigarette. “Yeah.”

Remus leaned back and stared at the young man that he had fallen for so desperately. “Well I s’pose you’ve made a pretty good proposition then, Mister Black. Who would I be to refuse.”

Sirius laughed. “I love you, you idiot.”

Remus smiled and looked down.

“Go on then,” Sirius added.

“What?” Remus asked.

“Come on, you know what I want.” Sirius had now pushed the sunglasses into his hair again forcing Remus to catch his breath.

He rolled his eyes and feigned annoyance. “Fine... I love you too.”


	29. Closeness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders start their seventh year.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Seventh Year

They had all crammed into a single compartment on the Hogwarts Express bound for their final year at Hogwarts. Lily and James were sitting practically on top of one another this time though. Their relationship had taken off completely over the last year of summer with Lily over almost daily or James popping out to meet her somewhere. Sirius didn’t mind, in fact he was elated for James who had proven all of them wrong by finally winning the heart of Lily Evans, the girl he had been pining over for seven years.

“Still can’t believe they made you of all people head boy,” Marlene was saying as James’s pinned his bright shiny gold head boy pin on his robes.

That had been another surprise to all of them, everyone had assumed Remus would receive the head boy commendation as he’d been prefect for two years already, but Remus seemed more than jovial to not have the obligation.

“Yeah, still thinking they mucked up and will take it from me when we get to Hogwarts.” James laughed as Lily pulled him up, lacing their fingers together.

Sirius was leaned against Remus as they passed their traditional Hogwarts Express fag back and forth.

“Come on, Rem... you still have to attend the prefect patrol meeting.” Lily said.

“Oh come on, you’re head girl, can’t I just have a pass this year? Who am I meant to patrol with anyways?”

“Well those are the things sorted out in the patrol meeting.” Lily pulled him up too. 

Remus rolled his eyes and took one last drag off the cigarette before handing it back to Sirius.

The three of them left leaving the compartment much more spacious. “They sure do make a cozy pair don’t they?” Marlene commented.

Peter gruffed. “Speak for yourself, now I’m the only single marauder.”

“I’m sure you’ll find some, Peter.” Dorcas added her own fingers laced in Marlene’s.

“Not like I haven’t been trying.” Peter crossed his arms and slouched in his chair.

Sirius laughed and pulled a second cigarette out of his pack. Staring at the end as it sizzled lightly.

“Wars getting scary, Mum and Dad almost didn’t let me come back this year.” Dorcas said out of the blue.

“That’s stupid, Hogwarts is the safest place you could be.” Sirius was now standing by the open window to appease the two girl blowing the smoke out with each puff.

“Sirius!” Marlene scolded.

“Sorry, no offense to your parents.” Sirius added.

“No it’s alright. You’re right of course, and I said as much. They... want to ship me away after we leave Hogwarts. Off to America...” Dorcas squeezed Marlene’s hands tighter. “I said no, I want to stay and fight. I want to do my part to make a difference.”

“Atta girl,” Sirius said catching Marlene’s scathing glare before she stared down at their laced fingers.

“Is it so bad to want to live a while longer? I mean for Merlin’s sake we’re only kids. Do we have to sign up to die so quickly?” Marlene whispered to no one.

Sirius threw the last of the fag out the window and sat down next to Marlene putting an arm around her, something he hadn’t done for almost two years now. Everyone had gone quiet.

“Pretty sure we may be dying regardless, love. Is it not better to die trying to make a difference?” Sirius asked.

Marlene sniffed and wiped her eyes. “And just when my life finally started to feel on track.”

Dorcas kissed her forehead and pulled her closer.

*******************************************************************************

“Marlene doesn’t want to fight?” Remus said as they climbed the steps up to their dormitories.

“Can you blame her?” Peter asked who had been rather quiet himself. “This war is becoming worse and worse with each passing day it seems.”

“If we die at least we’ll die in glory and on the right side of it though,” James said.

“I don’t want glory. I want to survive.” Peter said.

“We’ll survive, Pete. We’re marauders after all.” Remus threw an arm over Peter’s shoulder. Sirius looked over to Remus and knew that he wanted it to be true, even if he didn’t believe it was.

The three girls joined them as they gathered around the common room fireplace later that evening, getting first choice in seating now that they were seventh years. James and Lily were seated together, Lily wrapped into James’ lap, his hand placed precariously on her lower back, sliding down and crumpling her skirt. Dorcas and Marlene were seated in a very similar position to Lily and James. Sirius couldn’t help but feel jealous as Remus was sat on the floor below him, occasionally leaning against his knee.

They were lucky to have such good friends who were perfectly fine with their relationship, but out in the buzzing common room, they couldn’t be close, not even as close as Marlene and Dorcas, who everyone considered as close as sisters. Everyone thought Remus and Sirius were best friends, and Sirius had occasionally heard some nasty remarks about how they were a little too close, but they kept each other at an acceptable distance when in front of others, which Sirius hated desperately. He just wanted to hold Remus’s hand as they wandered through the castle.

James and Lily had started snogging, paying no attention to anyone else and Sirius could have thrown something at them. He didn’t really know why it made him so angry. He didn’t even like the idea of public snogging all that much. Maybe it was because they could, and he and Remus could not with out finding a sneaky broom cupboard. Or perhaps the far more underlying and shameful jealousy was because it had taken him and Remus ages to get to a point of snogging and Remus always seemed to have no desire to continue.

Sirius didn’t mind moving slowly, he knew that Remus was a slow and private person, but he had started to wonder, especially after the copious amount of nights Lily had spent in James’s bed over the summer if maybe Remus just didn’t want to do more than the occasional kiss. Maybe it was because of Sirius, maybe Remus just wasn’t interested in him in that way, that thought made Sirius’s mind swirl with panic.

Sirius swallowed down his jealousy and closed his book. “Well mates, I’m off to bed then.”

“I’ll join you,” Remus added standing up.

“Me t—“ Peter started before noticing the look Sirius was giving him. “Actually... anyone for a game of chess?”

“Ooh!” Dorcas peeled herself away from Marlene. “I’ll play you Pete.”

Remus followed Sirius up the steps finally reaching for his hand. “You alright?”

“Yeah...” Sirius tried lying. “Just wanted to be alone with you for a while.”

Remus smiled and pulled him closer wrapping his arms around Sirius.

“Missed you,” Sirius whispered.

“Missed you...” Remus returned pulling Sirius’s face towards him and pressing a kiss against Sirius’s lips.

Sirius leaned forward pressing himself firmly against Remus, deepening their kiss as Remus’s fingers grasped at Sirius’s arms. Sirius pressed his fingers against Remus’s chest and pushed him towards his bed.

Remus groaned as Sirius climbed on top of him still kissing him long and slow.

“Sirius...” Remus whispered.

This just pushed Sirius further to desperation. He wrapped his arms tighter around Remus pulling him even closer.

“Sirius... not tonight, love.” Remus whispered again.

Sirius could feel his throat threaten to close up as he paused and looked at Remus.

Remus ran his fingers up and down Sirius’s arms. “Just come and lay with me.”

Sirius swallowed down the knowledge that he may be right and that Remus may not feel as strongly for Sirius as he did. He gave a weak smile and nodded flopping onto Remus’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to mention, that Peter at this point is not a death eater nor does he have any thoughts on betrayal, but i did put that line of his saying he just wanted to survive to show in my opinion how he would be capable of all of that. He is still their best friend though.
> 
> I also wanted to remind everything that this is meant to be a slow burn. We’re getting there ya’ll...


	30. When I Want to Kiss You

Chapter Thirty

Seventh Year

Sirius had been on edge, and Remus couldn’t really say he blamed him. He had panicked the other night of course, as he always did. He couldn’t quite put into words why being close with Sirius made him panic, but every time they seemed to be getting closer Remus felt filled with it.

“Hey,” Remus said sitting down next to Sirius at breakfast. “Missed you this morning,” he scooped eggs and sausage and beans onto his plate.

“Early morning quidditch practice,” Sirius yawned.

“Your captain is a real arse.” Remus said.

“Oi! Sleeping in doesn’t win quidditch cups.” James said from across the table. Peter had fallen asleep on his Potions book and was snoring lightly starting only slightly at James’ outburst right next to him.

Sirius was staring down at his own food picking at it with his fork.

“You alright?” Remus asked.

Sirius simply nodded, which of course meant he was not alright.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Remus offered.

“I said I was fine, Rem.” Sirius said. “Don’t worry about it.”

Remus huffed and reached a hand out squeezing Sirius’s knee under the table. “Can we talk about it?”

Sirius looked over at him. “Do you want to talk about it? Because it seems that you really want to avoid it.”

Remus looked over at James who gave them both a smile and looked down.

“Muffliato.” Remus murmured and then looked back to Sirius who was once again picking at his food. “Is that really necessary, Sirius. Calling me out in front of our friends?”

Sirius said nothing for a long moment. “No... sorry. I’m just tired and in a bad mood.”

“Forgiven.” Remus said pressing his fist against Sirius’s knee. “And we can talk about it, if you want... maybe just not during breakfast.”

Sirius smirked and nodded again. “Yeah alright. Now extinguish the silencing spell because James is pretending not to look.”

They continued their breakfast and all made their way to History of Magic and Remus tried not to think of the impending conversation he would have to have.

They were seated out in the crisp September air, just the two of them, enjoying the last of the Autumn sunshine. Sirius had taken his button down off and was now lounging in a white tee, his silky hair glistening in the sunlight. Remus was chewing on his lip watching the sunlight cause Sirius’s milky skin to shimmer. God he was beautiful.

“You’re staring, Mister Lupin.” Sirius had that over-confident smirk.

“Your eyes are closed, how could you possibly know if I’m staring?” Remus retorted.

“Because I’m pretty and you’re in love with me.” Sirius opened his eyes and looked over.

“Touché.” Remus added. “Do you wanna talk?”

Sirius nodded and turned to face Remus, crossing his legs, casting a wordless silence charm around them. “What happened last night then?”

Remus shrugged, trying hard not to allow the barrier to be built around him.

“Do you not want to... be with me like that?” Sirius was pulling at the grass below him.

“I do. I really do.” Remus could feel his cheeks flush. “It just makes me nervous. I feel like I’ll lose control.”

Sirius nodded. “Can I ask what you mean by lose control?”

Remus blushed. “When...” he cleared his throat. “When I’m close to the moon my er... desires are a lot more amplified. And you kind of drive me mental during those times. I mean... Merlin... the way you smell is enough to send me into a frenzy.”

Sirius’s eyes were watching him very closely now.

“And there is this desperation inside of me then that just wants to... do anything I can to get myself close to you.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Sirius said.

“It’s... it feels almost vicious though. Like an angry white hot lust. I don’t like feeling like that. When the moon is waxing I feel like I have a lid on it, but even then it’s there. But now... when the moon is so close I just want it so badly that I feel like I’m willing to do anything to get it. And I don’t want that for us.”

“So... what does that mean exactly?” Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. “It just means that I’m scared... I guess. How fucking pathetic is that?”

Sirius let his face crinkle into a smile. “Probably about as pathetic as me thinking you don’t feel that strongly towards me.”

They both laughed. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Sirius.”

Sirius shrugged. “I just want you to communicate with me.”

“I will, and I’m sorry.”

“Forgiven.” Sirius let his fingers brush against Remus’s. “To be honest, I think I’ve been panicking a little about James and Lily.”

“Why? James is never going to leave you.” Remus shoved him.

“I know that... but it’s just so easy for them. They can hold hands and hug and snog in the fucking common room. I just wish...”

“What you want to snog in the common room?” Remus asked.

Sirius laughed. “No! I just wish that we could if we wanted to. Without getting the piss kicked out of us that is.”

“I’d like to see someone try to take the piss out of us, Sirius. We’re marauders. We can do whatever we want.”

“Can’t kiss you right now.” Sirius said.

“Could if you wanted to.” Remus added.

Sirius’s eyes widened and he glanced around at all of the students lounging on the grass.

Remus sighed and ran his finger against Sirius’s. “It’s alright love. One day when we’re not at school everything with be easier.”

“Apart from the war?” Sirius asked.

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. “Bloody war... I just want to snog my boyfriend without getting the piss kicked out of me, but instead I have to go be a damn hero.”

Sirius laughed and then looked down at the grass that he had been ruthlessly upending.

Remus watched for a moment before getting an idea. “Here...” he reached for the end of Sirius sleeve and ran his fingers across the skin there before pulling Sirius only slightly by the wrist. “When I want to kiss you and can’t.”

Sirius’s grin was brilliant, and worth being a sap for. “I love you, you idiot.”

Sirius’s blue eyes were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen as he smiled at him. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just your friendly reminder that trans lives matter, queer lives matter, Black Lives Matter and that JKR is a terf.


	31. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: some sexual content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains time jumps and basically covers the end of September and all of October.

Chapter Thirty-One

Seventh Year

The four marauders plus Lily were walking to Hogsmeade together.

“Eighteenth birthday is coming up...” Sirius stretched and put his arms behind his head as they walked on.

“Hmm... you don’t say.” Remus said shoving Sirius off his balance.

“Big one...” Sirius added falling forward.

“Give it up, Pads... we’re not telling you what we have planned.” James had his arm around Lily as they continued walking. “Just be patient, alright?”

“At least give me a small hint?” Sirius wrapped his arms through Remus’s open arm.

Remus smiled and shook his head.

They continued walking forward until they made it to The Three Broomsticks. Madame Rosmerta perked up as the group came in.

“Oh! Sirius Black!” She leaned down across the counter.

“Hiya there, lovely.” Sirius smiled at her giving that huge flirtatious smile that he knew she loved.

“Oh you’re such a charmer.” She giggled. “First rounds on me then love.” She began pouring them all ales and Sirius grabbed them all up giving her a wink before heading towards his friends in the farthest corner of tavern.

“You are such a bloody flirt.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Well, it gets us free drinks, doesn’t it.” He slid a pint of ale to Remus who nodded a thanks.

“Now about a special birthday coming up?” Sirius asked leaning in towards his friends.

Lily rolled her eyes. “You are absolutely relentless, Black.”

“Oh you’re just seeing the half of it, love.” Sirius winked at Lily and took a long gulp of ale. He looked over at Remus who was staring at him. Sirius reached over and grabbed Remus’s wrist, running his fingers across the ridges of a scar before tugging his hand closer only for a moment. They both smiled and looked down then. 

“Why is everyone staring at us?” Peter asked looking around.

“Well, we are marauders after all. Not to mention Head Boy and Head Girl are snogging, Remus is a prefect, and I am the castle’s resident heartthrob.”

“It’s weird... I feel like we never get this much attention.” Peter added finished his ale.

“Calm down, Wormtail. It’s no big deal.” James smiled before pressing a kiss to Lily’s neck as she giggled.

“Why do you get to be the castle’s resident heartthrob. You’re not even available. I’m available.” Peter glared over at the other students who were trying to pretend not to watch.

Sirius rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. “Fine Peter... I relinquish my title to you.”

Peter seemed to perk up to that.

“Can I ask you something?” Remus asked as they were wrapped up in each other.

Sirius lifted his head from Remus’s chest to show he was listening.

“Do you ever wish that you were with a girl?” Remus asked.

“Oh come off it, Moony.” Sirius whispered leaning forward and pressing his lips to Remus’s neck to prove his point.

“I’m serious...” Remus sat up. “It would be easier, wouldn’t it?”

Sirius thought for a long moment. “I suppose it would be easier... but that doesn’t mean I would want it. I want you, that’s it Rem... End of...”

Remus sighed and nodded.

James groaned. “For Merlin’s sake, if you’re going to be sappy at least use a silencing charm so the rest of us can sleep.”

They both snickered and did as they were told.

“I love you, you idiot...” Sirius kissed Remus just the way he knew drove him mad.

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. “Alright! Alright!”

Sirius climbed the steps to his dorm room alone after quidditch, James already off with Lily. He opened the door and flopped onto his bed immediately.

“Hey,” Remus was leaned against the bed frame of his own bed with a mess of books about him.

Sirius perked up and walked over. “Hey... I thought you were in the library doing revisions.”

Remus shook his head. “All the good spots were taken so I just came back up here.” He was scribbling on a piece of parchment, a book being levitated in front of his face.

Sirius leaned in underneath the book.

Remus looked at him and smiled. “Hey...” Remus said again dreamily.

Sirius kissed him before climbing up into his lap. The book thudded to the ground as Remus dropped his scroll and diverted his attention wrapping his strong arms around Sirius.

“You are very persistent Mister Black.” Remus said.

Sirius pressed another kiss to Remus. “You love it.”

“I do...” Remus whispered pulling Sirius even closer to him as Sirius pressed down firmly in Remus’s lap, relishing in the sharp intake in breath it earned him.

“Sirius...” Remus whispered.

“Hmm...” Sirius said as innocently as he could as his fingers unbuttoned Remus’s shirt.

“Lock the door.” Remus said quietly.

Sirius shot up and stared at Remus. “Really?”

Remus blushed and shrugged his shoulders. “The moon is waning, suppose its a good a time as any to try, right?”

“Yes. Of course it is!” Sirius jumped up and locked the door, making sure to place a strong silencing charm on it before walking to his own bed and sitting on it. Remus watched him for a moment before standing up and crossing the room to Sirius’s clear bed. He climbed onto the bed slowly and drew the curtains.

Sirius pulled Remus on top of him as their lips met once again. Their clothes we being discarded in a flurry of movements as Sirius climbed into Remus lap kissing down his neck, sucking bruises into his skin.

Remus grasped at Sirius’s arms, holding him back. “Wait... wait...” he whispered. Remus let out a long sigh and met Sirius’s eyes, they had once again filled with panic. “I can’t... I can’t...” his chest was rising and falling. “It’s too much... I can feel the desperation.”

“Moony...” Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus to calm him. “You’re alright love... it’s alright... please we can take it slow...”

Remus let out a low moan before he pushed Sirius off of him slowly. Remus looked above Sirius’s head for a long moment. “I can’t... I’m sorry.” Remus left his bed grabbing his clothes as he went, Sirius too shocked to stop him as the door open and shut.

He closed his eyes and let his head flop down on the pillow. “Shit...”

He searched through the halls, map in hand before finally coming to the quidditch broom cupboard. He knocked loudly.

“Prongs...” he called. “Please... I know you’re in there...”

The door opened and James was standing there red faced. “Sirius... are you fucking kidding me? If you have the map then you know... what’s wrong?”

Sirius hadn’t realized that he had started crying. “I really need some help.”

James sighed. “Give me a minute.” he shut the door and two minutes later reappeared. “Alright, come on.”

“You just leaving Lily in there then?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, you owe me.” James said.

They walked in silence for a long time before Sirius pulled out a cigarette lighting it with his wand end and leaned against the stairs on the castle’s edge. “It’s Remus... he’s struggling with... he doesn’t want to...you know...”

“Are you asking me advice on your love life?” James asked.

“Come on, Prongs... I’m desperate and you’re my best friend.”

“Okay,” James crossed his arms and got his best listening face on. “He freaks out if we even come close to sex. I mean we could be fully clothed and he would freak out. But today we... we were going to actually do it. And he just up and left.”

“Have you never?” James asked.

“No... And we’ve been together for two bloody years. And I want to be patient and wait for him to be ready. But I don’t know if he will even allow himself to anymore.”

“Do you know why?” James asked.

Sirius hesitated, he hadn’t thought about the fact that he may have to reveal a secret he was sure Remus didn’t want revealed. “It’s complicated. Moon complicated...”

James looked at him for a moment before his eyes went wide and he nodded. “I bet that’s really scary for him, the fear of losing control with you.”

“I know it is, but I don’t know how to assure him and help him through it.” Sirius drew in on the cigarette, letting the smoke out slowly.

“I don’t know, Pads. You know him better than anyone.” James shrugged. “Maybe just talk to him about it?”

“I’ve tried that, I’ve tried being patient. I never press for it. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well... I know one thing...” James said. “Remus is probably really upset at himself. Maybe you should go and find him.”

Sirius let out a long sigh because of course James was right. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Thanks Prongs.”

“Always.” James turned and began walking back the way they came. Sirius stood there for a good long while sucking in the fumes of the cigarette. He finally tossed the butt and began walking towards the library, not needing the map to know where Remus was.


	32. Right Here With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings: talk of illness and death.
> 
> Discussion of unhealthy sex.
> 
> Also sex.

Chapter Thirty-Two

“Idiot...” Remus said out loud to himself. He had run away from his problems, and from Sirius. Remus ran his hands through his hair before dropping his head on his arms. How long would Sirius continue waiting for him to be ready? He felt terrible, he shouldn’t have just up and left Sirius like that. He was sure Sirius felt even worse than he did. “I’m such a fucking idiot...” he groaned out.

“That may be a fair assessment...”

Remus’s head shot up to see Sirius standing before him. Sirius smiled before casting a silencing charm and sitting down next to Remus amongst the dusty tomes of the back of library.

“Why’d you leave, Moony?” he asked looking down at the floor.

Remus sighed and leaned his head against his arms. “I don’t know. I’m sorry Sirius, I shouldn’t have left. I just felt so stupid and embarrassed.”

Sirius sighed. “Remus, you can’t just leave when you panic. We have to be able to communicate with each other, if we can’t do that then how is this meant to work?”

Remus said nothing, he kept his head in his arms and nudged closer to Sirius.

“Can we talk about what happened?” Sirius asked. “What made you panic? I felt like things were going so well.”

“They were. It’s complicated though Sirius, I could feel that similar desperation creeping in.”

Sirius was quiet for a moment. “I don’t want to be insensitive to this, Remus... but have you ever considered that maybe that is just going to be a part of it.”

Remus peeked up from his arms.

“I know you don’t like thinking about it, but maybe this is just something we need to work through.”

Remus sighed. “I’m worried you may be right.”

“Then can we try to work through it? Instead of you just giving up and leaving, can we talk about it?”

“Yes...” Remus said.

Sirius sighed and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket.

Remus huffed out a laugh and pointed his wand towards the window high above them then brought his wand to the end of the little white stick as Sirius sucked in. He handed it to Remus who did the same.

“Can you tell me what you feel? You’ve said it’s a desperate need to be with me. But is it bad?” Sirius asked.

Remus blew out the smoke, meeting eyes with the floor. “It’s hard to describe...”

“Try?”

Remus supposed Sirius deserved an explanation. “It feels like this intense desire to overpower you and to just take you with no concern of you or how you feel.” Remus shivered. He hated vocalizing this, he hated that this feeling was in him.

Sirius sighed. “But you don’t.”

“Yeah, because I end things. I don’t know if I would be able to control that aspect of myself if I didn’t end things.”

“I know you could.” Sirius was staring at him now, but Remus couldn’t take his eyes off the floor. “Remus, you have so little faith in yourself. But I know that you would never do anything to hurt me.”

“How do you know?” Remus said. “It feels like the way the wolf feels when he sees you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and took a long inhale in again, letting the smoke out slowly. “Remus. I just know. I know you, and I want you to trust me.”

Remus said nothing for a long time. “I feel like I’ve gotten so scared of those feelings that the instant I feel anything I just panic. I don’t know how to make that better.”

“Talk to me about it. We can work through all of this if you’ll just talk to me. But nothing is going to get fixed if you up and leave every time we get close, Moony.”

“I know...” Remus said finally gathering the courage to meet Sirius’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Sirius.”

“Forgiven.” Sirius said leaned against Remus who moved his arm so Sirius could rest his head right in the crook of his neck. “Love you you idiot.”

Remus smiled and pulled Sirius closer. “Love you too.”

Things were easier after that, but they had been avoiding being alone for the most part, trying to push off the inevitable it seemed. They were all sat in the Great Hall for breakfast when the post came flying in.

The Lupin Family owl dropped a small letter down by Remus, which surprised everyone. Remus looked at the letter for a long time, before looking over to Sirius.

Sirius wiped his hands on his napkin before grabbing the letter and opening it. He scanned it. “Nothing too terrible.”

“Can you read it to me, please?” Remus was staring down at his food.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Remus, I’ve decided to retire from my ministry job. Mum wishes you well. Dad.”

“Why is he retiring?” Lily asked.

Remus stared down at his food. “Mum isn’t doing well then. She must need more care.”

Sirius squeezed his hand tightly before handing him back the letter. Remus took a deep breath before standing up. “I need to speak with McGonagall. I’d like to go home for a couple of days to check in.”

Remus began walking away towards the transfiguration room. “Remus, wait...” Sirius was following behind him. “Are you alright?”

Remus took a deep breath. “I’m afraid,” he whispered.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Sirius asked.

“Would you be willing to?” Remus asked.

“Do you even have to ask?” Sirius smiled and they continued walking together.

McGonagall had given permission, to both Remus and Sirius even though she tried arguing against Sirius, but before long they were on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, two small bags packed for a quick trip to Remus’s home.

Remus held his hand out to Sirius who grabbed it willingly as they apparated to the far off town just North of Cornwall. Remus took a deep breath as he knocked on the door to his childhood home.

Lyall answered and gave Remus a brief shoulder squeeze before looking over to Sirius with confusion.

“Dad, you remember my friend Sirius Black?” Remus offered as they stepped in. “Just came to keep me company.”

“Ah... well any friend of Remus is welcome then. I’ll make you a spare bed.”

“Where’s mum?” Remus asked.

Lyall motioned towards their bedroom as he walked away.

Sirius squeezed Remus’s shoulder. “I’m right here with you, alright?”

Remus took comfort in Sirius’s firm grip on him and slowly walked towards his mother’s room. She was sleeping when they came in and Remus pulled up a chair and sat quietly beside her. She had gotten even skinnier since he left only two months earlier for the school year.

She stirred and looked up, starting to see Remus sitting in front of her. She smiled and reached her hand out, which he took in his. “What are you doing home already? Christmas isn’t until next month.”

“Only here for a couple of days mum, I just wanted to check up on you.” Remus replied kissing her hand.

“Oh my sweet boy, you have always been so good to me.” Her eyes turned lazily to Sirius and she cocked her head.

“Mum, you remember Sirius Black. He’s my friend from school?” Remus said as Sirius stepped forward.

Wheels seemed to be turning in Hope Lupin’s mind before she finally just smiled and nodded to Sirius.

“Sirius?” Remus called to him. “You awake?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said from the mattress on the floor.

“Come sleep with me, please?” Remus whispered.

Sirius got up and climbed into Remus’s bed, immediately nuzzling into his shoulder as Remus turned to him and pulled him close.

“You alright?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know... I can’t imagine a world without her.” Remus whispered.

“I know, love.” Sirius’s eyes were closed.

“Sirius,” Remus asked again.

“Hmm...”

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” Remus wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius.

“Me too.” Sirius leaned up and pressed a kiss to Remus, so soft and sweet it made Remus’s stomach turn as the familiar smell of woodsmokeand lavender permeated the room.

Remus pressed his lips harder against Sirius’s, allowing himself to be held even tighter. He trusted Sirius with his life, he knew that, and he wanted to trust him with this too.

“Sirius...” Remus whispered, his voice already hoarse with desire.

Sirius looked at him with those crystal blue eyes.

“Are you sure?” Sirius whispered.

“Yes...” Remus breathed as Sirius pulled him in even closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to point out that I chose to give Remus these fears because he already thinks of himself as a monster and to me they just fit. However, that does not mean that Remus would ever actually want to do anything non-consensual with Sirius. If anything Remus is overthinking normal desire and adding fear to the fire. So, just so we’re all on the same page. Remus does not want to nor would he ever do anything non-consensual to Sirius.


	33. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: sex, drug use.

Chapter Thirty Two

It was messy perfection, Sirius was sure of that. He would look back on Remus like this forever, hair messy, pupils blown wide, his hands in Sirius’s hair, and on Sirius’s back, and on Sirius’s hips. His mouth parted as he pressed kisses into Sirius’s chest and neck, peppering them up his jaw. Sirius could stay like this forever.

Sirius was nestled into Remus’s arms afterwards, listening to the soft thud of his heartbeat, their skin sticking together. Remus let out a long sigh.

“You’re perfect.” He whispered into Sirius’s hair.

Sirius wrapped himself tighter around Remus. “I love you,” he whispered.

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’s hair.

“What are you thinking about?” Sirius asked.

Remus smiled. “Just thinking about when I knew that it was you.”

Sirius laughed and lifted his head up to look at Remus. “Do you want to know mine?”

Remus nodded and leaned on his elbows.

“Third Year. When you planned and orchestrated that mass engorgio charm on all of the Slytherin house food during breakfast...”

Remus burst out laughing.

Sirius laughed too, “That was when I knew. All I could think watching you was damn... he’s special.”

Remus was still laughing his hand now covering his face.

“What was yours?”

Remus bit his lip and tucked a stray curl behind Sirius’s ear. “Second Year. When you wouldn’t let up on what was wrong with me.”

Sirius chuckled as his fingers ran across one of the long scars on Remus’s chest. “You hated that.”

“I didn’t hate it, I was scared. But I also thought that no one had cared about me like that. And you never wavered after finding out. You continued to make me feel like I was wanted and important.”

Sirius smiled and looked down at the silvery scars.

“I didn’t realize what I was feeling then, but I think that was when I knew.”

Sirius ran his fingers the length of the longest scar traveling from the top of Remus’s collar bone all the way down to his hip. Remus’s body was messy and jagged, silver scars criss-crossing across his torso and down his legs and arms. His fingers and hands had bite marks all across them and his face had three long scars going down and parting at his lips. He was the most beautiful creature Sirius had ever seen none the less.

They spent breakfast with Remus’s parents, his mother chatting away happily, clearly overjoyed to have the company. Remus and his father had gone out to the back garden after breakfast, leaving Sirius to sit next to Hope on the couch.

“You’re a good friend, coming all this way with Remus.” she said patting her hand against Sirius’s knee.

Sirius smiled and looked down at her small hand. “Remus is a good friend.”

Hope beamed at that, pride welling up in her eyes at the thought of her son.

“He’s a good man.” she whispered. “He deserves every good thing in the world.”

Sirius nodded his head, hoping it would be enough. He reached down and grabbed her hand and she squeezed it hard.

“He deserves to be happy with someone.” She continued. She smiled up at Sirius who stared at her for a long moment before slowly nodding his head again. “He’s my son. I can see it.”

Sirius looked down at his knees.

“You make him happy, that’s all I care about. I’m thankful that I get to see him happy.” She patted Sirius’s hand with hers.

“He makes me happy too.” Sirius said quietly.

“Good...” she closed her eyes and Sirius thought maybe she had fallen asleep.

He stood up slowly and went to the kitchen putting on the kettle for tea.

“Will you promise me something, Sirius?” she said softly from the den.

He walked back out with tea for her. He nodded and sat down once again.

“Take care of him.” She said. “He acts so strong, but he’s scared. Will you take care of him?”

“Always,” Sirius said. He knew it was the truth even at seventeen he knew that was the truth.

Hope smiled and put her hand to Sirius cheek, meeting his eyes, the same hazel eyes of the boy that he was so desperately in love with. “You’re a good man too.”

They walked the distance back to the castle after disapparating. “Dad says he doesn’t think she’ll make it too far past Christmas.” Remus said.

Sirius nodded and grabbed Remus’s hand.

“Will you come for Christmas?” Remus asked. “I know you usually go with James but—“

“Of course I will Moony.” Sirius said.

“Are you sure?” Remus asked looking at him.

Sirius smiled and glanced around at the empty walkway. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Remus’s lips. “Yes.”

Sirius’s birthday had arrived quickly after that and it had been quiet until that evening. The marauders plus Lily Dorcas and Marlene all accosted him directly after lessons.

“Time to go then.” James and Remus both grabbed an arm and began leading Sirius through the halls forcing him to be blindfolded for far too long.

“Bloody hell, we’ve been walking for ages. And clearly we’re in the tunnel to Hogsmeade.” Sirius ripped the blindfold off.

“Shit...” Peter said.

“So what’s the plan then? Hog’s Head?” Sirius asked.

“Nope.” James smiled that very distinct marauders smile. “Better.”

Sirius looked between his friends.

“You’re going to love it, Pads.” Remus said lacing their fingers together.

They finally made it to Hogsmeade. “We want to do side-alongs or all separate?” James asked.

“I’ll take Sirius.” Remus said.

James’s smile had only grown more and more wild. “Alright then, meet you there.”

With multiple loud cracks all of their friends disappeared.

“You gonna tell me?” Sirius asked reaching for his hand.

“And ruin the surprise? Absolutely not.” Remus said before they begin spinning through space. They landed in a dark alleyway. Everyone was there all looking slightly rumpled.

“Ready?” They asked.

“Yeah, obviously. Where are we?” Sirius said.

“London.” Remus said like it was just as casual as the common room. They walked out of the alleyway to the glistening cobblestone. A huge crowd had seemed to gather around a concert hall. Sirius couldn’t take it all in fast enough.

“Sirius, look.” Lily pointed towards the large marquee.

Sirius looked up to see in big black letter two of the most beautiful words he had ever seen.

“You’re joking. You’ve got to be joking me?” He thought he could cry as realization struck that they were waiting for a concert.They were in line for the Sex Pistols.

His friends were all smiles. “Oh... you beautiful bastards. I could kiss all of you.”

They all laughed as they continued through the queue. Sirius was bouncing with energy as they entered through the long arches, he allowed himself to be pulled further towards the front. The concert hall smelled of stale beer and cigarettes, Sirius would engrain it into his mind for years to come he was sure.

“Where the fuck are we tonight?” Johnny Lydon yelled into the mic.

The crowd erupted with screams as they began. The guitar vibrating through Sirius.

‘I am an anti-Christ’

‘I am an anarchist’

‘Don’t know what I want’

‘But I know how to get it’

‘I want to destroy the passerby’

‘Cause I want to be anarchy’

‘No dogs body’

They all jumped with the crowd and screamed at the top of their lungs.

‘Body I’m not an animal’

‘Body I’m not an animal!’

Sirius pulled Remus closer to him. “I fucking love you!” he yelled.

Remus laughed. “Good birthday then?” He threw his arm around Sirius.

“You are brilliant!” Sirius said against his skin. “You’re bloody brilliant!”

They continued singing along even when they didn’t know the words to the songs. Sirius hung a cigarette from his lips motioning towards a muggle who lit it for him.

“Cheers!” He yelled to the guy taking a long drag in before passing it to Remus.

The girls came back with beers and shots of vodka which made Sirius head burn.

“Where you lot from then?” The muggle asked.

“Essex mostly.” Lily yelled to him.

Sirius shoved a beer towards the guy. “Cheers, mate. Have some of this,” he offered a rolled joint.

“Fag?” Sirius asked.

“Nah... skunk.” The boy said.

Sirius shrugged and took a long inhale, he handed it over to Remus who took an equally long inhale.

Sirius’s head felt foggy and warm after that.

“Fuck that was good,” he yelled to the guy who had joined in their group.

“You never had it before?” The guy asked.

Sirius shook his head. “We go to private school. Not much there.”

“Fuck... some private school swots at a Sex Pistols concert?” The guy took another beer from Remus who had just walked back with another round. “Cheers.”

The young man reached into his pocket and handed Sirius another joint. “A parting gift then.” He threw his arm around the girl he had come with.

“Thanks mate.” Sirius said pocketing it.

They all swayed out of the concert hall and back to the back alley.

“Should wait a minute for the crowds to die down.” Dorcas said.

Remus was leaned against the wall of the alley, so Sirius leaned up against him and pulled him into a kiss, passerby be damned.

“Happy birthday you wanker.” Remus said as Sirius pulled him closer pressing their lips together harder.


	34. The Black Lake Incident of ‘77

Chapter Thirty-Four

They finally made their way back to the common room to an erupting of noise and cheers of Happy Birthday. It was already after midnight, but Sirius looked absolutely elated. 

Remus shoved another drink into his hands which Sirius took gladly. He had a cigarette lit and hanging out of his mouth as he chatted with some Hufflepuff Seventh Years.

“It was bloody brilliant.” Sirius was retelling the concert in Great detail. Remus leaned against the wall and took the cigarette out of Sirius’s mouth taking a long draw before handing it back.

“You two are pretty close then?” The Hufflepuff girl started. “Rumors true?”

Sirius took a deep breath in and slid his hand around Remus’s waist, letting his fingers slide into his back pocket. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The girls started giggling and Remus just rolled his eyes. Leave it to Sirius to use any means necessary to get attention. But since it was his birthday he would humor him. Remus threw his arm around Sirius pulling him closer.

“Yeah, all just heresy that is. We’re just best mates, right Pads?” Remus said looking down at Sirius letting his lips get close enough to brush Sirius’s hair.

The girls were now in hysterics. And Sirius’s eyes were so bright with glee it had been worth it. “You’re an attention queen.” Remus whispered into Sirius’s hair.

“Too right.” Sirius said back, his other arm now wrapping around Remus.

The party was petering out perfectly, James and Lily had snuck off earlier in the night to who knew where. Peter was now snogging a Ravenclaw sixth year on the couch. He had caught a glimpse of Remus and Sirius who both gave him thumbs up. He flipped them off.

“Love you,” Remus said quietly as only a few people remained. They were now smoking the joint the kid at the concert had given Sirius with two Hufflepuff girls called Anna and Celine.

“Love you,” Sirius said back inhaling the smoke.

“Where did you get the hash?” Celine asked.

“Just some muggle kid at the concert.” Sirius replied. “Honestly I’m not even sure what it is.”

“You prim little pure-blood.” Remus rolled his eyes taking a long drag.

The two girls were laughing. Sirius leaned against Remus as they finished off the joint.

“You have plans after school then?”

“We’re joining the war front.” Sirius said.

The mood became somber. “Hate that it feels like our futures are being ripped away from us.”

“Lets not get into that now,” Anna said. “It’s his birthday. Keep the mood up. Truth or dare Sirius.”

Sirius perked up. “Dare obviously.”

“I dare you to snog Remus right here in the common room.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Make it a challenge.” He sat up and slid into Remus’s lap grabbing his face and pressing their lips together, kissing him slowly, Remus pulled him closer, too stoned to care who may be watching.

The girls were all giggles once again before Sirius finally let up and slid off Remus’s lap. Remus had to take a few deep breaths to get his bearings again.

“Alright then, now you two... go on.” Sirius was motioning towards the two girls.

They erupted into giggles again. “We’re not dating though.”

“Go on!” Sirius pressed further.

The girls were all blushing but Anna leaned in catching her fingers into Celine’s hair before pressing their lips together. 

Remus couldn’t stop laughing now as both girls covered their faces in embarrassment.

“Alright, Remus... truth or dare.”

“Well I don’t trust you lot so... truth?” Remus was feeling his cheeks get hot.

“Why do they call you Moony?”

Remus thought for a moment. “Second year I was really obsessed with charting the moon and all that. Just a dumb nickname that stuck.”

Anna huffed. “That was boring. I deserve a re-do.”

“Sorry love... lost your chance. Sirius...”

“Do you even have to ask?” Sirius was leaned against Remus again.

Remus smiled and closed his eyes. “Alright... get naked and jump into the lake.”

The girls squealed with glee.

Sirius’s eyes were wide. “You’re evil.” He was smiling. “Alright let’s go.”

The four of them snuck out the Gryffindor common room, the Hufflepuff girls leading the way. They were all quiet giggles as they ran out past the gardens further towards the lake.

“What about the squid?”

“Don’t worry about the squid.” Sirius was confidently sauntering towards the lake now. He turned to the girls and wiggled his eye brows as he flung his shirt and shoes off. “Close your eyes ladies.” He unbuttoned his pants and both girls squealed hiding their eyes. Remus was now in hysterics doubled over laughing.

“Fuck... it’s cold!” Sirius complained now shielding himself from the girls. “Alright, Moony... joining in?”

“Absolutely not.” Remus said.

Sirius simply shrugged his shoulders and turned hauling towards the water at full speed.

“Oh Merlin he’s actually going for it isn’t he?” Celine cried.

“He doesn’t back down from a challenge.” Remus was watching, the silver of scarred words down his back barely visible in the dark night sky.

Sirius in all his pale glory leapt into the water face first, and all three of them began sobbing with laughter. Remus grabbed his clothes up from the ground as they began running towards him.

“Bloody hell! It’s freezing!” Sirius was running out, no longer concerned about his nudity in front of the two Hufflepuffs.

“That was wicked, Sirius!”

“Mister Black!” A shrill voice called out.

All their eyes went wide as Remus threw Sirius his clothes. He cast a drying spell on himself quickly and began throwing his clothes on.

“Explain yourselves!” McGonagall was screeching at them, her face red with anger.

The two Hufflepuff girls were shocked staring up at the Gryffindor head, clearly they had never been yelled at properly by Minerva McGonagall before.

“Sorry Minnie, it was a birthday dare.” Sirius said still all smiled as he threw his shirt back on.

“Miss Arnold, Miss Carlow... I expected more from two Hufflepuff prefects. Ten points each and two weeks detention. And you two...” she turned on the two boys. Remus couldn’t take it anymore and started laughing all over again, which only caused Sirius to start as well. “I see you find this very comical. Twenty points each, Lupin two weeks detention, Black... one month.” Remus almost thought he saw a crinkle in her lips. “Now get back to your houses this instant all of you.”

They were all silent for a moment before Remus began chuckling again. Which caused them all to begin again. “That was bloody brilliant, Sirius.”

“Worth the month of detention.” Sirius grabbed Remus and pulled him closer.

Remus felt giddy and flung Sirius over his shoulder and began running at full speed. Sirius grabbed him tight and nuzzled into Remus as they continued running.

“Does it still count as my birthday?” Sirius whispered into Remus’s hair.

“Anything you want, love.” Remus said back.

They walked back to the tower after walking the girls to the hufflepuff common room and almost immediately Sirius plastered himself against Remus. They clumsily made their way up the stairs and into their dorm, immediately falling into Remus’s bed.

“Muffliato,” Remus said clumsily as Sirius fumbled with his pants pulling them down.

Immediately the intense smell of Sirius began to burn through Remus, igniting his blood.

“Sirius...” Remus groaned gripping at his hips. He looked at Sirius then, the panic trying to push its way out of him.

Sirius kept his eyes on Remus wrapped his arms around Remus’s shoulders, his hands running through his hair. Remus could feel the desperation clawing at him. “Sirius I...”

Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’s lips. “I trust you, Moony.”


	35. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Padfoot being Remus’s support animal. I love them. Okay.

Chapter Thirty-Five

The curtains ripped open.

“You jumped into the Black Lake naked?” A girls voice was yelling.

Sirius’s eyes lulled open, his head threatening to split open. He focused harder on the fiery mess of red hair in front of him.

“Lily! What the hell?” Remus cried pulling the blankets up over the two of them, Sirius still not registering that he was completely nude and exposed.

“You jumped into the black lake... naked?” Lily asked again.

“And without us?” James was now standing over them too.

Finally Sirius woke up enough. “I’m very naked right now,” he said rather nonchalantly. “Give us a minute, love.”

Lily huffed and shut the curtains again. “Fuck my head is going to rip open.” Sirius complained snuggling into Remus’s arm.

“Lily just saw us completely naked... How am I meant to look her in the eyes now.”

“Doubt she was looking Moony.” Sirius said.

“I wasn’t!” Lily called from outside the curtain. “Now get up!”

“You’re going to need to leave then...” Remus added. “I’m not getting up until.”

“Oi... you kicking my girlfriend out of the room?” James shoved his head back into the curtains.

“James I am nude.” Remus argued. He could hear Lily snickering as she walked out shutting the door.

Remus sat up leaving Sirius to groan into the pillows. He put pants on quickly before James once again opened the door for Lily.

“You got detention?” She had her arms crossed.

“I’m more angry that you did it without us.” Peter was just rolling out of his own bed.

“Too loud.” Sirius grumbled from the bed.

Remus threw a shirt on and shrugged his shoulders. “It was a dare and you lot were all a bit busy. Speaking of... Peter what happened with that Ravenclaw girl?”

Peter blushed. “Her name is Aurora and we’re going to Hogsmeade this weekend together.”

“Don’t change the subject Remus Lupin. We’re school prefects. We have to exude exemplary behavior. I mean at the very least don’t get caught.” Lily said.

“So fucking loud...” Sirius snapped covering his head with a pillow.

“To be fair, I didn’t get naked and jump into the lake.” Remus said. “And besides, I’m not head boy. And you can bet Prongs would have jumped in.”

“You’re not wrong.” James said from his bed.

Sirius ripped open the curtain. “I’m hungover, and you’re all being so loud!”

Lily crossed her arms before laughing. “Fine. Fine. Get up Black, we’re going to miss breakfast if you don’t rally.”

Remus shoved a pair of knickers towards Sirius closing the curtains again. Sirius burst through the curtains once he was covered, walking towards his chest of drawers.

Lily gasped and walked over touching her fingertips to his spine, running down his scarred back. Sirius stood perfectly still, it was easy to forget the scars when he couldn’t see them.

“Who did this to you?” She whispered.

Sirius swallowed hard. “My mother,” he said. He turned back quickly his clothing in tow. “S’alright, Evans. She’s a bitch and that’s why I’ve been adopted into the Potter family.”

“Sorry.” Lily was staring at him blinking back tears.

Sirius shrugged. “Rather be a blood-traitor than a death eater anyways.”

They all walked down the steps and into the Great Hall. Remus waved at the two Hufflepuffs motioning for them to come sit with the marauders.

“Anna, Celine... the group. Group... Anna and Celine.” Sirius said holding his head in his hands as Remus shoved a massive cup of black coffee at him.

“We have Transfiguration and History of Magic together, right?” Peter asked.

“Yep, not that these pricks noticed.” Celine said accepting a cup of coffee from James.

“To be fair... I never notice trivial things like that.” Sirius was scooping fried eggs and bacon onto his plate.

The two hufflepuffs started to join the marauders more frequently as their friendship had already been solidified by the black lake incident.

“We’re having a party tonight in the Hufflepuff common room. You lot should join.” Anna said as they walked back from transfiguration.

“Can’t do tonight.” Sirius said. “The girls may join though. We lot are up to Marauders business. Very secret.”

Anna giggled. “You pretend to be so secretive, but there’s a rumor floating around that whenever you four sneak off you’re just holed up playing gobstones somewhere and only disappear to keep up appearances”

“Is that the rumor?” Sirius said glancing towards Remus. Remus gave him a smile and ran his fingers down Sirius’s arm. “Well be sure to set them straight then.”

They all sat in the shrieking shack waiting for the change to start. “Anna and Celine are cool, eh?” Sirius asked.

James and Peter both nodded. Remus was lying down on the bed with his eyes closed. They had left early to have some time just the four of them, a very rare occurrence now.

Remus groaned from the bed sitting up. “Pads.”

Sirius immediately turned into Padfoot and walked over to Remus who buried his head into Sirius’s soft fur.

“You think Celine is single?” Peter asked.

“Whatever happened with Aurora?” James asked stretching out.

“Just keeping my options open, mate. Not all of us are ready to settle down.”

Remus let out a gruff laugh. “Since when did Wormtail become such a bloody ladies man?”

Padfoot wagged his tail at that. He licked at Remus’s fingers before resting his head against Remus’s legs.

“Moony... should we change?” James asked.

Remus groaned again before standing up and sliding out of his clothes.He sat down on the floor and held his hand out towards Padfoot who sat close to him as the fever began to take hold.

“Yeah... should probably change now.” Remus whispered. His hands were fisted in Padfoot’s fur.

Padfoot couldn’t help but let a whimper out, Remus wrapped his arms around the dog, holding him close. He groaned low and deep finally having to let go of Sirius as he was forced down onto all fours. Padfoot didn’t leave his side as his groans turned slowly into screams. This part hadn’t gotten easier in the two years since they started joining. Padfoot nudged Remus’s boiling hot body with his nose, letting another whimper out as fur erupted from Remus’s body and his spine began to elongate. The screams grew louder as the pain became more unbearable, turning from desperate screams to wounded howls slowly. Finally the wolf was transformed, breathing heavy and whimpering. He sniffed the air before locking eyes with Padfoot, scenting him happily.

Prongs lowered himself to be below the wolf who scented him too. Wormtail scurried out and let the wolf out. Padfoot led him slowly, Prongs trailing behind, sure not to get between Wolf Moony and Padfoot.

The Wolf seemed grateful for his pack today, running and chasing them. He raced further ahead, Padfoot close on his heels. The Wolf stopped occasionally to scent Padfoot, before continuing to run. They lead him back slowly towards the shrieking shack, the wolf crawling slowly and lying down, Padfoot immediately resting his own head against the wolf’s thick fur. The wolf whimpered as his body began to shrink once again until Remus was fully transformed naked and gasping for air. He wrapped himself around Padfoot, his hot tears wetting down his fur.

James and Peter had changed back, but Sirius stayed like that for a long time until Remus was finally breathing normal again. He transformed quickly after that and grabbed Remus’s clothes laying them next to him on the floor. He put his hands to Remus’s fevered shoulder.

“You alright, Moony?” He whispered.

Remus’s eyes were still closed but he nodded slowly.

“We should go.” James reached for Sirius’s shoulder.

Remus grasped for Sirius’s hand, gripping it tightly.

“You lot go, just leave me the cloak.” Sirius said. James handed over his invisibility cloak and he and Peter left.

Sirius sat down on the floor, running his fingers up and down Remus’s arms, humming a soft tune to help soothe Remus back into comfort.

Remus seemed to sniff the air, he laid his head back down. “Pomfrey’s in the tunnel.” He croaked out.

Sirius nodded and pressed a kiss to Remus’s temple. He stood up and covered himself in the invisibility cloak as Madame Pomfrey’s steps grew louder.

She unlocked the door. “Oh Remus, dear...” she dropped down to the ground next to him. “You’re still burning up. Come on love.” She helped him up as he reached for his clothes.

Remus paused as he pulled his jeans up before turning away and vomiting.

“Scourgify,” Madame Pomfrey said putting her hands to his back.

Sirius bit at his lips watching it unfold. They usually left before Pomfrey got there, was it always this taxing on him? He followed them silently as she helped him to the castle. “You’ll feel much better with rest. Always mends you right up. Healing potion and sleeping draft will do the trick.”

Sirius followed all the way to the hospital wing, before finally sneaking into a corridor and shedding the cloak, tucking it into his jacket and walking in and sitting down next to Remus who had already fallen asleep. He ran his fingers down Remus’s arm.

“He’ll be better with rest, dear.” Madame Pomfrey whispered to Sirius touching his shoulder. “Stay as long as you like.”

Sirius smiled to her and laid his head against the bed, his eyes feeling heavy immediately. He looked up to Remus once more, he was the most beautiful piece of any puzzle, Sirius was certain.


	36. Christmas at the Lupins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a soft Christmas chapter.

Chapter Thirty Six

Christmas Seventh Year

“Fuck... what should I buy for your parents?” Sirius asked as they searched Hogsmeade.

Remus just laughed. “You don’t need to get them anything.”

Sirius looked to Remus in shock. “Remus John Lupin. I am a well-bred pure blood, I cannot attend a Christmas without proper gifts. What would your mum like?”

“Anything with simple magic,” Remus bit his lip closing his eyes thinking about his mother made him feel desperately ill now. “She loves small magic.”

Sirius picked up a turning snowstorm that glittered and shone with Hogwarts. “This is all so bloody campy.”

James chuckled, his fingers laced in Lily’s. “Just get her a nice book or some tea. Still can’t believe you’re cheating on me with Moony.”

They all had a good laugh at that. “When are we leaving?” Sirius asked.

“Not till after the moon. Told dad that I was just going to wait out the moon here. He still doesn’t know that you all know about it, so seemed like the best option.”

“We can wait too Moony,” Peter offered. “Not like we can’t just apparate home afterwards.”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t want you to have to miss the train, but if you want to join it could be fun.”

“Do your parents know about the two of you?” Lily asked.

Remus shrugged. “I guess mum does. Had a little conversation with Pads that is last time. Don’t reckon dad knows though. Not really sure how he’d react to be honest.”

“Why? Because you’re with a boy?” Lily asked.

“Not sure its that or simply because he doesn’t think its safe for me to have a partner.”

“What a load of rubbish,” Sirius added. “S’not like you’re dangerous apart from one night a month, and even then.”

“Then I could be very dangerous, but fortunately we’ve gotten that bit sorted for now.” Remus grabbed Sirius’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Honestly not sure he needs to know anyways. I don’t owe it to him to share that part of myself with him.”

“But don’t you want to be honest with your parents? I mean your best friend from school is coming home with you for Christmas and sleeping in your bed with you, do you not think they’ll figure it out anyways?” James said.

Remus rolled his eyes, James didn’t understand of course. His parents were loving and accepting no matter what. He could come home with a vampire throuple and they would just smile and nod.

“Remus is right, he doesn’t owe his father an explanation into his relationship if he doesn’t want to.” Lily reached over and touched Remus’s arm.

The moon was good, the marauders all stayed and they ran one last time before break. Remus didn’t want to think about what would happen come school leave. How would they all be able to sneak away for moons? Would he have to find a new place to transform where no one could hear his screams?

“Feel free to come by anytime, whenever you want.” James hugged Remus and then Sirius. “My parents are already forcing you all to come for the New Year.”

“See you soon then,” Remus said hugging Peter before they both apparated away. They stood their for a long while, Sirius adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “Ready?”

Sirius smiled and reached for Remus’ hand as they disapparated away to his small childhood home. They landed in the back garden and Sirius fixed his hair before nodding again.

Remus opened the back door slowly. “Mum? Dad? We’re here.” he called grabbing Sirius’s bag and dropping it into his room.

“In here!” he heard Lyall call from the bedroom across the hall. He opened the door readying himself for the sight.

His mother was lying in bed, her cheeks gaunt and her skin completely void of the soft rosiness Remus had grown up with. Lyall was seated next to her, a book in his lap.

“Remus, come here let me look at you.” She reached a skinny hand out.

Remus smiled and took his mother’s hand in his. “You look well.” He reached down and kissed the top of her head.

Sirius was hanging back by the door before Remus looked over and motioned for him to come in too. “Mum, you remember Sirius?”

She smiled and reached her other hand out. Sirius grabbed it willingly.

“Thank you for allowing me to stay for Christmas.” He was so proper in front of parents.

“Of course. I’m shocked your parents let you. Didn’t mind you coming here?”

Sirius smiled and shook his head.

“We’ll let you rest, dear.” Lyall said standing up as Hope let out a yawn.

“Sorry boys, I’ll be up and ready for supper though.” She said leaning back in bed. They three men all shuffled out, Lyall walking to the kitchen and putting the kettle on.

“How is she?” Remus asked.

“As good as can be expected.” Lyall motioned for Remus to grab the cups which he did immediately. “They put her on a new medicine that is helping her pain.”

They all sat to tea then, the silence uncomfortable as Sirius sipped his tea. Lyall was watching him closely.

“Your parents are Orion and Walburga?” He asked finally.

Sirius put his tea cup down before nodding. “I don’t speak with them though.”

Lyall gave him an odd look before nodding. “It’s too bad about that. Glad you have such good friends then. You’re welcome here anytime.”

“Thank you Mr. Lupin.” Sirius said nodding into his tea.

“Have plans for after school?” Lyall asked.

Sirius looked over to Remus for lead. Remus sighed. “We’re planning to join in the war front dad.”

Lyall glanced over to the bedroom before lowering his voice. “Getting messy out there.”

Sirius nodded. “It is.”

Lyall shook his head. “This war is terrible. Attacks left and right. Makes me grateful you’re there at Hogwarts and protected. Don’t rightly know how I feel about young men and women throwing their lives away at this war.”

Neither boy said anything.

“But I suppose someone has to fight.” Lyall concluded and that was the end of the conversation.

Supper was meat pies and Remus and Sirius popped out to grab cakes from the cafe down the road.

“I can’t tell if your father likes me or hates me.” Sirius said as Remus paid for the cakes.

Remus couldn’t help but laugh. “Welcome to my life. He’s fine with you, he’s just become a bit of a hermit since... you know...”

Sirius reached for Remus’s wrist pulling him closer as they walked.

“He thinks more of you now that he knows where you stand I think.” Remus admitted. “Sorry... my dad has some prejudices of his own.”

Sirius shrugged. “I’m used to it. Everyone hears Black and assumes. Can’t say I blame them though. I know what my family is.”

“You’re not your family, Sirius.” Remus stopped and looked at him. “You are so much better than they will ever be.”

Sirius took a deep breath, never dropping Remus’s gaze. “Keep talking like that and I’ll have to kiss you right here in the road.”

Remus laughed before glancing every direction pushing Sirius towards a small alcove. He pulled Sirius closer to him by his bright red and gold Gryffindor scarf, pressing their lips together.


	37. The Best Christmas Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another soft Christmas chapter.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Christmas Day

There was a soft knock on the door outside Remus’s room.

“Shit...” Sirius and Remus both said as Sirius began scrambling out of Remus’s bed.

“Just me...” Hope’s soft voice called. “Can I come in?”

Remus extinguished the silencing charm. “Yes.”

Sirius was still climbing out of Remus’s bed regardless, mothers didn’t need to see their sons in bed with anyone he figured.

She opened the door and smiled walking in slowly before sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked good today.

“Happy Christmas,” she said.

“Happy Christmas mum.” Remus said reaching over and kissing her cheek.

“Happy Christmas Mrs. Lupin.” Sirius added.

She smiled at the two of them. “Felt good today, so I’ve made a proper English breakfast.” She paused. “Wizards do eat English breakfast right?”

“Seven days a week.” Sirius smiled at her which made her beam.

“Right then... well I’ll let you two get dressed.” She reached for both of their hands and they immediately obliged.

After she left Sirius climbed back into bed with Remus snuggling against him. “I like your mum. She’s warm.” He whispered into Remus’s skin.

Remus chuckled and took a deep breath. “Yeah, she’s pretty great. C’mon, let’s go out there.”

Sirius yawned and sat up. Remus still leaning back in his small bed. Sirius reached for his bag pulling his pyjama shirt off. Remus leaned forward and ran his fingers down the scar across Sirius’s back. Sirius took in a deep breath leaning into the touch. He loved when Remus touched him. Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’s shoulder letting his head fall onto Sirius.

“You alright?” Sirius asked.

Remus lifted his head up and nodded finally sliding out of bed. “Lets go.”

They sat through breakfast, Mrs. Lupin did seem in better health and high spirits.

“Alright, now, presents.” She handed both boys small wrappedboxes. “Now, I know wizards prefer those awful quills, but...”

She sat back as both boys unwrapped two gold laced fountain pens.

Sirius was stunned into silence. He had never seen a fountain pen. He held it close to him. “Where is the ink?”

Hope laughed, Remus joining in. “It’s already in there, Pads.”

Sirius laughed too as he pressed the pen to a piece of scroll, and flowing black line following the pen down. “Muggles are brilliant.”

Remus and Sirius went for a walk after the morning as Hope rested. They walked until they got to a large snowy park

Sirius turned and raised his eyes brows.

Remus laughed but quickly transfigured a rock into a ball as Sirius transformed and began running. Remus threw the ball as hard as he could as Padfoot raced through the snow to catch it. Padfoot raced back and threw himself into Remus who fell to the ground. Padfoot pranced around him dropping the ball once again.

“Your dog is big.” a small child said behind them.

“He is that.” Remus responded. “He’s tame.” Remus offered.

The little girl had one hand in her mothers hand and the other outstretched. Padfoot walked over and sat, reaching to the girls head. He allowed her to shove her face into his fur.

“He’s so soft. What’s he called?”

“Padfoot.” Remus added.

“What a well behaved dog.” The child’s mother said patting his head as well. Remus chuckled at Padfoots huff. “Did he take long to train?”

“Oh years,” Remus said.

The girl had her head still buried into Padfoot’s fur. “Come on, sweetie. Happy Christmas.”

They both walked away and Padfoot waited until they were once again in his back garden before changing back.

“Years to train is it?” Sirius said shoving Remus.

“Feels like I’’m still training you if I’m honest.” Remus shoved back. “Hey... I uh... I got something for you.” Remus pulled at Sirius’s arms. he handed him a small box. “Its stupid.”

Sirius opened the box and held up two small gold circle hoop earrings with two different moon phases. A waxing crescent and a full moon. Sirius watched them glitter in the winter sunlight.

“They’re perfect.” Sirius handed Remus the box and put them on. “Now I always have the moon.” He hugged Remus. “I’ve got something for you as well. It’s back in the room.”

They walked back in and Sirius immediately went for his bag rummaging through it until he found a box and handed it to Remus. It was perfectly wrapped in red and gold packaging. “I had to get some help from Lily, but I think you’ll love it.”

Remus unwrapped the package to reveal a first edition of The Picture of Dorian Gray.

“Open the cover.” Sirius said.

Remus did so and let his fingers brush across an old signature, in the bottom corner, Oscar Wilde. “You...” Remus said nothing for a long time. “How did you?”

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. “Lily and I had a little field trip.”

“This is too much, Sirius...” Remus ran his fingers over the signature again.

“Bollocks. It is not. I have too much anyways. C’mon Moony, just say thank you and kiss me.” Sirius pulled him closer.

Remus sighed and smiled, shutting the book. “Thank you, Sirius. It’s amazing.”

“Happy Christmas you idiot.” Sirius said. He glanced towards the shut door and wrapped his arms around the back of Remus’s neck pulling him into a kiss.

“Happy Christmas,” Remus whispered back.

They went back into the den and helped Lyall to prepare the Christmas roast, the three men crowded over a recipe book arguing over how to begin before Remus finally lost his patience and began making the potatoes with magic.

“We’re meant to be doing it from scratch.” Lyall crossed his arms before looking over towards the living room and pulling out his own wand.

Sirius laughed as he joined in. They made quick work of a cooking spell and then Lyall followed Sirius and Remus out into the garden.

Sirius pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it wordlessly from his lips breathing in the smoke. He handed it over to Remus who glanced at his dad once before accepting it as well.

“So how is she really?” Remus asked.

Lyall shrugged his shoulders. “She’s doing alright. The muggle doctor thinks she might have a few more months. Just trying my best to keep her happy. Don’t want her worrying much about anything.”

Remus took a long drag of the fag before passing it back to Sirius.

“So do not let her catch you smoking that thing. Either of you.” Lyall put a hand on Remus’s shoulder.

Sirius leaned against Remus, putting his arm around his shoulders. “I know that look, Moony. You’re building that damn wall that puts you a million leagues away.”

Remus sighed and looked over. “Sorry... I just... I don’t know if I’m gonna be... I need her.” he bit at his lips before sitting down on the step.

Sirius followed him down and Remus leaned against him. “I know, love. I know.”

They spent the rest of Christmas holiday spending time with Hope and Lyall. Remus would sit and read to his mother as she rested in her seat. Sirius would sit and watch as a soft tune played over Hope’s small radio.

“So...” she said one night after Lyall had already gone to bed. “Tell me about Hogwarts.”

Remus smiled and closed Dorian Gray. “It’s this massive castle on the Scottish countryside across from a huge lake.”

Sirius reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. Remus stopped and looked down at their fingers before looking over to Sirius. Sirius just smiled and leaned against Remus’s shoulder. Listening as Remus told his mom for what he could only deduce was the thousandth times all the ins and outs of Hogwarts.

“Don’t forget to tell her about daring me to jump into the black lake naked on my birthday.” Sirius mumbled, his eyes closed.

Hope was giggling like a young girl as Remus animated the four of them sneaking out and Sirius leaping into the black lake.

“Oh no... I shouldn’t laugh.” She covered her mouth.

They somehow got to the conversations of animagus and Remus had already begun to tell his mother about his friends becoming animagus. Sirius had only half been listening when he perked up.

“So you can turn into a dog?” She whispered.

Sirius smiled and immediately transformed causing a shocked gasp to come from the small woman. Remus was laughing as Padfoot snuggled against his legs.

“Oh my goodness... this is the most incredible magic I’ve ever seen in my life.” She had her hand to her heart as she reached out and pet Sirius’s soft fur. “Does he know what’s going on?”

Remus nodded to her.

“Why did they go through all the trouble?” Hope asked.

Sirius transformed again and he and Remus met eyes.

Remus took a long breath. “They know about me, mum... about my problem.”

She seemed to understand immediately and Sirius nudged Remus’s elbow.

“They did it so they could help me. So I don’t hurt myself anymore.” Remus said quietly.

Hope looked over to Sirius before reaching over and wrapping him in a tight hug. Sirius put his arms around her too.

“I couldn’t have asked for a better gift than knowing you have people who know you and love you, Remus.” She patted at her eyes. “Oh look at me... this is what age does to you, turns you into a blubbering mess.”

Remus bit down at his lip and reached for Hope. “Love you, mum.”

“Oh my boy... don’t be starting that.” She ran her fingers through his hair.

Sirius reached over and rubbed Remus’s back before Hope reached for him to and pulled him in. “My boys...”

Sirius had to swallow down his own tears then as he rested his head on Remus, Hope Lupin embracing him in her arms as the snow continued to fall effortlessly outside.


	38. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus’s eighteenth birthday. 
> 
> CW: drug use, alcohol use, sex.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Moony’s birthday

The marauders gang had been buzzing about Remus’s birthday since the term began, seeing as his last birthday had been a somber affair.

The plan fell into place with Remus more or less none the wiser. His birthday fell on a Saturday this year, which was a perfect send off to his seven years at Hogwarts.

The morning of the entire Great Hall, apart from the Slytherin table erupted in song, even the teachers joined in as they sang happy birthday to him. Younger students were shaking his hand and Sirius had pinned a birthday badge to his jacket that had been charmed so he could not get it off.

Once in Hogsmeade the entire group apparated to Camden. The girls were all smiles and Lily had pulled out a very posh looking muggle camera and asked a passerby to snap a picture of the lot of them.

They went to a pub and ordered fish and chips and meat pies and loads of ales. They walked down Westminster and Sirius dragged all of them into a tattoo parlor. Marlene and Sirius ended up being the only two brave enough to actually get something. Marlene got a rune that she had to draw out for the artist, and Sirius, as promised when he was 15, got a moon on his forearm.

“Look at how bloody gorgeous it is!” He hadn’t stopped staring at it since the tattoo artist had finished.

“Just sort of looks like a round ball there love.” Marlene said.

“Just you wait until I’ve transfigured it McKinnon, I have big plans for it.” Sirius said still staring down at it.

As the day continued, the marauders plus Lily apparated to Remus’s childhood home where he once again introduced his friends to his mother and father. Hope gave James and Peter long hugs with the knowledge of what they’d done for her son. She gave Sirius an extra-long one and was beaming as James introduced Lily.

They didn’t stay long before apparating back to Hogsmeade where Remus enjoyed sitting in the Three Broomsticks with his friends at their favorite booth.

“Moony, good birthday?” James asked.

Remus finished his butter beer. “Yeah, the best.”

“Makes up for last year, then?” Peter asked.

Remus smiled and nodded. Sirius leaned into him pressing a kiss to his neck. They had gotten far more confident that year, as they were seventh years and more or less ran the school. Anna and Celine joined with their new chaps and they all had a few more rounds of drinks, Sirius kept shoving more beers towards Remus and by the time they began walking back to the castle he was already proper pissed.

“You’ve got to rally Moony, we still have the common room party after all.” Sirius said as Remus leaned against him.

“Fuck...” Remus whispered. “Pads, carry me.”

Sirius burst out laughing, but did stand in front of Remus and lift him up onto his back. “Such a prat.” Sirius said as Remus hung his head down next to him. Lily laughed and snapped a picture with her camera.

“Missed you,” Remus whispered into Sirius’s neck as he carried him back up the steps to the castle.

“Missed you.” Sirius said back, the extra weight causing his voice to stiffen slightly.

“Want you...” Remus whispered even quieter into Sirius’s ear which caused him to stop and take a sharp breath in.

“We’ll catch up with you guys. Gonna just stop and take a break.” He sat Remus down and leaned him against the wall.

Lily was about to offer to wait with them before James grabbed her arms and gave her a crinkled little smile, which in turn made her smile too. “Right... well... s’pose we’ll see you boys soon then.”

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and smiled at him. “Prefects bathroom?”

Remus leaned his head back and stared down at the blue eyes in front of him. “Just don’t let me drown.”

Sirius pressed a long heavy kiss to his mouth. “Never.”

Sirius led Remus slowly, Remus giving out the password and locking the door behind him. The bath water immediately filled with bubbles and Sirius peeled his own clothes off and helped Remus out of his own.

Remus climbed in and let the water relax his muscles. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the edge of the floor. Sirius sat down and immediately climbed into Remus’s lap, slowly lowering himself down. Remus leaned forward kissing the pale flesh of his neck as Sirius leaned his head back, the smell of Sirius everywhere around him. He loved it now, it no longer caused him to be scared of what could happen. He trusted Sirius with every piece of him. His hands gripped at Sirius’s hips as they pressed their lips together.

“Moony...” Sirius whispered his fingers fisting in Remus’s hair. “I’m yours.” Sirius breathed the words over and over until they sounded like a song.

Remus could cry it was such a beautiful thing to hear. He wrapped his arms up Sirius’s back, holding him close. Sirius let his head fall into Remus’s neck, his breath hard on Remus’s skin. They melted into each other and met eyes again.

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’s perfect silk black hair. “I’m yours too.” He whispered.

They finally made it back to the common room, Remus focusing desperately on not tripping over himself as everyone cheered him in.

“Alright then lads!” Sirius yelled pulling Remus onto a table with Peter and James. “Ready! Steady!”

“Go!” The three of them yelled as they all raised their wands to the ceiling, fireworks erupting in all directions.

Everyone was screaming with delight and Sirius pulled Remus into him, pressing their lips together in front of the entire Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff houses. More cheers, their friends being the loudest of all. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and hugged him tightly, too embarrassed and filled with glee to function properly anymore.

“I fucking love you...” Remus said as they jumped down off the table.

“I fucking love you!” Sirius yelled back.

Remus was laughing with a group of hufflepuffs as they all passed a cigarette back and forth.

“What we on about over here then?” Sirius asked throwing his arms around Celine, stealing the cigarette from Remus just as he was bringing it to his lips. He sighed and gave Sirius a look before taking it back moments later.

“Just everyone having a laugh about the Black Lake incident of ‘77.” Celine added.

Sirius began laughing too. “Bloody brilliant that was.”

“Yeah, you’re both legends from that.” a hufflepuff fifth year said lighting a joint. He inhaled and they began passing it down the line.

“That is the end goal, right there Prongsy?” Sirius yelled towards James who was currently snogging the pants off Lily. He looked up before smiling and flipping the boys off.

Peter joined in the group, taking the joint directly out of Remus’s hand.

“Oi... is it not my birthday? You lot just keep stealing my hits.” Remus laughed.

“Would we really be your best friend if we didn’t?” Peter said. “Happy birthday you bastard.” He threw his arm around Remus.

Sirius and Peter were both laughing as James finally joined in and threw his arms around Remus. “Lil... take a photo!” He yelled to her. They were all smiles as she snapped a photo of the four boys. The marauders.


	39. NEWTS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains homophobic slurs and wizard slurs.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Seventh Year Newts

Remus turned again flipping to his right side. He sighed and turned onto his back.

Sirius huffed next to him and threw his arm over him, hoping it would keep him still. “Go to sleep love.”

“Can’t... too anxious about tomorrow.” Remus whispered.

“What do you have to be anxious over?” Peter piped up suddenly from his bed. “You’re top of the class.”

“Still anxious...” Remus groaned. He sat up and pulled his shirt off suddenly overheating.

There was some shuffling before Peter popped his head into the curtains. “Isthere sex happening?”

Sirius bolted up. “Pete!”

“No, clearly sex is not happening.” Remus said.

“Good. Move over.” Peter climbed in on the edge of bed and Remus and Sirius squished together. “Quiz me.”

“Wormtail... it’s four in the bloody morning. Get out!” Sirius grumbled.

“Five elements of casting the Patronus Charm?” Remus began.

“Are you joking me?” Sirius threw his pillow over his head.

“Happy Memory... Wand Flourish... Enunciation...” Peter was scrunching his face. “Shit...”

“Wand grip and spell confidence.” James was now climbing into the bed as well, settling on the other side of Sirius.

“Is no one else trying to sleep?” Sirius grumbled.

“You could always go to your own bed, Pads.” James offered.

Sirius just grumbled some more. He turned into Remus and nuzzled his head into his neck. “Top moments of History in the Goblin war?” He asked.

“There he is!” James nudged him. “Can’t be left out, can you. Alright hold on... the first uprising,” James yawned. “The Political Unrest...”

Sirius closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if James had finished the list, but when he opened his eyes again the three boys around him were all fast asleep. James was leaned against Sirius, curled into a ball, Remus was lying straight as Peter snuggled against his shoulder, a small fat brown rat.

Sirius stretched out and climbed precariously out of the small bed. He open his chest of drawers and threw a white t-shirt on.

“Come back to bed,” he heard Remus whisper behind him.

Sirius smiled and turned around. “A bit crowded.” He walked over and kissed Remus’s forehead.

“Doesn’t matter, come back to bed.” Remus whispered.

“Gonna go fly for a bit. Let out my nerves.” Sirius whispered again.

Sirius made his way to the Gryffindor changing room and threw on his quidditch kit trying himself to remember the top moments of the goblin war.

“The first uprising, political unrest, transfer of position, the years of suppression... fuck what’s the last one?” He pulled his broom out of cupboard.

“Peaceful re-positioning.” A voice came from behind him. “Or better known as the ministry forcing goblins into jobs and calling it peaceful.”

Sirius turned around, Marlene was leaned against the edge of the changing room. She smiled and walked over to him, already in her quidditch kit.

“Trying to get some practice in for the final match?” Marlene asked.

Sirius laughed and crossed his arms. “Like I need it, I’m the best keeper this school has ever see.”

Marlene rolled her eyes. “C’mon Black.” She nudged him and he followed her out onto the pitch. Marlene immediately took off. Sirius had always been enamored by her flying. She was a forced to be reckoned with. He mounted his broom and lifted off following behind her.

Before he knew it they were chasing each other and laughing and shoving each other away. Marlene flitted through the hoops zooming every which way as Sirius floated gently about enjoying the early morning breeze as it rippled through his hair.

Marlene came next to him, resting on her broom as if it was her bed. “Can you believe we’re almost out of here?”

Sirius shook his head. “Can’t believe it’s been seven years.”

“Could you have imagined if we had continued dating?” Marlene asked.

Sirius smiled at her and nudged her with his broom letting his head rest on her. “You were a very good first and last girlfriend, Marls.”

Marlene giggled before letting her head rest on him as well. “And you were a very good first and last boyfriend. To be honest... I’m glad you ended things. Of course I was furious for some time, but it made me think of why I was so angry.”

Sirius sat ,quietly listening to her heart beat.

“I think I was angry because you did hurt me, but I think more than that I was jealous. You had been willing to fight for the love you deserved, which had been something I was too afraid to do myself.”

“I regret hurting you though, I wish I could have figured it all out sooner so I wouldn’t have.” Sirius said.

Marlene smiled and sat up again. “You know... it wouldn’t have worked out regardless, I really fancy girls.”

Sirius laughed, then he couldn’t stop and leaned back having to hold on tightly to his broom as his laughter flipped him upside down.

Marlene laughed too.

“What a pair we made... you fancied girls and I wanted to snog my best friend.”

Marlene caught his hand and pulled him right side up. “Quite a pair. Come on, we best be going. Don’t want to be late for our last exams.”

“Marlene,” Sirius said as he floated down next to her, his feet finally touching the ground.

She turned back to him, her blonde hair catching the morning sun’s rays. “I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too, Sirius.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

“NEWTS done...” Peter flopped down into the grass next to his friends. “We’re actually done. All that’s left is the quidditch cup and then we’re done.”

Sirius had his head resting on Remus’s legs. “The cup is ours. Slytherin won’t know what’s hit them.”

“Too right.” James said passing chilled butter beers to all his friends. “To completing exams.”

“Cheers, mate.” Remus unstoppered the bottle and took a long swig.

“Moony, be a dear...” Sirius had a cigarette in between his lips.

“I think you just like when I do it for you,” Remus said staring intently at the end of the cigarette until it lit.

“I do love it,” Sirius said taking a long inhale. “Merlin that’s good.” He handed it to Remus and watched him French inhale the smoke, his stomach flipping just being near him.

“Dorcas, don’t forget tactics tomorrow. We want to—“

“James... if you try and tell me one more time how to catch a damn snitch I’m going to shove a bludger in a place you don’t rightly want one.” Dorcas said calmly flipping the page of a magazine.

Remus and Sirius both burst into hysterical fits of laughter, the girls and Peter all joining.

James just stared in shock. “Bloody hell... alright then.”

“That’s my girl.” Marlene whispered pressing her forehead against Dorcas’s neck.

“Look at this lot...” A cold voice came from behind them. “The self proclaimed royalty of Hogwarts filled to the brim with dykes, fags, mud-bloods, and blood traitors.”

Sirius turned to see his younger brother standing above them. His arms crossed followed by Severus Snape and Bartimus Crouch Junior.

“Rather be any of that than a little death eater in training.” Sirius said staring directly at his brother now, leaving his head resting comfortably in Remus’s lap.

“Not in training for long, Black.” Barty Crouch said.

“Aww Barty, they finally letting you graduate out of knappies then?” Remus asked.

“Watch it half-breed.” Barty reached for his wand extending it towards Remus.

“Are you really stupid enough to try to threaten students in front of us?” Lily said standing up. “Expelliarmus.” she raised her wand and Barty Crouch’s wand was suddenly in her grasp. “Now, detention for all three until last day and I’ll be taking this and handing it over to Slughorn.”

“I love when you talk head girl to them, Lil.” James said smiling over to her, Sirius not unaware how he glanced over to Severus with a cocky grin.

“Can you believe the audacity of a mudblood.” Regulus sneered out crossing his arms over his body.

James stood up. “Call her that again you piece of shit.” Remus, Peter and Sirius all standing now too.

“Enough!” Lily yelled pushing her hands against James. “He’s not worth it.”

James glared for another moment before taking a slow controlled breath in and taking a step back. “We’ll settle this on the pitch tomorrow.”

Regulus just laughed. “If you make it to the end of the match.”

“This coming from the boy who had to sleep in my bed until he was twelve? Not likely.” Sirius crossed his arms.

Regulus’s eyes got wide as the entire group snickered.

“Calvorio!” Regulus yelled.

“Protego!” Remus countered lazily. “Sorry... quite like his hair.” Sirius smiled and laughed as Remus’s arms were now around him. “Now get lost the lot of you.”

Regulus stared for a long moment before he huffed and turned away, his little lackies following close behind.

They were all laughs after that, but Marlene and Dorcas were now watching Remus closely.

“Remus...” Marlene finally said lowering her voice. “Why did they call you a half-breed?”

Sirius watched Remus for a long moment. Remus shrugged his shoulders, but the wall was already up. “Don’t ask me. They’re psychotic.”

Sirius caught Marlene’s eyes and he could tell immediately she did not buy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t like writing negative slurs and I especially hate these words. So just remember that queer lives are precious.


	40. The Quidditch Cup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes I am using one of my favorite James Potter Tik Tok trends in this chapter. And I’m not sorry about it!

Chapter Forty

“A perfect day for quidditch if you ask my opinion!” Celine’s voice boomed over the stadium. “Let’s look at the lineup, for the Slytherin Team captain Regulus Black is taking the field as his first year as captain there is plenty of pressure to fill the boots...”

“Her voice is very good for announcing then innit?” Lily said sitting down next to Remus in the front rows of the Gryffindor stands.

Remus nodded in agreement.

“They don’t know anything...” Lily said quietly, clearly speaking on the incident with Regulus the other day.

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “S’pose it wouldn’t matter much if they did now or not. School already almost finished.”

“I don’t think they would turn on you, Rem. They love you just as much as the rest of us.” She squeezed his hand.

Remus nodded but hoped she would drop it. He didn’t want to think about more people knowing his secret than necessary.

“And now for the Gryffindor Team, led out by Captain James Potter!”

“Bring the Lion out bring the bring the lion out! Bring the Lion out bring the bring the bring the lion out!” The gryffindors all started chanting James’ cheer as he flew through the sky doing loop-the-loops.

“Ready?” Remus asked towards Peter as they both raised their wands to the sky, red and gold fireworks erupting in every direction in a large lion.

“Chaser Marlene McKinnon, got an offer from the Harpies recently, Keeper Sirius Black, the eldest brother Black. So this is a familial grudge match ladies and gents!” The lion erupted again in fireworks as the Gryffindor side cheered. “Seeker Dorcas Meadowes an absolute bird that one, born with wings I swear.”

Remus watched Sirius flit through each of the hoops before settling in the middle. James flew past him and they high hived as they passed each other.

“Madame Hooch has stepped onto the pitch, she’s released the bludgers and the golden snitch, a reminder that the snitch is worth 150 points, so keep an eye out for those seekers. The quaffle has been released... and is immediately snatched by McKinnon, she’s off towards the goals...”

“Go!” Lily screamed at the top of her lungs!

“Oh snatched by Crouch... slimey little... sorry professor. And it’s back in the hands of team Captain Potter. He’s fast, too fast for the slyterhin team to catch up. 10 points to Gryffindor!”

Lily cheered as James flew past, stopping to reach out for her. She stood on her tiptoes as he pressed his lips to hers.

“Romance on the quidditch pitch, can you expect anything less?” Celine was saying as everyone cheered James on.

“Such a bloody show off,” Lily said as James zoomed away leaving her breathless and red faced.

“You love it.” Remus whispered linking his arm in hers.

“Go! Go! Catch him!” Peter was yelling.

“Crouch on his way to the posts, blocked by Sirius Black, who passes it to McKinnon. Bloody good teamwork the Gryffindor team is...” Celine gasped. “Foul!” She called. “Foul to Crouch who has just slammed into Black. Gryffindor’s turn.”

Remus leaned forward looking to Sirius who was now screaming at Crouch flipping him off.

“Besides having some colorful language it seems Black is alright. The game continues. Potter has the—oh, hit by Slytherin beater Mulciber, Slytherin takes control of the quaffle... goal to slyterhin... 10 points. Black still shaken by the hit apparently.”

Sirius turned and glared towards the announcement box. “There’s movement in the air, the seekers are after something... no good... Lost sight.”

Sirius was floating between the three goal posts, watching James score once again. James flew up past Sirius and they high fived again.

“Vanity has the quaffle and is speeding towards Black. Emma Vanity is a new member of the Slytherin team. Ooh! Black is back and she cannot get past him now. See Black, I was igniting a fire before! Oh Crouch has it again and has launched it... oh and it gets through... damn... I mean... uh. 10 points to Slytherin.”

“Sirius is going to be pissed if he misses anymore.” Peter said.

“He won’t miss more!” Remus said. “Come on Black you lazy tosser!” Remus called out towards him as loud as he could, his voice amplified with his wand against his throat.

Sirius turned towards him and flipped him off, but Remus knew he was smiling. He leaned forward and Remus could practically see the focus wash over him.

“Another ten point to Gryffindor from the marvelous McKinnon!” Celine called out. “Slytherin has the quaffle... Crouch is ruthless out there today. But Black has blocked it once again, tossing it to Potter who is already halfway across the pitch... another 10 points to gryffindor! What a beautiful play that was!”

Remus cheered as James looped his broom the goal posts before balancing on his hands and lifting his feet in the air.

“What a bloomin’ show off that one!” Celine called out.

“Captain Regulus Black on the Slytherin team has yelled something... couldn’t quite make it out, but they’re all falling back to a new formation.”

Remus sat down and watched as the game progressed, Gryffindor leading by a hair. James stretched and raised two fingers into the air and before Remus could see Dorcas was zipping through the sky, followed quickly by Regulus.

“Those seekers must see something I don’t.” Celine said. Dorcas took a sharp turn and began zipping the other direction leaving Regulus to do nothing but follow her. She paused above the clouds, no longer visible to most, but Remus could see her and Regulus through the cloud bank.

“They’ve stopped.” Remus said to the other two. “Think she was taking Reg out of the action is all.”

“The seekers are at it again! Merlin that was close! Watch it!” Celine was leaned down just as the two seekers ripped past the announcer box. “Back to the game! Potter has scored again, bloody hell he’s brilliant isn’t he? Ten more points to Gryffindor!”

Remus looked up to the sky. “Look!” he pointed as Dorcas and Regulus were both fighting neck and neck reaching for a small golden orb. Dorcas pulled closer shoving Regulus further away as she leapt off her broom catching the snitch in her hands.

“Merlin’s beard!” Celine screamed, everyone joining in terror, before Marlene dropped below her catching her arm and pulling her onto the back of her own broom. “Bloody brilliant! Dorcas Meadowes has caught the snitch! I can’t believe that play! Absolute perfection! Gryffindor wins the cup!”

“Yes!” Remus cheered as the entire Gryffindor team surrounded the two girls. Lily Peter and Remus were already racing towards the pitch, the Slytherin team all freaking out.

“Sorry Slytherins, there is no rules saying one can’t jump off their broom to catch the snitch. A risky move, but a brilliant one made by seventh year Dorcas Meadowes.”

Remus Peter and Lily all launched their wands to the sky as a huge lion once again erupted letting out a victorious roar. Other students now following suit as red and gold fireworks erupting from every direction.

James and Sirius had lifted Dorcas onto their shoulders as her hand was held high clutching the golden orb in her fingers. They began zooming around the pitch with her like that.

Remus hugged Marlene and she was shaking with excitement. “Did you practice that?” He asked.

Marlene shook her head. “Nope. The woman’s absolutely mental.” She laughed and Lily grabbed her.

The two boys and Dorcas made their way back and Dorcas fell into Marlene’s arms. “You’re bloody crazy!” Marlene yelled grabbing Dorcas and pulling her into a kiss. “You’re absolutely insane!”

“That was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen in my life!” James was yelling. “If Marlene hadn’t already done the honours I would kiss you myself.” he shook Dorcas’s shoulders.

Dorcas laughed and allowed herself to be hugged and spun around by James.

Sirius finally made his way to Remus, he was limping and wincing as he walked. Remus went to him and caught him in his arms. “You alright?”

“Yeah... fucking Crouch got me harder than I thought when he hit me.” Remus put his arm underneath Sirius. “Oi! Little brother!” Sirius called towards Regulus who was walking past towards the Slytherin’s changing room. “Nice try there, but you’ll always come second won’t you?”

“Do you have to always push your luck?” Remus whispered.

Regulus glared but just walked away, following his team off the pitch.

Sirius laughed and looked over to Remus. “You gonna congratulate me properly?”

Remus bit at his lip before pulling Sirius into him pressing their lips together. “Congratulations you wanker.” he whispered before Sirius pulled him in for another kiss.


	41. The Marauders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They’ve finished school! Bitter Sweet

Chapter Forty-One

The Last Day

“Can’t believe we’re actually leaving,” James said as he shoved his trunk closed. “Shit... Pete... help me out a minute.”

Peter joined in and shoved his arms on the trunk as well as James locked it.

Sirius was laying on his bed, his trunk already packed and his feet resting on top of it. “Can’t believe the moon fell on the last day. Remus is still in hospital.”

“Well come on then, lets start packing for him.” James opened his chest of drawers.

“I’ll do the clothes. He’s weird with how things are folded.” Sirius jumped up.

Peter and James began packing Remus’s many books. “What does he put an extension charm on his trunk?” Peter asked as they finally shoved the last of the book in.

“Probably,” Sirius added. “Let’s wait on the rest, just sat it on his bed. He’ll probably be waking up soon anyways.”

They all raced to the hospital like they’d done since second year. Peter stopped just outside of it and stared at the other two. “What?”

“Just realized this will be the last time we do this...” Peter shrugged.

James laughed. “It’s not as if we’re never going to see each other again Pete.”

Madame Pomfrey was used to them and didn’t make to move from her desk.

“Wotcher Moony!” James yelled ripping open the curtain.

He blinked a few times but opened his eyes slowly. “Are you not capable of coming in gently?”

Sirius jumped into the small hospital bed next to him causing Remus to inhale at the jostling of his body. “Gently please.”

Sirius just laughed and kissed his cheek. “Merlin you act like you transformed into a magical creature last night or something.”

Remus just laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Started packing for you. Do you use an extension charm for all those damn books?” James asked.

“That I do, Prongsy.” Remus said.

Madame Pomfrey was walking behind the curtain, “If you’ll excuse me gentleman. Remus dear, how are we feeling?”

“Never better, Poppy.” He smiled at her.

Madame Pomfrey smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “Well then, I suppose there’s nothing left for me to do but wish you well. Can’t believe its been seven years of patching you up.” Her eyes were misty.

Remus smiled and looked down. “Not sure what I’m going to do without you,”

“You can always call on me, Remus.” Madame Pomfrey said extending her hand towards him. He reached up and grabbed it in his. She cleared her throat, “Although I’m sure you’re in excellent hands with this lot.”

Sirius still had his arm around Remus, his fingers running through his hair.

“Yeah, reckon so...” Remus said closing his eyes and leaning his head in towards Sirius.

“Well Mister Lupin... you’re free to go whenever you feel like it.” Madame Pomfrey gave Remus’s hand one last squeeze before she walked away.

“C’mon,” Remus said standing up slowly, Sirius handing him his clothes.

The boys walked through the halls slowly, reminiscing on the last seven years. “Can’t believe we’re leaving.” Remus said as he sat down next to the three girls in the Great Hall.

“Where have you boys been?” Marlene asked glancing over to Remus.

James shrugged. “Just roaming the halls and causing trouble for the sake of nostalgia.”

“All night?” Marlene asked again.

Sirius smiled at her. “Don’t worry love, we’ve saved some of the mayhem for you lot as well. Gonna have one last hurrah.”

Marlene simply rolled her eyes, but did seem to drop it after that.

They all ate together before making their way back up to the dormitory that the four boys had shared for seven years together.

Peter sniffed and wiped his nose. “It feels real now, does’t it?” He asked as Remus finally closed his trunk.

“Yeah it does.” Remus smiled.

James was leaned against his four poster bed before perking up. “I have an idea.” He went to their armoire and shoved it out of the way. “Come here boys,”

They all four stared at their handiwork, “We’re going to get into so much trouble if someone finds this.” Peter said.

“What are they going to do? Expel us? We’ll be long gone either way.” Sirius added.

“Hold on,” Remus pulled his wand out and cast a preserving charm on it. “There, now we’ll always be a part of the school.”

“Bloody brilliant.” James smiled and wrapped his arms around his three friends. “I love you lot.”

“Don’t get all sappy on us, Prongs.” Sirius said, but he buried his head against his friends, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent any tears from falling.

As the final remarks were made by Dumbledore, Sirius reached out and grabbed Remus’s hand.Remus looked over and smiled before all four marauders began to eye each other. They all nodded towards each other as the four of them flicked their wands underneath the table. A single Slytherin banner at the front of the school fluttered, suddenly every banner was fluttering before changing to miraculous gold with a huge red letter M across them. The students began laughing as fireworks erupted and the four boys climbed up onto the table raising their wands to the ceiling once more. A huge M now floated above them suspended in the air before fizzling into red and gold everywhere.

All of the students, even a handful of Slytherins stood up and cheered, Sirius even saw Dumbledore laughing from the head table. Remus threw his arms around the four of them as they stayed standing on the table.

“To Hogwarts with love!” They all cheered students crowding them from every direction.

They began walking towards the carriages, Sirius looking back at Hogwarts one last time. “Feels weird...” he said as Remus stopped and looked as well. “Feels like I’m leaving my home.”

Remus leaned in wrapping his arms around Sirius. “I love you, you idiot.” He whispered.

Sirius turned to him. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww! This will be the last Hogwarts chapter for a good long while.


	42. Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This episode contains character death and all around sad feelings.

Chapter Forty-Two

Remus took a deep breath and looked at himself in the small mirror again. He adjusted his tie and tried straightening out his jacket.

Sirius’s arms came around him, holding him close.

“Can’t get my fucking tie straight.” Remus swore under his breath.

“Let me help,” Sirius turned Remus by the shoulders and Remus finally got a good look at him. He looked like a proper posh boy, his suit jacket hugging him just perfectly, his hair falling in perfect curls by his shoulders, his red and gold cuff links shining as his wrists flitted. Sirius was focused on Remus’s tie, tying it the proper way, without magic because he figured it just looked better that way. “You alright?”

Remus nodded as a knock to his door startled both the boys, his father’s head appeared. “Er... sorry...” Sirius’s hands were still on Remus’s tie. “Time to go.”

Remus took a deep breath, closing his eyes before nodding slowly. His father shut the door once again. “I don’t... I can’t do this...” Remus whispered.

“Moony look at me... I am right here.” Sirius put his hands on either side of Remus’s face. “I’m not leaving, alright.”

Remus took a deep breath and nodded. He walked out the door and followed his father into the back of the hearse. Sirius sitting next to him.

Remus looked to Sirius about to ask a question, but Sirius seemed ahead of him.

“Meeting us at the church,” Sirius added.

Remus nodded and took a deep breath. His father was sitting next to him in a dark grey suit, staring out the window as the small Cornwall village passed them by.

Hope Lupin had passed away only days after Remus returned home from Hogwarts, not much left of her at the end, but she had still beamed when Remus came in, still reaching her shaky hand out to grab his own. Remus hadn’t slept at home since, he couldn’t bear the silence.

Remus closed his eyes, trying hard to not allow his emotions to overtake him yet. Sirius reached for his hand, gripping it tightly in his own. Remus looked over and Sirius gave him a small smile. The car stopped and Remus stepped out, seeing the other two marauders and Lily all standing outside the church waiting for them. He walked over to them slowly and Lily immediately wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Thanks for coming.” Remus said.

“Of course,” James said grabbing Remus and pulling him into a hug. “Whatever you need, alright Moony.” He whispered.

Remus nodded. He was summoned to stand next to his father and greet the funeral guests as they came in. Many tear-filled condolences and handshakes from people Remus barely knew. Sirius stood next to him the entire time, like he had promised, and as the rest of his friends followed them in he made his way to the front with his father. Sirius looked to him for lead and Remus motioned to the seat next to him, not ready to stand on his own.

It was quick, his mother hadn’t wanted anything long and drawn out. The minister said a few kind words to her before everyone dispersed. “You alright?” Sirius asked afterwards.

Remus took a deep breath and nodded. “I need a cigarette,” he said quietly.

Sirius huffed out a sympathetic laugh before pulling a fag out of his suit jacket. “Gotcha covered,”

“Cheers,” Remus wrapped an arm around him and they all walked outside. Remus put the cigarette to his lips and lit it the muggle way as they were more or less surrounded. He blew in the smoke before handing it off to Sirius.

No one said much of anything as they all stood together outside. “Found a flat yet?” Remus offered to Peter who had been searching.

Peter shook his head. “Mum says I should just live at home what with everything going on, but not sure if I want to do that. Got an interview though, at the... company.”

“Well done, Pete.” James reached for the cigarette from Sirius bringing it to his lips, a sight Remus had never seen. He sucked in and blew the smoke out slowly, looking very cool in that obnoxious James Potter way. “Still don’t really see the appeal.”

Remus laughed and grabbed it from him taking another long drag off it before dropping it to the ground. “Should probably head back in then. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“Remus, if you want us here, then we’re here.” Lily said decidedly before walking back into the church.

Bless Lily Evans, she had brought flowers and had gotten Lyall Lupin tea and greeted people with all the grace she had been given in life.

“Remus?” The minister had his hand outstretched. “Your mother spoke often of you. Said you were off to some Private School for gifted students.”

Remus smiled and shook his hand. “Thank you for the service, minster.”

The old man nodded. “Hope was a very kind lady, always kept to herself of course, but was very kind none the less. Spoke very highly of you, she was very proud you know.”

Remus could feel his throat tighten and nodded before excusing himself to the bathroom. He shut the door and ripped his tie off while slamming the stall door. He sank to the floor, his head pounding, his breaths coming quick short bursts. The door opened and shut and Remus could smell Sirius before he saw him. Sirius opened and shut the stall door slowly before lowering down to his knees next to Remus. He reached for Remus’s shoulders and pulled him towards his chest.

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’s back allowing himself finally to break down. “I miss her so much.” He sobbed into Sirius.

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’s hair slowly. “I’m so sorry Remus...” Sirius whispered.

They stayed like that for a long time before Remus finally felt like he had nothing left to give up. He took a shaky breath in and looked into Sirius’s clear blue eyes. Sirius smiled and ran his finger over Remus’s cheek before pressing a kiss to his lips. “Are you ready to go back out there?”

Remus nodded. “Cast a glamour charm on me so it doesn’t look as if I’ve had a breakdown.”

Sirius did and they walked back out of the bathrooms and back to the wake.

“Take whatever you want to keep,” Lyall said as he and Remus stood in front of his mother’s extensive collection of things. “Could use some of the dish ware for your own flat if you want.”

“We don’t have to do this right away, dad.” Remus said, already feeling overwhelmed himself.

Lyall shook his head. “Hope wanted it. She told me not to leave it for years and years. ‘Just get it all out once I’m gone.’”

Remus took a deep breath before walking over towards her books. “Can I go through these?” He asked.

Lyall nodded as he continued folding her clothes. Remus had created a substantial pile of he books that he planned to take to his new flat with Sirius and the rest of the books he would donate when he came to a book on lycanthropy. He stared at it for a long moment before finally picking it up.

“Dad? What’s this?” He asked.

Lyall looked over before saddening. “She had asked me to bring that home back when you were small and had just been turned. Hoped it would help, but of course there isn’t a lot of knowledge to be had about werewolves. Guess she never threw it out.”

Remus opened the book and took a sharp inhale. In his mothers neat cursive there were markings all over the pages. Correcting the cruel languages used against werewolves. ‘Werewolves are monsters was crossed out to say people above it that are misunderstood.’ ‘Need extra servings of food and sweets after moon cycle.’ ‘Have great hearing and good eye sight.’ Remus hadn’t realized he had been smiling until his cheeks hurt. He carefully placed the book on lycanthropy in his save pile as the door rang.

“Go and get that for me, Remus.” Lyall said sitting on the bed.

Remus walked over to the door and opened it to see clad in his signature leather jacket and Sex Pistols shirt from the concert they attended Sirius Black in all his glory. “Hiya Moony.” He smiled walking in, brushing a quick kiss to Remus’s lips as he passed.

“What are you doing here? Thought I told you I had to help my dad clear things out today.” Remus said following Sirius who dropped his jacket on the sofa like it was his own home.

“Yeah, thought you could use a hand is all. I brought lunch.” He lifted a brown bag.

“Who is it?” Lyall appeared a pink cardigan still in his hands. “Oh... hello Sirius.”

“Mr. Lupin. Brought you both some lunch.” Sirius smiled.

“That’s kind of you,” Lyall fingered the hem of the cardigan.

Sirius stood for a moment, catching Remus’s eyes before walking towards the kitchen. “I’ll put some tea on.”

Remus followed him. “Sorry, I think it’s more difficult than he thought it would be.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Sirius said tapping his wand to the different cupboards as tea cups and plates flurried around him. “Just wanted to check in. Haven’t seen you in a few days.”

Remus sighed and reached out for Sirius pulling his close. “I know, I’m sorry. Just been trying to be here for dad is all.”

“I know, Moony.” Sirius turned and hugged Remus tight before turning back to the plate, picking it up he walked out and sat the tea and food on the table where Lyall sat and gave him a grateful nod.

He appeared again and leaned against the counter. “Found us a place.”

Remus cocked his head. “Already?”

Sirius nodded. “Its perfect Moony. Small enough to be comfortable, big enough to have our friends over.”

“Alright, well... when can I see it?” Remus asked.

Sirius bit at his lip before smiling that sheepish grin. “When we move in next week?”

“You’ve got to be joking.” Remus crossed his arms, trying his best to feign annoyance. “The moon is next week.”

“I know, but we can move in before then or after. We can move in as soon as you want really. It’s there waiting for us.”

Remus sighed. “Where is it?”

Sirius got that crooked grin, “Bakewell.” Sirius knew that he had already won of course, Remus loved the countryside.

“What’s the rent then?” Remus asked.

Sirius looked down at his feet. “150 pounds per month...”

“One hundred and fifty per?!”

“Sshhh.... calm down.” Sirius was smiling.

“You know I can’t afford that.” Remus whispered glancing towards the den.

“And you know I can...” Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus. “Come on, Rem... our own place. That’s the dream. Please... let me do this for us.” Sirius nestled into Remus’s neck pressing a kiss against his skin.

“You’re not fighting fair...” Remus whispered, too close to the moon to argue properly with the way Sirius smelled and was leaned against him just then.

“Is that a yes then?” Sirius murmured against Remus’s skin. Pressing another long kiss to the crook of his neck.

Remus closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Sirius. “Yes.”


	43. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first home together, and their first order meeting all in one chapter. 
> 
> Content Warning: Sex. ;)

Chapter Forty-Three

“Bloody hell, what do you have in these boxes?” Peter complained.

“Books,” Sirius and Remus said together.

“Why am I not surprised.” Peter dropped the box in front of a very quaint looking cottage with a garden out front.

“Ready to go in?” Sirius smiled at Remus.

Remus sighed and nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” Sirius opened the door and they both walked inside. Sirius’s stomach did flips as Remus’s eyes widened and a huge grin appeared on his face. Sirius knew of course when he saw it that Remus would love it, with its bright open windows and kitchen and back garden.

Sirius linked their fingers, “Come this way.” he lead him towards the small study, “For all your books. And if we have work in the Order.” He pulled him down the hall and into the small bedroom, just as open and bright.

“There is absolutely no way this is 150 per month.” Remus finally said.

“Well... we do have to care for the gardens ourselves... and...” Sirius looked down at his feet. “Do you like it?”

Remus gave Sirius that giddy smile. “Do you even have to ask? It’s perfect.” He grabbed Sirius and hugged him so tight it caused Sirius to have to catch his breath. “I love it.”

“Alright you two, give us some direction please.” Peter asked from the living room.

“Guess we have to go back out there then?” Remus whispered.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. “We could just let them suffer.”

“We can hear you idiots!” James called from the den.

They all apparated to James’s house that night before using a port key to an undisclosed location, but it reminded Sirius quite a bit of the Hog Head back at Hogsmeade, and didn’t smell much better either.

Dumbledore was there, and Alastor Moody, renowned auror. Marlene and Dorcas waved madly at the group and they raced over. “You’re here!” Sirius hugged Marlene, planting a kiss to her hair.

“Couldn’t let you lot have all the fun could I?” Marlene said.

“Couldn’t agree more,” Sirius heard from behind them. He turned to see Celines curly brown hair. Her arms were crossed and she smiled over to the boys. Remus wrapped her in a hug. “Can’t believe you’re here.”

“What, just because I’m a hufflepuff?” Celine asked.

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “S’pose that.”

Celine shoved Remus and laughed. “Don’t give me that.”

Moody cleared his throat and everyone quieted and found seats around a large table. Sirius sat next to Remus and James and hoped they felt as out of place as he did. They were surrounded by high ranking aurors and members of the ministry of magic.

“There has been some information heard through chatter at the ministry,” one man said. “They’ve got Greyback on their side.”

Sirius felt Remus go rigid next to him and instinctually reached for his hand underneath the table.

“If you-know-who has the werewolves on his side this is bound to become a bloody mess.” Frank Longbottom said.

“Thus far all we know of is Greyback,” Moody said silencing the nervous chatter. “We need constant vigilance following the ministry positions. If they have Greyback, that is only to show they may be trying to change people. Aurors, you’ll be assigned a ministry member to detail during full-moons.”

“Very good,” Dumbledore said. “Now, let us speak to our newest members of the Order.” Dumbledore turned to the group of teens that were all crowded on one end of the table. Sirius felt so incredibly small and yet so scrutinized in those moments. “We appreciate you all joining, but know now this is not like your many years at school. There is danger involved in these missions.”

They all seemed to nod, staring down at their feet. Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand even tighter in his, noting that Lily and James were doing the same thing.

They all stood up slowly after closing remarks, Sirius took a deep breath in and looked towards Remus who had his invisible wall already up.

“Moony...” Sirius tried saying.

“Lupin,” Moody was walking over to him. “Alastor Moody. Can we speak privately?”

Remus took a breath before looking down to Sirius. Sirius didn’t know what he could do so he just squeezed his shoulder before Remus followed Moody out of the room.

“What do you suppose that’s about?” James whispered.

“What do you think?” Sirius whispered back. The marauders and Lily waited for a long time for Remus to return.

Finally Remus returned, and to Sirius’s intense relief, he actually looked alright. He walked back over and took a deep breath.

“What—“

“Shh... back home first.” Remus said and apparated quickly, the rest following.

“Alright, so what happened? What did he say?” Sirius asked. He had already pulled a cigarette out of his case.

Remus waved his wand and opened the window for him. “He mostly just wanted me to know that he knew about me I think. Asked me where I changed and all that. Said he may call on me in future and then sort of just left.”

“What did you tell him?” Peter asked. “Did you tell him about us?”

“No obviously not. I told him I hadn’t transformed outside Hogwarts grounds since I was young, but had a safe place to go.” Remus looked down at the ground. “I think I should transform in the cellar at my family home.”

“Remus.” Sirius tried arguing.

“At least for now.” Remus said clearly trying to convince himself as well.

“Okay, well we can all go then.” James added.

“S’not big enough for you, Prongs. I think it should just be me this time. You all can find a safe place for next month. A forest of sorts, somewhere away from people. Somewhere secret.”

“Moony...” James began but looked down. “Do you really think that’s best?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “I think it’s the only thing we can do, mate. Moody knows about me... and told me I needed to be careful seeing as you-know-who is trying to recruit my type.”

“S’not like he could recruit you though.” Lily said.

“No... but if he has werewolves on his side, it’s dangerous for all of us.” Remus took a shaky breath in. “I think just until we have a better solution this is best.”

“Alright, Moony. Whatever you need.” Peter said.

Everyone left and Sirius sat down next to Remus. “What else did he say?”

Remus sighed. “He thinks it’s best no one in the order knows about me. Not like I was planning on saying anything, but he said they wouldn’t see reason.”

Sirius took a deep breath and leaned against Remus. “Greyback was the one who changed you, right?”

“Yeah,” Remus’s voice was strained. “Can we talk about something else please?”

Sirius swallowed down the fear that had rooted in him and sat up. “Welcome home,” he said quietly.

Remus huffed out a laugh and nodded. He flicked his wand at the fire place and flames erupted from the logs.

Sirius smiled and looked up at Remus. “I can think of a few things that don’t involve talking.”

He watched the corners of Remus’s mouth turn into a smile. Sirius stood up and reached for his hand.

“Come on then.” Sirius said.

Remus bit his lip before grabbing Sirius and pulling him down into his lap, pressing their lips together.

They were a flurry of movements as Remus dropped them down onto the floor pressing kisses down Sirius causing him to shiver as Remus kissed his hip bone.

“Rem...” Sirius breathed out, his hands gripping at Remus’s curls. Sirius could feel his eyes roll back in his head, his stomach lurching down as Remus took all of him in his mouth.

“C’mere...” Remus whispered pulling Sirius on top of him. He kissed down his neck. “God... you smell so good.”

Sirius could barely see straight anymore, with Remus’s hands on his hips, guiding them further. “Moony... please...” he groaned as his head rolled forward, their foreheads pressed against one another. “Please don’t stop...”

Remus didn’t let up until Sirius was shaking in ecstasy. His body slumped on top of Remus, breathing heavy, not sure he could form a coherent thought if he tried.

“Missed you...” Remus whispered into Sirius’s hair.

“Mmm...” Sirius replied, still too far gone to respond.

Remus just laughed.

Sirius huffed out a laugh. “Piss off...” he said letting his hand rise and fall against Remus’s chest.

“Never do it this close to the moon...” Remus whispered.

“Well... that has to change.” Sirius replied. “From now on, night before is a must.”

Remus laughed and reached for a cigarette. “Post shag fag?”

“You know me so well.” Sirius placed the cigarette in his mouth and waited as Remus stared at the end until it was lit. “I love your magic.” Sirius said breathing in the smoke.

“I lit the end of a cigarette Sirius...” Remus grabbed the cigarette and took his own long drag.

“Yeah, and it was bloody beautiful.” Sirius said relaxing his arm underneath Remus, letting his fingers trace along a scar down his arm. “You’re beautiful.”


	44. The Wolf and the Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: some graphic wounds

Chapter Forty-Four

Remus had disapparated to his childhood home at around six in the evening. He exchanged pleasantries with his father and shared a cup of tea with him, trying his best to ignore the burning for as long as he could.

“Flat coming along?” Lyall asked as Remus cleared the tea.

Remus nodded. “Still loads of things in boxes, been busy what with... everything else.”

Lyall nodded and filled his pipe with tobacco, Remus figured he didn’t want to speak about the war anymore than Remus did. “S’pose...”Remus perked up, almost thinking he heard the sound of someone apparating outside. He shook his head. “S’pose we should head out there.”

Lyall checked his pocket watch and nodded. “S’pose you’re right.” They both stood and Remus followed his father out to the cellar. He could feel the hairs on his neck stand as the wind shifted around him. He stopped and looked behind him, seeing nothing, but knowing perfectly well that wasn’t the truth.

“See you in the morning, son.” Lyall placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder as Remus looked past his father into the empty garden behind him.

“Yeah, see you in the morning.” He turned and walked in, waiting for the door to be locked and the magic to set into place. “You’re an idiot.” He said.

There was some shuffling of fabric behind him. “Yeah, maybe.”

“I told you that I didn’t want you coming with me.” Remus turned to see Sirius in the blackness of the cellar.

“And I told you that you wouldn’t have to change alone ever again.” Sirius said.

“Sirius... it could be dangerous for you here. He...” Remus closed his eyes. “I hate it in here. I get more vicious in here it seems.”

“All the more reason for me to be here.” Sirius reached out and put his hands on Remus’s shoulders. “I’m staying.”

Remus shivered and shed his jacket. “Well you have to now, we’re sealed in. There’s no getting out.”

Sirius nodded and reached for Remus’s shirt as he peeled it off, his body already sweating. Sirius folded them with the invisibility cloak followed by his jeans.

Remus felt oddly exposed in those moments, just Sirius standing there watching him. Sirius had seen him naked plenty, all of the marauders had, but it was never like this. He could forget about how exposed he felt when they were all together, but not like this.

Sirius must have noticed how uncomfortable he felt because he began talking. “What do you think of moving the bed to face the south wall? More light that way.”

Remus shook his head, “No, closes the room off.” Remus groaned and tried stretching out his neck. He could feel his breath catch in his throat. He sat down on the cold stone floor and brought his knees to his chest.

Soft fur brushed against him and he reached out instinctively burying his head in Sirius’s fur. He tried to slow his breathing as it continued hitching in his throat. He could feel his bones begin to ache, and his muscles tighten.

“Mmhhh...” He fisted at Padfoot’s fur. “C-can’t... breathe...” it was coming, and he knew immediately it would be bad.

Padfoot practically was in his lap licking at Remus’s shoulder. Remus groaned and grabbed Sirius hard, trying to mind not to hurt him. He could feel the urge to howl already itching in his throat. He felt his body lurch forward as he fell onto his hands and knees.

“Sorry... I’m sorry...” he was crying out from the pain, he knew he couldn’t hold it in any longer as screams wracked his body. He could feel his bones lengthen and his muscles contract and rip open. He sobbed out as another wave of heat pulsed through him. He could barely feel a cool pressure against his shoulder. He wanted to beg for the pain to just take him for good, he wanted desperately for this next part to kill him, but he knew it wouldn’t. He could feel his heart pounding desperately fast skipping beats causing his head to go foggy and his eyes to roll back in his head as the heartbeat of the wolf began to take over. He could hear his screams slowly turn into desperate howls as his body became a murderous monster. Please don’t let me kill him.

The Wolf: Darkness. This was not his home. This was the prison. He raced to the edge of the stone prison flinging himself against the wall again and again before a force shoved him backwards.

The dog was there. The dog was in his prison. Mine. The wolf lunged at the dog growling at him ferociously. Desperate to make him his. The dog showed his neck to the wolf. Good. The wolf ran his scent across the dog. He began sniffing around, where were the others? Where was the stag? Where was the small one. They had left him. His pack had left him. The wolf whimpered as he sniffed every corner for the small one. He let him out. He gave him his freedom.

The wolf perked up. That smell. Blood. It was delicious. The wolf raced to the edge of the prison flinging himself against the door blocked by magic. Clawing desperately to get out and satiate his hunger. The dog pushed him away, shoving him towards the middle. Fucking dog. The wolf growled and stood over the dog. The dog growled back before running his head against the wolf’s neck, letting out a low whimper. Mine. The wolf did it back. The dog was his. He didn’t have to share the dog. The dog jumped every which way in the small space as the wolf jumped for him desperately. The dog pranced around the wolf. The wolf loved this game. But there was no forest for him to run in. The wolf whimpered and howled desperately for his moon. He flung himself against the wall with all his weight trying to break free and run in his forest.

The dog ran his head against the wolf. Mine. The wolf scented the dog again. He wanted his scent to stay. Mine. The wolf whimpered again before flinging himself against the wall, the dog shoving him off every time. No good. Fucking magic. He could feel the dog’s heartbeat in his veins. Mine. The wolf ran his nose against the dog’s neck and down his back. He could feel the moon was going to die soon. He hadn’t ever been set free. He hated that. He flung himself onto the ground, ripping his own flesh with his claws. The dog was on him in an instant biting at his paws, growling at him. Fucking dog. The wolf threw him offand leapt for him, overpowering him in an instant. The dog growled below him before submitting. The wolf wanted to kill the dog. But the dog was his. He laid his scent down once again, only his. He let himself fall against the dog. His time was coming to a close. The dog nuzzled his head against the wolf. The wolf could be his too.

Remus coughed and could feel the blood pool beneath him. Padfoot’s soft fur next to him. He tried moving, panic clouding his eyes. Had he hurt Sirius. Had he killed him?

He tried to speak but the pain was too much. Padfoot licked at his face before transforming.

“Moony...” Sirius whispered. “Can you hear me?”

Remus could, but he still couldn’t speak.

“Don’t move, love. You’re bleeding a lot.” Sirius whispered. He pulled his wand out and performed a healing charm. “Fuck... I was always bollocks at healing, but at least the bleeding has stopped.”

Remus could feel Sirius lift his head into his lap, his fingers running through Remus’s hair. “Hurts...” Remus whispered.

“I know...” Sirius was shaking, Remus could feel his shaking beneath him. “All there is to do is wait I think.”

“Hide...” Remus’s voice was hoarse.

“Try not to speak, Rem. Got yourself pretty good against your neck.” Sirius whispered.

“Hide.” Remus tried saying again.

“Can’t... Sirius said. “My leg is broken.”

Remus tried sitting up, but it was too painful. “Sirius...”

“Wasn’t your fault.” Sirius said running his hand down Remus’s cheek.

“My dad...” Remus whispered already hearing the back garden door open and shut. “Coming.”

“S’alright... he was bound to learn eventually.” Sirius whispered.

“He...” Remus tried speaking but he could feel blood catch in his neck and pain again as he choked. “Fuck...”

“Shit...” Sirius held his hand where the blood was catching pressing down firmly. Remus thought he might lose consciousness.

“Remus?” he heard his fathers voice. Then complete silence.

“Wh-what... how are you in here?” Lyall was yelling.

“He’s bleeding badly,” Sirius said.

“What are you doing in here? He could have killed you! How are you not dead? How did you know about him?”

“Mr. Lupin...” Sirius sounded firm and it made Remus feel a welling of pride for his boyfriend. “He’s bleeding out and I’m garbage at healing spells.”

Lyall walked over. “Lumos,” he said quietly dropping to his knees. He healed Remus and he finally felt like he could take a full breath.

“Could you do my leg?” Sirius asked.

Lyall did and Sirius stood, still limping and grabbed Remus’s clothes dropping back to his knees. Remus felt sick at the wince that graced Sirius’s perfect face for a moment.

“Sirius...” Remus breathed tears catching in his throat. “I’m... I’m so—“

“Shh...” Sirius had his hands on either side of Remus’s face. “I’m fine, Moony. It’s alright.”

“No...” Remus whispered. “No...”

“Remus look at me.” Sirius whispered forcing Remus to look him in the eyes. “You did nothing wrong, do you understand me?”

Remus forced himself to take a long deep breath in before nodding.

Lyall cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable by the closeness the two boys were exhibiting. “I want you both in the house. I think we all need to talk.”


	45. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyall knows, probably more than he’s letting on.

Chapter Forty-Five

Lyall Lupin was pacing, he reminded Sirius of Remus so much when he paced, apart from the angry look still present on his face. They were in Remus’s small childhood bedroom. Remus was drifting in and out of sleep. He had forced Lyall to promise not to speak with Sirius until he woke up, so Lyall had spent the entire morning pacing back and forth from the bedroom to the den, to the kitchen, back to the bedroom, never meeting Sirius’s eyes.

Sirius sat on a chair next to Remus, not wanting to make his father more uncomfortable than he already was. Lyall looked like he was going to say something before he closed his mouth again.

Finally Remus woke up, blinking slowly, that soft blank stare in his eyes. The haziness of the change always made him look eleven again. Sirius leaned forward. “Morning,”

Remus looked over before giving Sirius that hazy small smile. “Missed you.”

“Missed you... think we’re in a bit of trouble here?” Sirius whispered.

Remus chuckled before hissing in pain. “Yeah...”

They both heard Lyall’s footsteps as he walked into the room. “How are you feeling?”

Remus swallowed. “Not great.”

“No...you got your throat, surprised you can still speak.” Lyall walked over and healed Remus again with his wand. “Now...” he wouldn’t meet Sirius’s eyes. “We need to talk. How long has he known?”

“Since I was thirteen.” Sirius said, refusing to be spoken about like he wasn’t there.

“You were given strict rules not tell anyone, Remus.” Lyall said, clearly trying to keep his voice down.

“They figured it out.” Remus said.

Lyall’s eyes widened. “They?”

“James and Peter and Sirius...” Remus said.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for people to know about you, Remus?”

“No dad, I have absolutely no idea.” Remus said sarcastically. “What did you want me to do? They figured it out, and they promised not to tell anyone. And have kept that promise.”

“For now.” Lyall said.

Sirius’s eyes shot up to the older Lupin. “We would never tell anyone. Remus is our best friend. We love him. We would do anything for him.”

Lyall eyed him for a long time, “Which brings me to my next question. How were you in there last night? You should be dead.”

“I’m an animagus.” Sirius said.

Lyall’s eyes widened again, a vein in his forehead protruding out.

“The wolf...” Remus sighed. “I don’t hurt them when they’re like that.”

“His leg was shattered this morning.” Lyall added reproachfully.

Remus whimpered quietly and put his hand to his face covering his eyes. Sirius reached out, squeezing Remus’s shoulder.

“That wasn’t his fault!” Sirius was yelling now. “He was trying to claw himself and I stopped it. It just made him angry and he threw me off. It wasn’t his fault. And why would you say such a vile thing in front of your son? Do you not see how much he hates himself for it already? He’s never attacked us-“

“Us?” Lyall asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, he knew he should have more respect for Remus’s father, but he was just so frustrated. “James and Peter are animagus too, we became animagi in fifth year to help him through moons so he no longer hurts himself. And he hasn’t until last night. He was just angry to be locked up in that damn cellar.”

“He’s safe in the cellar!” Lyall yelled.

“If you can call trying to claw his own flesh off safe!” Sirius was standing.

“Stop... please...” Remus begged dropping his head down to the pillow again.

Sirius winced and looked down. “Sorry, I know you’ve done your best to keep Remus safe.”

Lyall was breathing heavy glaring at Sirius.

“But so have I.” Sirius said.

“And I just have to accept that?” Lyall asked looking between the two boys.

“Yes...” Remus whispered. “I’m sorry, I should have told you about them, and I should have told you about Sirius being there before he followed me down, but they really do help me, dad. They make it so the moon is just another night, and not the worst night of my life every month.”

This seemed to soften Lyall’s hard demeanor quite a bit. He let out a long sigh and put his hand to his brow.

“Anything else I need to know then? Like how I didn’t see you go in there?” Lyall asked.

Sirius said nothing.

“We’ll tell you if you need to know, but that isn’t our secret to tell.” Remus said.

Lyall looked between the two boys for a long time before letting out a small laugh. “Your mother knew, didn’t she?”

Remus nodded. “Told her last Christmas. Didn’t really want to have secrets from her before.”

“Thought so.” Lyall crossed his arms and nodded. “S’pose she was glad of it then.”

Sirius wondered if they were still talking about him being an animagus or about him being in love with Remus.

“She was.”

Lyall nodded. “S’pose I’m alright with it then.” He turned to Sirius. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Sirius. You’re a good friend to Remus.” He reached his hand out to Sirius. Sirius wanted to correct him and say his son was far more than a friend, but he knew that would likely start another fight.

Sirius took it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you as well. I know that you’re protective of him because you love him.”

They did a side-along apparate because Remus was still in a lot of pain back to their cottage and Sirius helped Remus to bed again.

“Hungry?” Sirius asked.

Remus nodded, his eyes closed.

“Alright,” Sirius made to leave then hesitated and turned back towards Remus. “I’m sorry, Moony.”

“Why are you sorry?” Remus asked.

“You told me not to come, and now your father knows everything.” Sirius leaned against the door.

Remus sighed and reached his hand out, Sirius cleared the space in a couple of steps and linked their fingers together.

“My father will learn to accept it, and... I’m glad you were there. I was so angry, I can’t imagine if I were alone.” Remus whispered. He bit his lip and blinked back tears. “I’m... I’m so sorry Sirius...”

“Please don’t apologize,” Sirius laid down next to him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was. I remember last night pretty well. You were only trying to stop me from hurting myself and I threw you and tried to attack you for it.” Remus’s voice was quiet and weak.

“But you didn’t.” Sirius said. “You didn’t attack me beyond throwing me off you.”

“But I wanted to...” Remus whispered. “I wanted to hurt you after that.”

“But you didn’t, Remus. Even if the wolf got pissed and wanted to hurt me, you didn’t. You’re stronger than you know.”

Remus blinked back tears and took a long shaky breath in. “When I woke up and was covered in blood... I thought...” he took a sharp inhale in and nuzzled into Sirius. “I can’t lose you, Sirius.”

“You won’t.” Sirius whispered pressing a kiss against his lips. “I’m gonna make some lunch for us, alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to mention, if it wasn’t obvious, I’ve gone down to one chapter upload a day. The reason for this is because i Have bad wrists and the intense amount of writing I’ve done this last month has not been incredibly conducive to that. So I’m trying to take it easy and not write quite as much in one sitting. Because of this and because I like to have a nice buffer of chapters to upload, I’m currently just doing one chapter a day. If I end up needed to cut it to every other day I hope you understand.   
> This fiction means so much to me and I want to do right by it, which means I want quality work (or as quality as a first draft can bring). 
> 
> Thanks for understanding in advance. We still have a lot of story left to get through so I hope you stick with me through it. :)


	46. Missions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains some torture.

Chapter Forty-Six

Sirius got his first assignment with the order in August. He and James were trailing a couple of death eaters with Longbottom, that was all Remus knew of it. He wasn’t sure if Sirius knew much more, all missions seemed to be very need-to-know, even for those involved.

Remus had been trying to distract himself by organizing and reorganizing their bookshelves, he had decided on alphabetical, but after that had finished and Sirius still wasn’t back decided to try for color-coded as well. He was just through the green books when he heard the sound of someone apparating.

He walked out into the living room, hoping to see Sirius coming in, but instead there was a knock. Remus smell the fear permeating from him, had something happened? Were they already dead? He walked over slowly and opened the door a crack. He sighed with relief to see Lily. “Bloody hell... don’t scare me.”

She smiled sheepishly, clearly waiting for him to follow protocol.

Remus rolled his head and raised his wand to her. “Alright, where were we when you confronted me about being a werewolf?”

Lily smiled and Remus was practically catapulted back to being on prefect duty with her. “Outside the Great Hall, fifth year.” She brushed past him. “Couldn’t keep waiting by myself.”

“Glad for the company.” Remus admitted as he flicked his wand to the kettle. “How are the Potters?”

Lily was silent for a long while before Remus turned. “They haven’t been doing well lately.”

Remus’s eyes got wide.

“Nothing too terrible, apart from the fact that they are getting older you know? Had James pretty late in life after all.”

Remus breathed again. He couldn’t handle too much bad news right then. “When do you s’pose they’ll be back then?”

“Not sure. Should we call Pete over?” Lily asked.

Remus shook his head. “He’s doing those protection spells this evening.”

“Right, forgot.” Lily sighed and sunk into their kitchen chair. “Wish I was out there with them. Don’t really like being away, you know... in case something happens.”

“I know,” Remus sat the tea in front of her. “You looking at flats still?”

Lily shook her head. “Euphemia is pretty stubborn of us staying at the house with them. Wants us close by and all that.”

Remus chuckled. “She is pretty strong willed.”

Lily helped Remus finish organizing the books, and then they sat and listened to a few records before Lily began dozing on the couch, a copy of Persuasion open on her lap.

“Lil...” Remus whispered.

She blinked her eyes slowly.

“James know where to find you?” he asked.

She yawned and nodded.

“C’mon love, lets go to bed then.” he scooped her up in his arms and carried her into bed. She looked so young still, he figured they all did.

“Hate sleeping without James next to me, how bloody pathetic is that?” She mumbled as Remus climbed in next to her.

“S’not... I hate sleeping without Sirius.” Remus sighed.

“We’re a soppy lot.” Lily whispered.

“We are that. Night Lily...” Remus whispered.

“Night Remus.” She whispered back.

Remus blinked his eyes open a few times as the sound of the kettle whistled from the other room. He looked over to see a mess of red hair splayed out across Sirius’s pillow.

Remus crept out of bed as silently as possible and opened the door. Sirius was standing in the kitchen pouring two cups of coffee. Remus had to catch his breath at the relief he felt.

“Leave for one night and you’ve already found a new little doe to keep you warm eh?” Sirius smiled at him, Remus not even listening as he grabbed Sirius as tightly as he could.

“You’re home.” he whispered, unsure why he felt so emotional.

“I am. And had to share the couch with Prongs.” Sirius said.

“Sorry.” Remus couldn’t stop smiling. “I’ll make breakfast.”

“Cheers.” Sirius pulled Remus closer and brushed their lips together.

Lily rallied shortly and practically threw herself into James’s arms.

“Where do you get off sleeping with my girlfriend, mate?” James asked shoving Remus.

Remus shrugged. “Thought she deserved one night without your bloody snoring.”

They all laughed at that.

“Can we ask about the assignment then?” Lily asked.

Sirius and James shared a look. “It was pretty uneventful, just tailed some death eaters, but... he was there.”

Lily said nothing, she looked down at the breakfast in front of her and nodded slowly.

“Sorry, Lil.” James reached for her hand.

Lily shrugged her shoulders.

Remus looked over to Sirius, ‘Who?’ He mouthed.

‘Snape,’ Sirius mouthed back.

She took a deep breath in. “Not surprised in the end I guess, although I did hope he’d change his mind.”

“I know,” James said. He was biting at his lip. “Shouldn’t have been such a prick to him I s’pose.”

“James, he was already heading down that road. You can’t blame yourself for how he turned out. You’re not that important, mate.” Sirius said.

Remus couldn’t help but wonder how true that really was. Could things ever have been different with Severus had they all tried a bit harder? Remus wasn’t sure it really would have made a great difference in the end, but he couldn’t help the nagging guilt that perhaps it would have changed things for the better.

“You alright?” Remus whispered as he and Sirius laid in bed later that night.

Sirius took a long breath in before shaking his head. “I’ve never liked Snape. He’s always been a slimy little git, but... I know him. Y’know... I know him. And he’s a death eater. It’s just weird. And...” Sirius bit at his lip. “What happens when I see Reg?”

Remus ran his fingers down Sirius’s arm. “He may not become on, Sirius.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh. “Moony... he probably already is one.”

Remus sighed and wrapped his arms around Sirius. “I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“Me too.” Sirius finally whispered back.

Remus got his first mission in September, one week before the moon. He met Arthur Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt and Peter at the Leaky Caudlron.

“What do we say to them?” Peter asked as they walked in.

Remus shrugged. “We’re all on the same team, Pete. Let’s just speak to them as colleagues.”

“We’re not their colleagues, we’re like lackeys.” Peter was picking at the skin on his fingers.

Arthur waved them over and the two boys sat across from them. Kingsley made Remus nervous, he was important. Kingsley had been a seventh year when Remus was a first year, and he had felt like a force to be reckoned with then as well. Now he was an auror, and an important one at that, Remus was sure he would end up the Minister of Magic himself at some point, if any of them lived that long.

“Simple job tonight boys,” Arthur smiled at them. “Just a tail of some known death eaters. Ever heard of Bellatrix LeStrange?”

Remus and Peter both nodded, they knew plenty of Bellatrix, she was Sirius’s older cousin, and from the stories he had told them over the years, was completely mental.

“We must be careful with this, if you’re spotted, leave immediately. Do not go straight home. Apparate to a safe house first, one of the non-traceables. From there apparate to a muggle location of no significance, back to a non-traceable, then you should be safe to go home.” Kingsley gave them instructions.

Arthur tried giving the two boys in front of him smiles. “Should be alright gents.” he clapped Peter on the back.

Arthur left first, followed by Peter, shortly after Remus left. They were placed in different spots surrounding the edge of Gringotts. Remus reached for a cigarette in his pocket, Sirius had told him he may need one, and now he realized why. The waiting was almost unbearable. He lit it wordlessly and inhaled the tobacco smoke. About an hour in he perked up as a mess of curly black hair emerged from Gringotts. He watched Bellatrix walk for a while, slowly following, sure to leave a substantial distance between them.

Bellatrix was interesting to watch, she had very similar features to Sirius, probably partly because his family was very pure, marrying cousins and the like. She walked in a sort of floaty manner that made Remus uncomfortable.

She paused for a moment before turning in an instant, her eyes immediately on him. She got a grin on her face that made Remus’s skin crawl.

Before he had time to think she had her wand up. “Cruccio!”

Remus seized dropping immediately to the ground. It hurt. People were screaming and running and disapparating all around him. He had to leave, but it was so incredibly painful. She was walking towards him now, her wand still extended. Fuck. It was so painful. ‘Not as painful as transformations,’ a voice that sounded very similar to Sirius whispered in his brain. He had to move. He could if he could just focus, his head felt like it had gone foggy.

Move. Don’t let her kill you. “Move!” He yelled out to himself. And with that, he was gone. He thought as hard as he could of the burrow and landed just outside the door. He coughed and could taste his blood. “Fuck...”

“Remus!” A voice called to him, but he couldn’t hear anymore, he was sure he was going to pass out from the pain.


	47. The Lasting Effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains some PTSD

Chapter Forty-Seven

Sirius had been pacing the burrow for hours now. James and Lily waited silently, Peter was practically inconsolable and Sirius wanted to punch him.

Finally Molly walked out of the room. “He’s awake.” She smiled.

Sirius rushed past her and into the small bedroom. Remus was lying in the bed, looking completely exhausted, but alive.

“Remus...” Sirius whispered.

“Hiya, Pads.” Remus said.

“Out of my way,” Moody was shoving past Sirius followed by Kingsley and Arthur. “Tell me what happened?”

Remus closed his eyes.

“Does he have to do this now?” Sirius asked. “He’s just been hit with an unforgivable?”

“Black, don’t test me.” Moody said. “You’re not even meant to be here.”

“It’s fine,” Remus said. “I was tailing her, keeping my distance, everything was normal, and then she just turned around and stared at me. And before I knew it she had hit me with the cruciartus. Everything happened quickly after that.”

“It was our fault, Moody. Shouldn’t have had a green leaf trail Bellatrix. Didn’t think she’d be so unhinged out in broad daylight like that.” Arthur offered.

“Bellatrix did this?” Sirius could feel his blood begin to boil. “Fucking bitch.”

“I’m fine, Sirius.” Remus said sitting up slowly. Sirius watched Arthur and Kingsley share a look with each other. Fucking pricks, could they at least give him the decency of not assuming why he was alright.

“Kingsley, add up?” Moody turned to him.

“Yes,” Kingsley said, not wavering. “He did nothing wrong, she was just too fast. Not really sure how she noticed him so quickly, but that’s neither here nor there.”

Moody seemed to think this through before nodding. “Gonna go question the crying one now. Lupin, house rest. You can leave when you’re feeling capable. You’ll need someone to keep an eye on you though, after effects of crutiartus can be severe.” Sirius almost thought he saw Moody glance to him before walking.

Sirius waited until the three men had left before he shut the door and turned to Remus.

“I’m alright.” Remus tried reassuring. “Not as painful as transformations.”

“Never been thankful for that before.” Sirius sat at the edge of the bed. “Do not fucking do that to me again, you hear?”

“Sorry.” Remus whispered.

Sirius looked to the door before leaning down and wrapping his hands around Remus pressing a hard kiss against his lips.

“Missed you,” Remus whispered.

“Missed you.” Sirius responded dropping his head down to Remus’s chest.

James and Lily came in after a few more minutes and were both just as nervous as Sirius felt. Peter came in last, still crying.

“So sorry, Moony. Saw it happen. Didn’t know what to do. In the end I just disapparated like a bloody coward.”

Sirius wanted to agree with that statement, but Remus assured Peter that he did exactly what he had been told to.

They traveled by floo back to their cottage home, James Peter and Lily all in tow. Lily made dinner for everyone and they all gathered in their bedroom to eat as Remus had been ordered to continue bed rest.

“How did you disapparate while having cruccio used against you?” James asked.

Remus shrugged. “Not sure really. It was really painful, but it wasn’t as painful as transforming, so I feel like I could still think clearly enough to just force myself to disapparate.”

“It... hurts more to transform?” Lily whispered.

Remus nodded.

Sirius felt sick to his stomach. He knew that transforming was painful, of course he knew that, he had watched it happen for years now, but somehow in his mind he had always figured that there had to be something worse. In his mind that had been crucio. His father had performed the cruciartus curse on their house elf once in front of Sirius, and hearing the screams of Kreacher had been enough for Sirius to know he never wanted to use that curse.

Peter sniffled again.

“Come on, Pete. I’m alright really. Just tired.” Remus said.

Lily nodded and stood up. “We should let you rest then.”

They all left quickly after that. “Can I help you?”

“You could run the bath?” Remus said.

Sirius nodded and left the room only briefly to start the bath water, letting it warm before walking back into their bedroom. “C’mon.” he helped Remus to the bathroom stripping him of his clothes and holding his arm out as Remus sank into the tub. Remus let out a long sigh. “Merlin... thought Wormtail would never stop blubbering.” He whispered.

Sirius huffed out a laugh as he sat down on the toilet seat. “I could kill Bella...”

“That thought also crossed my mind,” Remus said his eyes closed. “I’ve never been glad to be a werewolf. But, I don’t think I could have gotten away without it.”

Sirius took a deep shaky breath in. “I’m so glad you got away, Moony. Can’t do this without you either you know.”

Remus smiled and reached his hand out towards Sirius. “C’mere...” he whispered.

Sirius got to his knees and leaned closer until their foreheads were pressed against each other. “Love you, you idiot.”

Remus laughed before hissing at the pain. “Love you too,”

Remus was breathing heavy, his eyes closed. He whimpered, waking Sirius. He was sweating.

“Moony,” Sirius whispered.

Remus began screaming. “Remus! Wake up!” Sirius reached out for him shaking his shoulders.

Remus woke up, his eyes wild and foggy.

“Hey... you’re alright. You’re here with me.”

“No. No. Change. You have to change. He’s coming. Change.” Remus was writhing on the bed, pained groans slipping from him.

“Remus look at me!” Sirius pulled his face to him, forcing Remus to meet his eyes. “The moon is waxing gibbous, it is not a full moon. You are not transforming. This is a lasting effect of the cruciartus curse.”

Remus’s breath was still coming in heavy, but he slowly began to come out of his night terror.

“That’s it, love. Deep breaths.” Sirius soothed.

“I could feel it... I could feel it coming. I don’t understand.” Remus choked out.

Sirius pulled Remus’s head to rest against his chest, “One of the crueler lasting effects of cruciartus is that you continuously relive the pain. Perhaps since it wasn’t the worse pain you’ve experienced, that was the pain your mind chose to torture you with.”

Remus took a shaky breath in, his entire body shaking. “I’ve never been so terrified in all my life. I knew I was sleeping in bed, and I knew I was changing.” Hot tears began to catch at Sirius’s collar bone.

Sirius took deep breaths for Remus, as he slowly matched him. “That is why people who undergo lasting exposure usually end up losing their mind. You’re alright now though, Moony. You weren’t exposed for long, the night terrors should stop soon enough.”

Remus began taking slow deep breaths on his own again, but he was still shaking.

“Gonna kill Bellatrix if its the last thing I do.” Sirius whispered.


	48. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Some sexual content, 
> 
> Some homophobia towards the end of the chapter.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Christmas

“Dad?” Remus called as he dropped his bag on the couch.

“In here,” Lyall called from his study.

“Dad... you have to come question me before I come in.” Remus rolled his eyes, would they go through this every time he visited?

Lyall walked in. “Don’t see why I have to, not fighting in the war am I?” He raised his wand to Remus. “How did we celebrate your tenth birthday?”

“Moving here, and you and mum took me out for an ice lolly after.” Remus said.

Lyall nodded and walked back to his study.

“Dad, wanted to ask something of you?” Remus followed him. “The Potters, Euphemia and Fleamont that is. They’re having a small Christmas gathering, mostly just family and friends, some members of the Order with no place else to go. They wanted to extend an invitation to you?”

Lyall shook his head. “Perfectly content having a small Christmas here. You should go and be a part of it if you want.”

Remus sighed and leaned against the bookshelves. “How long are you going to stay holed up in this house, come on, meet my friends.”

“Know all of your friends already, don’t I? And I used to speak with Fleamont on occasion at the ministry. Far too well-bred for the likes of me.”

“Dad!” Remus scolded. “They’re good people, well-bred or not. And they’re good to me, please. Do it for me?”

Lyall sighed. “When is it?”

“Christmas Evening. I’ll come here in the morning and then we can go over there together?”

“Are you never going to invite me to that flat of yours then?” Lyall added.

Remus had in fact been avoiding inviting his father to their cottage. He figured at this point that Lyall assumed he and Sirius were far more than just friends, but they had never had that explicit conversation in regards to it yet. And he’d rather avoid it all the same. “Would you like to come there for breakfast instead? Not much happening I’m afraid, been using it as more of an office space for the Order as of late.” Not necessarily a lie, but a slight stretch. They did have occasional order related meetings there, but mostly only to debrief after their own missions.

“If it puts you out then.” Lyall said.

“No, dad. It doesn’t put me out. Please come for Christmas breakfast. I’ll make a full English, no magic. Just like mum used to.” Remus smiled.

Lyall seemed to consider it, “Alright, and then to the Potters?”

Remus nodded, “And then to the Potters.”

Remus was bustling about Christmas morning before Sirius had even woken up. “How in bloody hell did she do this every Christmas?” The house had been cleaned, proper cleaned, not just the once over he and Sirius usually gave it. And now he was struggling his way through cooking a proper English.

“Merlin’s beard its a mad house in here.” Sirius was leaned against the doorframe, wearing nothing but his boxers. Remus looked for a long while. Sirius watched his gaze travel down his body before smiling and walking over. “Morning...” he wrapped his arms around Remus, entrancing him. “Care for a sneaky Christmas shag then?” He whispered against Remus’s neck.

Remus cleared his throat. “No time.” He shook his head. “Trying to finish this damn breakfast. Do you think we should transfigure one of the bookshelves to be a second bed? Can make it look like my bedroom pretty easily.”

Sirius was still wrapped around Remus, his skin still warm from being in bed all morning. “If you’d like.” He whispered, causing Remus’s skin to tingle. Sirius smelled incredible fresh in the morning, something about it made Remus’s insides turn soft.

“Can’t... my dad will be here in less than an hour.” Remus’s resolve was slipping and Sirius knew it.

“That’s plenty of time,” he whispered pressing a kiss to Remus’s jaw. “Plus it’s Christmas. Think we’ve earned getting our rocks off at least once.” They both laughed as Sirius fingers slid up Remus’s shirt, his skin burning against his soft touch. “Please...”

“What about the food?” Remus whispered.

“Heating spell, barely counts as magic since it’s all made.” Sirius was pulling Remus towards their bedroom, and with how perfect Sirius looked and how euphoric he smelled, who was Remus to refuse.

They finished setting the table just as the doorbell chimed. “Shit...” Remus breathed. “Forgot to do the bookshelf thing.”

“Did you really want to though?” Sirius asked.

“Don’t know...” Remus took a deep breath. “S’pose I should answer it then?”

“Yeah probably.” Sirius squeezed Remus’s shoulders as they both walked over towards the entrance.

He opened the door to see his father stood there, two wrapped presents. “Happy Christmas.” Remus said opening the door for his dad.

“Happy Christmas,” Lyall responded giving them both polite smiles. “Sirius, happy Christmas. Wasn’t sure if I’d see you now or later, so brought your present over as well.”

Sirius was beaming. “You didn’t have to get me something, Mr. Lupin, but thank you.”

They all sat to breakfast, and Remus was more than a little impressed with himself once it was all finished, it looked almost as good as his mum’s Christmas breakfast were. Almost.

“Do you spend most Christmases with the Potters then Sirius?” Lyall asked as he accepted a second cup of coffee from Remus.

Sirius nodded leaning back, “Since fifth year I’ve spent my Christmases there, apart from last year of course.”

Lyall nodded, looking around the small cottage. “This is quite a lovely space, how are you able to afford it? They aren’t paying you lot, are they?”

“No,” Remus said shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“I got a pretty large inheritance sum a few years back,” Sirius said as casually as he could.

“From your parents?” Lyall asked.

“No, they’ve disinherited me at this point. Dead family member who was considered another one of the Black sheep, if you will.” Sirius stood up gathering all of the plates.

“Ah... so you both live here then?” Lyall asked.

Remus and Sirius met eyes. “Yeah dad,”

Lyall nodded, “Smart I s’pose, sure this place is pretty expensive otherwise.”

Remus sighed, he glanced over to Sirius who just gave him a small smile before excusing himself to the study.

“Shall I side-along with you, son?” Lyall asked.

“Nah, we’ll just floo there, easier that way.” Remus said.

Sirius went first, followed by Lyall, and lastly Remus. When he appeared his father was dusting himself off in the large drawing room. Already being greeted by James and Lily. Fleamont and Euphemia walking that way.

“Lyall, been a while. I was sorry to hear of your wife.” Fleamont held his hand out for Lyall to take.

“Thank you, Fleamont. And Euphemia, I appreciated the flowers.” Lyall said, clearly feeling out of place.

Euphemia nodded friendly and offered them all tea. “We love having Remus around, he’s such a brilliant young man,” she said as they all sat.

Remus smiled and looked down.

Lyall nodded and looked amongst the group. “Well, I’m glad Remus has such good friends.” he looked down to his tea.

After that more people began showing up, Peter and his family, Marlene and Dorcas, Moody even dropped in. He greeted Lyall like an old friend, Remus even thought he saw Moody crack a smile, which was unheard of.

“Good man, your son. Very strong,” Moody nodded giving Lyall’s hand a firm shake.

Lyall nodded as he continued sipping his brandy. Eventually Lyall found his way to a small group of old ministry workers and began chatting with them.

Sirius ran his fingers down Remus’s arm. “Seems he’s finally gotten acquainted.”

Remus sighed, “Took long enough.”

Sirius snickered. “Reminds me quite a lot of you first year actually. Took us forever to get you to finally open up to us.”

“And look where that’s gotten me,” Remus smiled and wrapped an arm around Sirius.

Sirius reached for Remus’s hand pulling him further down the dark hallway before leaning against Remus kissing him deeply. “Love you.” He whispered.

“Love you,” Remus hugged Sirius as tightly as he could.”Sorry about this morning, don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just be honest with him.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Moony.” Sirius said. “Come on,” Sirius laced their fingers together. “Let’s rejoin the party.”

Sirius was talking with Marlene and they were both giggling to each other, whispering incessantly.

“They together, then?” Lyall was suddenly behind Remus.

“What Sirius and Marlene?” Remus asked, he forced himself to swallow down the annoyance that his father seemed to refuse to see the signs. “Nah, did date for a bit during fourth year, but now they’re just good friends.” Remus hesitated. “Actually dad, Sirius is... well he’s...” he sighed. “We’re not just flat mates, you get that, right? We’re together...”

Lyall sighed. “S’pose I figured as much. Although can’t say I didn’t hope I may be wrong.”

Remus looked at his father. “I’m not prejudice, I just wish you’d think about how difficult your life already is.”

“Does that mean I’m not allowed to have happiness? Does being a werewolf mean I deserve nothing else?” Remus asked.

“Remus, that’s not what I’m saying, but you already have one thing against you. Why make it more difficult for yourself.” Lyall asked.

Remus looked down at his hands. “I can’t change this about myself dad. And I wouldn’t want to. Sirius is a good person, I never thought I would be so lucky, given everything. He accepts me for who I am and loves me. That should be enough for you.”

Lyall sighed and finished his drink. “I s’pose it’ll have to be won’t it? Should be going.”

“Dad,” Remus reached for his father’s shoulder. “Don’t leave, please?”

Lyall looked to Remus, before glancing over to Sirius who was now watching them. “He’s important to you?”

“More than anyone else,” Remus admitted.

“It’ll be enough for me then, just give me some time.” Lyall said.

Remus nodded. “Fair enough, now come on, let’s join in.”

Lyall nodded and they both walked over. Sirius gave Remus a smile and reached for his wrist, pulling him closer.


	49. Nineteenth Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a cutesy chapter amidst the war chapters. Pretty soon we’re going to run out of cute and I’m not ready.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Remus’s nineteenth Birthday

Sirius had been on a routine patrol all night, he lit a cigarette and inhaled slowly.

“Do you have to do that?” Dorcas complained as they sat on the outskirts of Knockturn alley.

“Calms my nerves.” Sirius said. “You coming this evening?”

Dorcas nodded. “Marlene is dead set on getting good and pissed. Says it’s only fair since all we do is work and never have any fun.”

Sirius laughed. “She’s got the right idea, plan to do the same if I’m honest.”

“I just hope she can let loose a bit, she’s been so stressed lately.” Dorcas stretched. “Haven’t had sex in over a month.”

Sirius laughed as he blew smoke out. “Remus and I just never seem to be awake at the same time lately. Been doing all these night patrols and he’s been on protection spells recently.”

Dorcas laughed as well. “How are we meant to maintain a good and proper sex life in the middle of a war?”

Sirius laughed before looking over towards the entrance of Knockturn alley, “Shit... there they are.” He whispered as both of them scooted back further.

“Fucking Snape... can’t believe that prick became a death eater.” Dorcas whispered as Snape strode past them, clearly not noticing them yet. He was joined by Barty Crouch and Mulciber. They were looking every which way before Barty handed a large parcel over to Snape. He disapparated quickly after that.

“What do you s’pose that is?” Dorcas whispered.

Sirius squinted, trying to make out the writing on the front. “Can’t read it.”

“Too bad Remus isn’t here, his eye sight is crazy good.” Dorcas whispered.

Sirius chose to ignore that comment, Dorcas, while being kind and funny, was also incredibly nosy and had been trying to figure Remus out since seventh year.

Mulciber was laughing now. “The Order... such a fucking joke. Don’t they know they’re fighting a losing battle?”

Snape said nothing, he was looking around his beady eyes darting in every direction. Sirius and Dorcas suctioned themselves to the wall, their concealment charm wouldn’t last long if he came too close.

“Better get this to the Blacks. Got important instructions.” Snape disapparated.

Sirius was frozen, he wasn’t sure he had taken a breath.

“Sirius...” Dorcas had her hand on his shoulder. “Sirius... come on, love. We’ve got to get out of here. Take my hand, I’ll side-along you.”

He did as he was told and they were gone. They appeared at the Potters, knocking once.

James and Lily opened the door and James held his wand out. “How old were we when I told you I was in love with Lily?”

“Twelve.” Sirius mumbled, still staring down.

“Lil...” James prompted.

“Right... umm... first kiss?” She asked Dorcas.

“Emmeline Vance.” Dorcas said.

“Something happened?” James asked as they walked in.

“Not really, just... they’re delivering something to my home. Don’t know why it keeps disappointing me, should be used to it by now.”

James put his hand to Sirius’s shoulder. “Sorry, mate.”

Sirius nodded. “Moody here? Wanna debrief quickly so I can get home.”

James let him through the kitchen and he and Dorcas met Moody in the living room.

“Couldn’t make out what the package said?” Moody asked.

Sirius shook his head, “but it was being taken to my parents home I think. Snape said he had to get it to the Blacks.”

Moody nodded, wrote everything down then dismissed them.

“See you tonight then?” James asked. “Still going on, right?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded. “Don’t tell Remus about everything yet. Just let him have a good birthday, alright?”

Sirius floo-ed home and dusted himself off, peeled offhis clothes in the bathroom as quietly as he could as he turned the shower on. He let the hot water pour over his hair, slicking it around him. He took a deep breath, he had to rally, he had to be happy and in a good mood for Remus. They never got fun days anymore as more and more members of the Order were slowly slipping away. They were relied on more these days, he had to give Remus this one night.

The door opened and closed and with some shuffling Remus’s arms were around him.

“Morning,” Sirius said lacing their fingers together.

“Morning, did you just get in?” Remus asked already reaching over Sirius for the shampoo.

“Yeah...” Sirius leaned his head against Remus.

“Good night?” Remus asked now scrunching Sirius’s hair in his fingers.

Sirius closed his eyes, his brain turning to mush at the touch. He nodded, not trusting his voice. “Missed you,” Sirius whispered.

“Missed you,” Remus was now running his fingers through Sirius’s hair with the conditioner.

“Happy birthday,” Sirius said quietly.

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius pulling him closer. “What’d you get me?” He kissed Sirius’s neck.

Sirius smiled. “Not telling, but you can have part of it now if you want...” he turned to Remus finally laying eyes on him. Remus stood taller than him by quite a bit. He had to crane his neck up when they stood this close.

Remus bit his lip and nodded.

And that was all Sirius needed as he dropped to his knees, Remus’s hands going immediately to his hair.

When he woke up later Remus was gone,which had been expected. Sirius rolled out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen eyes barely opened as he tapped his wand to the kettle.

“Bloody hell, do you never wear clothes?” he heard the voice coming from the den.

His eyes shot open to see James laughing as he shielded Lily’s eyes.

“What the bloody hell are you lot doing in my house?” He yelled immediately covering himself.

“You told us to get here at three. It’s 3:15.” James said. “Gonna question us?”

“Fuck... I’m naked.” Sirius said. “Just... I don’t know... turn into a deer.”

James laughed but complied quickly before changing back as Sirius raced into his room to throw on some clothes.

They were all present now, apart from Remus and Peter, who were still working protection charms. Sirius had chosen the newest Sex Pistols album and they had already broken into the fire whiskey. They heard thecrack of two people arriving and the door opened.

Sirius smiled as Remus walked through, his eyes getting wide.

“Alright, before all the fun.” James raised his wand. “First kiss both of you, where and when?”

“Common room, sixth year.” Peter said.

“Fourth year, broom cupboard.” Remus’s eyes were on Sirius as he said this, but they darted quickly to Marlene and Sirius immediately blushed, but Marlene was already plastered against Dorcas, clearly not caring of the water under the bridge.

“Alright, get in here you tosser. Happy birthday!” Sirius pulled Remus into him pressing their lips together. “Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you.” Remus responded, accepting a drink from Lily and downing it in one go.

They were all comfortably drunk when they made their way to the pub down the road. Sirius was being piggy backed by Remus as they walked over.

“This feels oddly nostalgic?” Lily offered.

They all had a good laugh.

“We should get tattooed, all of us. For Remus’s birthday!” Sirius slurred.

“Yes!” Marlene agreed immediately.

“I’d do it,” Lily said.

“Really?” James looked down at her.

“Come on, we have to have something to remember this moment by, don’t we?” Is there a shop here in Bakewell?”

Remus just laughed. “Not likely.”

“I can do it!” Sirius said. “Been practicing on myself anyways.”

“You’re drunk, love.” Remus said shrugging his shoulders up.

“Too right...” Sirius laughed nuzzling into Remus.

Lily snapped a photo of the pair of them quickly before once again, exactly like one year earlier she asked a muggle heading into the pub if he’d take a photo. He complied and they all smiled, Sirius still nuzzled into Remus’s neck.

They drank way too much at the pub, and all began stumbling back to their cottage.

“Reckon I can change right here?” James slurred.

“Change what?” Dorcas giggled.

Sirius was fully leaned against Remus. “Nah... don’t reckon. Too drunk.”

“Whaddya bet, Black?” James asked.

“Tenner.” Sirius said.

“Bet.” James immediately transformed into a massive stag, causing Marlene and Dorcas to both scream.

Remus bent over laughing. “Oh no... you two didn’t know these boys were animagus did you?”

“No!” Marlene yelled.

Sirius had crumbled to the ground in laughter. “Alright, tenner it is. Change back mate.”

Try as James might, he could not change back, and stumbled around aimlessly drunk off his ass as a massive deer.

This only made the entire group devolve into whooping laughter. Even Dorcas and Marlene, got over their initial shock quickly as James tumbled and fell over himself.

“Bloody hell... this is the best birthday present I could ever get.” Remus and Sirius both lifted James from the ground, struggling quite a bit to lead a proper pissed deer home.


	50. A Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Sex

Chapter Fifty

Remus was summoned to a meeting alone for the first time in July. Sirius fussed around him all morning, “Let me come with you. Just to be safe?”

“Pads, I’ll be fine. It’s just a meeting.” Remus pressed a kiss to his temple as he stood in the doorway off their bedroom, readying himself for sleep. They were still on complete opposite assignments. Remus had been doing protection charms with Peter for nearly six months. He didn’t mind the work. It was busy work of course, but he was good at it. He didn’t mind being in the background, Sirius was practically the aurors right hand at that point. He and James together made an unstoppable team it seemed. Which of course surprised no one.

“Love you,” Remus whispered.

“Love you.” Sirius said. “If you’re back before I wake up, wake me anyways.”

“I will.” Remus apparated quickly after that. When he appeared in a small cottage on the Scottish countryside he almost felt sick to his stomach. He was on Hogwarts grounds. Outside the shrieking shack. His shack. Where was he in the cycle? It was the middle, the moon wasn’t due. And even if it was, would they force him back here? He walked slowly into the familiar cottage and knocked on the door.

The door swung open and Moody was staring at him, a wand in his face. “Where are we right now?”

Remus swallowed down the fear forming inside of him. “Umm... the shrieking shack. This was where they put me during my time at Hogwarts.”

Moody dropped his wand and opened the door further.

“Apologies for the circumstances, Remus. I hope you understand, all the other safe houses are currently in use.” Dumbledore stood.

“What’s going on? Why...” he sat down, unsure he could stand. He was sitting on his small cot. “Why am I here?”

“We have a mission for you, Remus.” Moody said. “Not sure exactly when it will begin, but it is of dire importance.”

Dumbledore watched him another moment. “Alastor, I believe this specific location is too painful for the boy. Shall we apparate to Hogsmeade?”

Moody seemed to consider this before giving a gruff nod, holding his arm out to Remus.

Remus took it shakily and before he knew it they were outside the Three Broomsticks. Remus took a deep breath to steady himself.

“Come my boy, you need a butterbeer, perhaps something stronger. Apologies Remus. Didn’t rightly consider that you probably hate that building.”

After a shot of fire whiskey and half a butter beer, Remus felt much more calm.

They went to the back of the tavern, to the same table he and his friends had claimed as their own. Dumbledore cast a silencing charm around them and they sat comfortably. “Now, Mister Lupin. I’m sure you can guess what we have in mind.”

Remus shook his head.

“We want you to rendezvous with the werewolves.” Moody said matter of factly. Which caused Remus to choke on his butter beer.

“You what?” Remus spat out.

“You know who has werewolves on his side. It may be beneficial to have the same. More than one nineteen year old at least.” Moody said.

“Do you think you can do this Remus?” Dumbledore asked.

Remus thought for a long moment. “I’ve never met another one, but... I s’pose I can talk to them.”

“Good man. We’ll give you orders when the time comes. Oh and Lupin...” Moody eyed him with that one glass blue eye that looked him up and down. “This is a very secret assignment. Don’t go telling your friends about it.” Moody said.

Remus shrunk under his gaze but nodded, unsure of how exactly he was meant to keep something so huge from Sirius. The others would be easy, he rarely saw his friends any more apart from Peter, and they worked in silence mostly. But Sirius would be waiting for him to check in.

Moody stood up then leaving the other two men to finish their drinks alone. Dumbledore gave Remus a soft smile. “Remus, I hope you know that your cooperation in this is quite appreciated.”

Remus shrugged his shoulders, “S’pose if it helps in the end then I want to do it.”

Dumbledore nodded lightly. “I apologize for bringing you to the shack once again.”

Remus shuddered but tried hiding it, he nodded taking another long gulp of his butter beer, wanting desperately to finish and leave as quickly as he could.

“How are you enjoying your life after Hogwarts?” Dumbledore asked.

Remus chuckled, he couldn’t help it. “We’re in the middle of a war, professor. Don’t think there’s much to enjoy.”

Dumbledore sat silently for a while, that soft smile never leaving his lips. “I’m sure there will be happy memories still once all of this is over.” He drank the rest of his butterbeer and stood slowly. “I must be getting back to the castle now, thank you for meeting us, Remus.”

Remus nodded as the old man walked away. He sat there, he could almost picture all his friends sitting around him. He couldn’t believe that a year ago they were still blissfully ignorant about how awful the war would actually be. Remus hated to admit that he had assumed it would be over quickly, and their lives would finally begin.

He apparated back to the cottage, but took a walk around the town, not quite ready to go back to Sirius’s questions. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, it was becoming a bad habit. He should quit it, but they were in the middle of a war after all.

He stopped and grabbed pastries and espressos from the small bakery and began walking back towards the cottage at the edge of town. Their home. He opened the door slowly, taking his shoes off before setting the breakfast down at the table. He leaned against their doorframe and watched Sirius sleep for a while. He was perfect like this, his chest rising and falling, his newest tattoo laid on his chest, a stark contrast against his perfect porcelain skin. He walked in slowly and slid in bed next to Sirius wrapping his arms around him. He stirred and turned into Remus, his eyes still closed.

“What happened with the meeting?” Sirius whispered.

Remus chewed on his lip, thankful Sirius’s eyes were closed. He had never been a good liar. “Not a lot,” he began. “They just wanted to ask me about werewolf stuff. You know...” not exactly a lie. He hoped Sirius would accept it.

“Bastards, can they not just let you live your life?” Sirius nuzzled into Remus’s neck letting his breath linger against his skin.

Remus smiled, “I seem to remember another certain someone never letting me just live my life.”

Sirius huffed out a slow laugh. “Come on...I was thirteen.” He pressed his body against Remus. Sirius was not subtle. “And it worked didn’t it. Got myself a boyfriend from it.”

Remus smiled as Sirius’s fingers slid underneath his shirt. “Got you an espresso.” Remus whispered.

Sirius hummed approvingly, but didn’t make to move, now sliding Remus’s shirt up him, pressing long heavy kisses down Remus’s neck, causing his eyes to flutter shut as he let his mouth linger against his pulse. Sirius had been working on sliding Remus’s pants down as he lazily slid on top of him. They finally caught each other’s gaze and Sirius looked extraordinary. Remus reached up and ran his fingers down his perfect skin.

Sirius smiled at him and leaned down pressing a long kiss against his lips. He lifted his head only slightly, their lips barely parted. “Turn around Moony...” he whispered, his breath causing Remus to shudder.

Remus couldn’t help his wide eyes and grin as he complied to Sirius. Sirius had his hands against his hips, pressing into Remus, bringing him closer and closer to bliss with every movement. Remus shoved his head into the pillow fisting the fabric of their sheets as Sirius gripped his hip with one hand, the other reaching over to lace their fingers together. God this was all he would ever want in his life, Sirius’s skin against his own, his head foggy with desperation, Sirius’s hands against his skin, his breath hot on his back. It was perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG is that Sirius topping?


	51. Accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mention of death.

Chapter Fifty-One

October 1979

Sirius was reading one of Remus’s book by the fire, Remus’s legs flopped over top of him. They rarely both had nights off together anymore. Sirius looked over to watch Remus, his pinky finger had started tracing his lower lip and it still made Sirius’s stomach flutter. He put down the book and climbed over Remus, falling down against him.

Remus chuckled and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius. “Bored?” Remus asked.

“Hmm... wanna go for a ride then?” Sirius asked.

“Thought you said it wasn’t done?” Remus asked. Sirius had purchased himself an absolutely outlandish twentieth birthday present of a beautiful oil black motorcycle.

“Well, can’t fly yet. But we could ride it like normal?” Sirius looked up at Remus through his lashes like he knew Remus loved.

Remus smiled and bit his lip before sitting up.

“Alright, go on then.” Sirius leapt up throwing his leather jacket on and practically pulling Remus out the door as he donned his favorite cardigan.

They climbed onto the bike, Remus wrapping his arms tightly around Sirius causing his heart to climb into his throat.

“Hold on tight.” he said as Remus pressed a kiss to his neck. He started the engine and they were off, driving through the town and into the countryside.

The wind whipped through Sirius’s hair as he sped up. He felt Remus’s arms grip him tighter.

“You like it?” He asked.

“Bloody brilliant!” Remus yelled from behind him. They slowly drove back and Sirius parked the motorcycle as they walked over to the front door James, Lily and Peter were all sitting outside.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked.

James gave Sirius a look. “We should go inside.”

They all sat quietly for a long time. “Sirius... it’s Regulus.” James finally began.

“You saw him?” Sirius asked.

Lily bit her lip and looked at him with those sad green eyes.

James stood up and put his hand to Sirius’s shoulder. “He’s dead, Sirius. Just heard it confirmed by Moody. Went missing a couple weeks ago, but now he’s been confirmed I guess. S’in the paper and everything.” James handed Sirius a copy of the prophet.

Sirius opened it slowly to see a large picture of Regulus in his Hogwarts Uniform. ‘Black Family Heir Confirmed Dead Amidst Wizarding War.’

Sirius felt his knees give out as he fell to the ground. Remus was there immediately, his arms around Sirius. “He’s just eighteen... he’s only just turned eighteen...” Sirius bit at his lip as tears began to well in his eyes.

“Sirius... I’m so sorry.” James said kneeling down next to him and putting his hands on both of his shoulders.

They laid in silence as the night pressed on, neither sleeping.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked.

“Not really.” Sirius said to the ceiling.

Remus was silent again.

“He picked the wrong side...” Sirius whispered. “And it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” Remus tried.

“It is. At least partly. I could have tried harder once he came to Hogwarts. I could have been a better brother to him instead of being angry that he got sorted into Slytherin. If I had been there, if I had stayed and helped him... maybe...”

“Couldn’t have stayed Sirius.” Remus whispered, his arms now around him.

“I know. It’s just... he was my younger brother.” Sirius bit at his lip as more tears began to form behind his eyes.

“I know,” Remus whispered.

***

Sirius worked on the bike constantly when he wasn’t on missions after that, ignoring most of his friends, apart from Remus. Ignoring his twentieth birthday as it came and went quickly.

He and Remus were soaking in the tub together, Remus brushing out Sirius’s hair as they passed a joint between the two of them. Sirius let his head fall against Remus, his head to heavy to hold itself up.

There was a frantic knocking suddenly coming from the front door.

Sirius jerked up and looked over to Remus was listening quietly. His eyes closed. He seemed to sniff the air before climbing out. “It’s James, probably come to check in on you again. I’ll tell him to bugger off.”

Sirius closed his eyes again as Remus shuffled around before opening the door to James bursting in. “Where is he, Moony. I’ve got to speak with him.”

“James, protocol.” Remus was following him through the house.

“Fuck protocol... this is important.” he burst through the bathroom door.

Sirius gave out an exasperated sigh and looked over. “Have you no boundaries, Prongs?”

“I’ve got to talk with you,” James sat on the toilet. “I’m having a proper breakdown.”

“James...” Remus was fretting by the door.

“Lily’s pregnant...” James interrupted.

Sirius was brought down from his high quickly, he looked over at James’ panicked expression and was catapulted back to the eleven year old he met on the train. He sighed and stood out of the bath. “Give us a minute.”

He changed quickly and they were now sat in the den, a mug of tea ignored in James’s hands.

“Bloody hell...I got my girlfriend pregnant in the middle of a war.”

Sirius searched for something to say. “Well... apparently Arthur and Molly are pregnant again? So you’re not the only one.”

Remus stood awkwardly above Sirius, clearly unsure if he was necessary for this conversation.

James put his hands to his head. “We’re not even married and I just got her pregnant! In the middle of a fucking war.”

“So get married. Quick little wedding and call it a day.” Sirius said.

“Just like that? How many times do I have to say it, we’re in the middle of a war, Padfoot. I don’t really think it’s the time.”

“Maybe its the perfect time, we could all use a bit of cheering up these days, don’t you think? And you love Lily. You are practically soulmates after all.”

James sunk into his seat. “I just left. I just left her there. I’m a bloody idiot.”

“That may be true,” Sirius chuckled, and then he couldn’t stop. Remus was now covering his own mouth.

James looked over at the two of them his eyes wide. “Oi! Going through a bit of a crisis over here, could you lot not just laugh at me?”

“Sorry... sorry... it’s just... you really needed tangible proof didn’t you?” Sirius was now gutrolling, perhaps still a bit too stoned for an important conversation.

“Piss off both of you, can you please be fucking serious for one minute?” James asked immediately covering his mouth as now they were whooping even more, Remus crumpled over the chair and Sirius leaned back barely breathing. James finally cracked a smile. “Stop,” he laughed. “This is important. I got my girlfriend pregnant, can we not deal with this?”

“James honestly, what’s there to deal with? Feel like I should give you a cigar and a whisky in congratulations. A baby and a wedding announcement all at once.” Sirius hadn’t felt this good in ages. “Moony, do we have a cigar?”

“Got half a joint in the bathroom?” Remus shrugged.

James laughed at that. “I’m going to have a baby...” he whispered.

“You’re gonna be a dad,” Sirius couldn’t stop smiling now.

“I’m gonna be a dad.” James jumped up. “I’m gonna be a dad and I left my future wife in a bedroom alone.”

“Come on then.” they all floo-ed over quickly to the Potters.

Lily raced downstairs, her eyes wild. “James you absolute arse! You just-“

James already had her in his arms pressing a kiss to her lips.

“Will you marry me?” He asked.

Lily looked at him shocked before giggling and flinging her arms around him. “Yes! Of course yes!” She squealed as James spun her around.

Sirius and Remus were all smiles as they wrapped them in a hug.

“Sirius you know what this means, right?” James asked.

“Bout to be a best man?” Sirius asked.

James nodded. “And a godfather?”

Sirius’s face dropped.

“If that’s alright with my beautiful bride of course?” James looked over.

Lily pressed a kiss to Sirius’s cheek. “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Whaddya say Pads,” James asked.

Sirius smiled and threw his arms around the pair of them. “Of course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fully subscribe to the canon that James and Lily got pregnant by accident because they are so young and in the middle of a war, I just feel like it was 100% a happy accident.


	52. The Prongs Weddings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning that all good things from here on out feel incredibly bittersweet. This was one of the more bittersweet chapters I had to write.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Everyone was cheerful after that, as they all began planning the most exquisite shot-gun wedding in history Remus was sure.

“Marls!” Lily cried as she stood frantically holding up two separate dress fabrics. “I can’t decide!” She cried.

Marlene looked over and got a quizzical look on her face, walking over to analyze the two light pink dresses.

“Am I mental or are they the same?” Peter asked as they stuffed invitations.

“You are most certainly not mental,” Remus whispered back. They both snickered.

Sirius was fretting about Lily constantly, more so than James was even. “Lil, don’t stress yourself there, you’re carrying my godson after all.”

“Sirius I’m fine, and it may be a girl you know?” Lily rolled her eyes and eyed Remus, her green eyes begging for some reprieve.

Remus chuckled and reached out for Sirius. “Pads, give it a rest. Come on, we need you to sign invites.”

“Messers Moony... Wormtail...” James started all four boys smiling.

“Padfoot and Prongs, are pleased to present...” the other three joined in.

“The Prongs Wedding?” Sirius offered.

“A deer ole time?” Peter said.

“The union of Prongs to Lady Prongs, and the birth of their child Baby Prongs.” Remus said.

James eyes got wide and he looked to Lily. “Absolutely not,” she said not looking up from her bridal magazine.

“Don’t think its fair that Sirius gets godfather,” Peter said pouring himself another cup of tea. “Because that means Remus automatically gets to also be godfather. What am I left with?”

“Cool uncle Wormtail?” Remus said pulling Sirius into his lap. “You can take Baby Prongs to get their first drink?”

“Mine,” Sirius said.

James and Lily were laughing as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Can take them to the library?”

“Moony’s.” Sirius said.

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Damn... can I at least talk him through girls?” Peter asked.

“Mine,” Sirius said.

“You don’t even like girls,” Marlene added. “I’ll be talking him through that thank you very much.”

The stag party fell on the full moon and they all apparated to a forest in France and ran the entire night. The wolf was so elated to be with his entire pack, which had been few and far in between as of late that it seemed everyone left that night smelling of wolf.

Remus blushed and covered his face in his hands.

“Now I’ll be going to my wedding smelling of fur, thank you very much.” James said laughing as he walked out of the bath at the cottage.

“I’m sorry!” Remus threw his hands up. Sirius happily plopped into his lap pressing a long kiss to his lips.

“Should try and get some sleep, Prongs. Can’t be dead on your wedding day.” Remus said.

“Or your wedding night?” Sirius wiggled his eye brows.

“He’s already bloody gotten her pregnant.” Peter added yawning and stretching out next to Remus and Sirius on the couch. “What else is there?”

“Oh Peter, you poor straight bastard.” Sirius said.

Remus bit his lip and hid his head in Sirius’s shoulder.

“Shove off, Padfoot!” Peter said.

James just laughed. “Alright, everyone shut up! I’m having a lie down for a bit.”

“Merlin’s beard... it’s actually time.” James had been frantically pacing as more guests had arrived. They had decided incredibly last minute to have the wedding in Remus and Sirius’s back gardens to take the pressure off Fleamont and Euphemia whose health in recent months had taken a sharp turn. It had actually been a very enjoyable situation as it required they all spend far more time together than they had been able to since the war had started, someone was always over making preparations of some sort. Celine and Dorcas had been cooking in their ridiculously small kitchen for days, Marlene and Lily were decorating, and now people were actually showing up in their best dress robes and Sirius of course being the well bred little prick he was had been bustling about being best man and host.

“You’ll be great, James.” Remus put his hand on his friends shoulder. Sirius was much better at talking James down, but he would do his best.

Someone cleared their throat outside Remus and Sirius’s bedroom and Sirius stood there leaned against the doorframe, looking absolutely stunning in his slick black dress robes.

“Ready Prongs?” he asked.

James took a deep breath and smiled. “Born ready Padfoot.”

“Let’s go then lads.” Sirius smiled and reached for Remus’s hand. He took it in his as they walked to their back door. James stopped at the study door that housed all the girls.

“Oi, Evans!” He knocked on the door. “No turning back now! I’ll be the handsome one at the end of the isle.”

There was an eruption of giggling.

“See you there, Potter.” Lily’s voice came through the door.

The four marauders walked down their small garden isle, smiling faces staring up at them. Remus gave his father a nod who was seated uncomfortably by Peter’s parents, Mrs Pettigrew chatting his ear off.

The Potters and The Evans were seated next to each other, her sister looking completely disgusted next to her husband who was glaring around at everyone in their robes.

James took his place at the head of the alter as everyone quieted. Celine and Dorcas walked out first, looking like absolute visions in a light lace pink. Marlene began walking next, hiccuping back tears as she was followed by Lily, her chiffon dress trailing behind her gracefully.

Remus smiled and looked over to James whose face was a look of elated shock.

“Merlin she’s perfect.” He whispered.

“That she is, mate.” Sirius agreed.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, Marlene crying quite gracefully as maid of honour, and James and Lily looking like the most perfect couple to exist, which Remus figured they probably were.

Remus walked over to his father after the ceremony as refreshments were going around. “Nice ceremony?”

Lyall nodded. “Sure are young though, aren’t they? S’pose I got started later in life.”

Remus smiled searching frantically for something to say.

“Mr. Lupin,” Sirius was there smiling. “We’ve got champagne, butter beers or ale, can I get you something? Got some fire whiskey in the house I think?”

“Butter beer would be fine, Sirius, thank you.” Lyall gave him a nod as Sirius moved to get him his drink.

“Back gardens sure look lovely, did you lot do all this?” He asked as Sirius came back.

“Nah, the girls handled the decorating, I’m absolute bollocks with vision. Marlene’s words.” Sirius laughed.

Lyall let out a chuckle, “Most men are it seems.” He cleared his throat. “S’pose I should go congratulate the couple then.” He walked away.

“Thank you,” Remus whispered.

“Yeah, looked a bit like you were drowning there.” Sirius reached for Remus’s wrist and pulled him in only slightly. 

“Absolutely brilliant, wasn’t it boys?” Celine was leaned against Remus now.

Remus threw his arm around her. “Yeah, perfection.” he kissed her cheek.

“Oh bloody hell,” Sirius was looking towards Petunia and her husband Vernon who were sniffing around the refreshments disapprovingly. Petunia was also pregnant, further along then Lily and against her spindly frame she looked absolutely severe.

Sirius put on his best-man smile and walked over to them offering them champagne and seltzer. Vernon Dursley stared at Sirius like he may be infected if he got too close.

Lily and James were swaying gracefully on their makeshift dance floor, which had actually just been a spare piece of wood Sirius found and transfigured into a large slab of perfect hardwood. Remus loved his magic.

Sirius sat down next to him sipping a glass of champagne. “Whaddya think Moony... ever want this?”

Remus chuckled. “Would I have to wear lace chiffon?”

Sirius shoved him gently with his elbow. “Stop, I’m being serious.”

Remus smiled and looked over to the black haired young man beside him. “Is this you proposing Mr. Black?”

Sirius smiled as well, catching Remus off guard with how absolutely beautiful he was. “Would you say yes if it was?”

Remus was so incredibly in love. “For you, anything.”

They stared at each other for a long time before Sirius leaned in resting his head on Remus’s shoulder lacing their fingers together, pressing a quick kiss to Remus’s neck. “Love you.”

“Love you.” Remus whispered back letting his lips brush against Sirius’s hair.

It had been one of the best nights of any of their lives, and Remus couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps things would start turning for the better.


	53. Harry

Chapter Fifty-Three

Time seemed to race after that, and before they knew it, they were all waiting patiently at a safe house, the three marauders pacing the room with Dorcas and Celine, as Lily, James, Marlene and Molly Weasley were all crowded into a single room.

Sirius paced back and forth the space, they had placed a silencing charm on the room so they were all just left waiting patiently.

“Don’t see why Marlene gets to be in there and not me,” he grumbled lighting a cigarette.

“Sirius...” Dorcas glared at him. He rolled his eyes and put the fag out.

“Honestly, Pads. Would you even want to be in there? Do you not know what happens when a woman gives birth?” Peter asked fidgeting uncomfortably.

Remus snickered and reached for Sirius’s hand as he continued his pacing.

“All I’m saying is I’m the bloody godfather,” Sirius said flopping down next to Remus only to jump back up as the door opened. Marlene was blotchy faced and smiling.

They were all smiling then.

“It’s a boy,” she whispered. “He’s perfect.” She burst into tears and threw herself against Sirius. He hugged her tightly feeling tears well in his own eyes.

“Padfoot,” James was standing at the door now. “Wanna meet your godson?”

Sirius felt his heart jump into his throat as he nodded slowly following James into the room. Lily was lying down in the bed, her hair up into a messy knot on top of her head, her shirt slumped open, the baby already nursing. Sirius sat down slowly staring down at the small child.

“He’s so tiny...” Sirius whispered. “Can I touch him?”

Lily nodded.

He looked over to James who had his hand over his mouth covering a huge grin, tears catching at his cheeks. Sirius reached his hand out touching the babies soft skin.

“He’s beautiful...” Sirius whispered, his voice hoarse. “Good job, Lil...”

Lily laughed quietly as Sirius pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Harry,” James said now sitting down next to his wife on the bed. “That’s his name.”

“Hello Harry,” Sirius whispered. “I’m your godfather, and let me just say you are already the luckiest boy to ever live with parents like these.”

Lily and James both huffed out a laugh. Harry’s little face fell forward as Lily covered herself.

“He knows I’m here of course,” Sirius laughed and ran his index finger across Harry’s small cheek. “Merlin... he’s perfect.”

He pulled James up and into a gripping hug. James held on tightly, shaking in Sirius’s grip. “He’s perfect, Prongs.” Sirius whispered as James let his head fall on Sirius’s shoulder.

Remus and Peter and Dorcas all came in slowly after that, as Molly puttered around for a bit longer before kissing Lily on the head and excusing herself.

Dorcas devolved into tears as she and Marlene sat on either side of Lily in the bed. Celine was taking pictures with Lily’s muggle camera and Remus was watching Sirius. Sirius looked up and met his eyes. Remus smiled at him softly before wrapping his arms around Sirius.

“I love you,” Remus whispered.

“I love you.” Sirius said back, his heart catching in his throat again.

“You’re a godfather now...” Remus said.

“S’pose I should stop smoking then,” Sirius said causing Remus to laugh wrapping his arms tighter around Sirius.

***

Of course the war didn’t have the courtesy of stopping to celebrate Harry James Potter’s birth, and before long they all, apart from Lily who was on rest, were out doing patrols and missions again.

“Seems unfair that we have to be out here,” Sirius complained bringing a cigarette to his lips.

Remus huffed a laugh. “Are you not trying to quit?”

Sirius smiled, he and Remus rarely got placed together, primarily because Sirius did patrols and grunt work while Remus was always on the far more sophisticated missions. Creating spells and protective enchantments from scratch and the like.

“Does that mean you don’t want a puff?” Sirius asked extending the cigarette out to Remus.

Remus laughed and took it from his hands, inhaling slowly, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. “Fuck... and I was doing so well.” Sirius held his breath looking at Remus, how could they have been together nearly five years and Sirius still be so completely entranced?

“So these are patrols then?” Remus took another long inhale. “S’pose I can see the appeal.” he handed the cigarette back to Sirius.

“It’s not all lounging against walls and smoking cigarettes y’know...” Sirius said, although mostly it was.

Remus stood rigid suddenly, his eyes wide. He looked at Sirius as Sirius dropped the fag and gripped his wand. “What do you smell?”

“Oh shit...” Remus was panicked, Sirius never saw him like this apart from moons. “He’s here... it’s him...”

“Who?” Sirius asked.

“Greyback...” Remus whispered. “Where’s Longbottom, we’ve got to leave.”

“We can’t leave, Moony, we’ve got to wait and see what happens.” Sirius said putting his hand to Remus’s chest to try and steady him.

“No, no Sirius... you don’t understand. If I can smell him that means...”

Sirius understood immediately. “He can smell you too. Fuck... alright, don’t panic.” Sirius stood in front of Remus and glanced towards Knockturn Alley, “Alright, I see Longbottom,” He lifted a mirror and shone it towards Frank Longbottom once, who saw immediately and shone his back. A huge wild looking man walked out of Knockturn ally then. Sirius had never seen such a massive man, apart from the half giant grounds keeper at Hogwarts.

The man was followed by a few others, all just as wild looking.

“Are they all...” Sirius breathed out.

“Yes,” Remus was shaking. “Oh god... I shouldn’t be here... he’s going to find us.”

“Shh...” Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand. “You have to calm down, Moony.”

Fenrir Greyback was terrifying, and Sirius knew he should be afraid, but all he could feel was protection over his boyfriend who’s life had been ruined by this man. Greyback stopped and lifted his face to the sky, sniffing the air before zoning in on their hiding space.

“Fuck...” Sirius whispered. “Don’t move,” he whispered as the group of werewolves all turned their way.

“Pads...” Remus begged.

“Just wait, Longbottom will make his move.” Sirius said, but his hand was now protectively covering Remus.

“How many?” Remus whispered.

“Bout eight... not including Greyback.” Sirius said. “Can they hear me?”

“Probably, I’m not sure.” Remus took a shaky breath in. “But I know they can smell us.”

Greyback got a wicked grin on his face as he broke into a run. He was fast. A firework of red struck out in the sky.

“Run! Run!” Sirius yelled grabbing Remus’s hand as they raced away. “We have to apparate! We have to get out of here, now!”

“What about Longbottom?” Remus was running.

“Avada Cedavra!” A female werewolf yelled.

“Stupify!” Sirius countered as the knock back shoved the female off her feet.

“Get the werewolf!” Greyback yelled as all of the werewolves began to move faster than humanely possible.

“Take my hand! Now!” Remus did and they were gone. They landed in a forest. “Come on, we have to keep going.” Remus was vomiting against a tree. “Moony,” he put his hand to Remus’s back, Remus turned his eyes wild with panic.

There was a loud crack further away. Sirius held his breath. “Sorry love... but we have to go.” He grabbed Remus and they disapparated again to a safe house, and then again to a muggle location, and then again to a new safe house. The Potters house. Remus fell to his knees then.

Sirius dropped to his as well. He felt weak and couldn’t help the bile that was now coming up. The door ripped open and James and Moody both held their wands out.

“Ask Potter.” Moody prompted.

“Godric... are you guys alright?” James asked.

“Ask!” Moody commanded.

“What charm did we use on the map?” James asked.

“Homunculus!” Sirius said reaching for Remus, his hands on his shoulders as Remus took long ragged breath in and out.

“Lupin! Where did we take you for your meeting?”

“H...” Remus threw up again.

“Come on, Moody! It’s them...” James was now dropped to his knees, his hand on Remus’s back.

“Hogsmeade... Three Broomsticks.” Remus choked up.

“Longbottom is at the Burrow.” Moody said. “Tell me what happened.”

“Greyback was there, with eight other werewolves. They could smell us... or... Remus. They started chasing us. He wanted to capture Remus, but we disapparated. I can’t be sure, but I think they tried following before we did the chain of stops.” Sirius had his hands on Remus’s back as Lily leaned outside, Harry gripped to her chest.

“Lily, take him inside,” James said.

“Oh god... is Remus alright?” Lily said.

Remus was now leaned against Sirius his face pale, his eyes lifeless.

“He’s alright love, but Harry shouldn’t see this.” James whispered walking over and kissing both of them.

“How many were werewolves?” Moody was asking Remus now.

Remus blinked a few times. “They all were.” He whispered.

Moody stared at him for a long minute. “Then we’ve run out of time. You’re leaving tomorrow for your assignment.”

“Assignment?” Sirius asked wrapping his arms protectively around Remus. “Do you not see the state he’s in?”

“Can’t be helped, Black. Lupin knows his mission.” Moody stood. “I’ll be by to pick you up from your home at dawn tomorrow Lupin.” he apparated away quickly.

**Author's Note:**

> Trans lives matter!!!


End file.
